A Vietnamese American's Experiences and Lessons from Going to Tiananmen Square

Shared at Boston 2002 Conference

In writing this paper, I tried to capture many of my experiences and reflections while in China but the paper ended up being too long. Instead, I'll just concentrate on three instances where I thought I could have done better and the lessons I learned from them. Hopefully, they will be helpful for my fellow practitioners.

The first instance is the actual appeal on Tiananmen Square itself. I arrived at the square by myself about 1:45 PM on the day of the appeal. The square was very densely packed with people that day. Since I was Asian, I did not have any trouble entering the square. As I found out later, many of the people on the square were policemen, including plainclothes and military police. Somehow, they were expecting us and especially looking for Westerners entering the square to search. On my way in, I heard some commotion at the underground entrance but couldn't make out what it was. I found out later that it was several Western practitioners getting arrested.

The planned time for our appeal was 2 PM. As the realization of what I was going to do began to dawn on me, I felt a mixed feeling of calmness, some excitement, and a slight human fear that I pushed away. At about 1:55 pm, I went over to our designated spot that we had chosen. I saw two of the North Carolina practitioners nearby. However, I still could not locate the three practitioners in the designated spot who were supposed to initiate the signal to begin. Right at 2 pm, there was still no signal and nothing happened. About 10 seconds later, there was still nothing, then suddenly I found myself pulling out my shirttail and grabbing for the banner. I had this strong urge out of nowhere to just pull out my banner and shout "Falun Dafa hao!" At the last moment, I hesitated and stopped. It was only a few seconds later that I heard the first shouts of "Falun Dafa hao!" coming from other practitioners on the square.

Then I pulled out my banner and started to unfold it. Within a couple of seconds, a plainclothes policeman came up and knocked the banner out of my hands. One of the images I will always remember from that day is looking down at the half unfolded yellow banner lying there on the ground. I felt a sense of extreme disappointment.

Looking back, naturally, I regretted having hesitated the first time in pulling out my banner. This was clearly the human side restraining the cultivated side. Wasn't my purpose in coming to Tiananmen to unfurl a Dafa banner? To validate Dafa? To appeal for the Chinese practitioners enduring such persecution? Why did I hesitate? If I had pulled out the banner initially, I probably could have completely unfurled it before the police got to me. There should not have been any hesitation, even though things were not proceeding to plan. Master Li has said clearly (To All Students at the Nordic Fa Conference), "So in clarifying the truth, don't wait, don't rely on others, and don't just hope for external factors."

In fact, I think Master Li gave me a hint on that airplane flight to China. I was wearing our big banner around my waist underneath my pants on the airplane. While adjusting the banner, I broke off my pants buckle and then later I broke off my zipper. I had to borrow a belt from another practitioner to hold up my pants. It's pretty obvious what the hint was to me. I think any trace of humanness is really an impediment to Fa-rectification and Dafa disciples doing Fa-rectification. We should constantly be diligent in cultivating ourselves to root out our remaining humanness so that our cultivated divine side will not be restrained. This lesson has taught me that we are Dafa disciples. When we validate Dafa, we should do it in a noble, dignified and open manner. We should not hold back or restrain ourselves in any way.

Once the first policeman started to grab me, however, I found myself reacting almost automatically. I was now more clearheaded and determined. I broke out of his grip and started to repeatedly shout in Chinese "Falun Dafa is good!" and "The whole world knows Falun Dafa is good!" As more policemen came to tackle me down, I just remember continually twisting out of their holds and breaking out of their arm locks while shouting. I don't really know how long I was able to resist or how many people saw and heard me on that square. I was determined that even without the banner, I was going to clarify the truth as long as I could.

Eventually, the policemen took me down to the ground and a police van drove right up a couple feet in front of us. We struggled up the steps and then they threw me under one of the seats. This big plainclothes policeman stood on my head with his boot, pinning me to the floor until we arrived at the police station.

Some practitioners had expressed concern about overseas Asian practitioners going to Tiananmen Square. I guess this was a little bit of human thinking, that as Asian practitioners, the police could mistake us for Chinese practitioners and really treat us badly. Indeed, I think that the few Asian practitioners that went did get treated more roughly, but then some of the Western practitioners also got beaten up badly also. My thinking before I went, which is also a bit of human thinking, is that initially we may get treated roughly until they find out we are foreign citizens. I didn't have much of an attachment to getting beaten up or violently treated, and I was prepared for it if I did have to endure it. However, I also thought that after the police learned that I am an American citizen, they would treat me differently. Herein lies a subtle attachment to life and death.

When they first brought me to the police station, I was searched. I had my passport in my rear left pants pocket. They searched me thoroughly but they never even touched that pocket or found my passport. Later on, before they put us on the bus to the detention center, we were searched more thoroughly. They took everything I had on me but strangely again, they didn't even touch that pocket where my passport was. At the detention center, we were put through metal detectors and then a female police officer with white gloves did an even more thorough search. Yet, again she never even touched my pocket where my passport was. It wasn't until the interrogation when they demanded that I empty my pockets that they found my passport.

The evil's arrangement was to expel us from China as quickly as possible. As Dafa disciples, we should not accept any of the evil's arrangement. When we came back to North Carolina, there was extensive media coverage and the impact was big. However, had we been detained another day or so, I think the media attention would have become even more intense and widespread.

My understanding now is that we shouldn't have needed to carry our passports with us or reveal them to the police. Master Li was giving that hint to me. Without the passports and volunteering information about ourselves, it would have been more difficult for the police to expel us so quickly. That would have maximized the effect of our going to Tiananmen. We went there as overseas practitioners, and we knew we would be treated differently. Especially the non-Asian Western practitioners, by just the color of their skin, the police would know they are not Chinese practitioners. For us Asian non-Chinese practitioners, the question to ask is, "Have we really let go of life and death? What if they thought we were Chinese and shipped us off to a labor camp? What if they started to torture us? Would we then say we were not Chinese?"

I stayed with a fellow NC practitioner that was going to secretly videotape the appeal. It was important that he did not get detained, so we separated on the morning of the appeal and he went to check into another hotel. We had stayed together in the same hotel rooms since we got to China. During the interrogation, they wanted to know where I stayed. I mostly evaded all their questions but when fatigue set in, human thinking also crept in. I thought it was OK to tell them the hotels that we stayed in since the practitioner had already separated and checked into his own hotel room. I didn't consider the fact that when we checked in, the hotels took our names and passport numbers. When the police got to the hotel, they searched the entire room and my luggage. I noticed a sheet of paper on the countertop that had the name and address of the practitioner's hotel that he checked into. I had a sinking feeling when they found that piece of paper. They now had his name, passport number and hotel information. I thought it was a matter of time before they figured things out and found him.

I was kept in a room with a dozen other practitioners that night at the detention center. I alternated between trying to maintain righteous thoughts and having a heavy heart of concern. I knew that if the practitioner were arrested, it would be my fault. He would not have been able to get the footage back and all the planning and effort would have been for naught. As morning approached, I kept eyeing the clock as it crept passed 9:30 am. That was the time of his flight out of China.

It turned out that the hotel the practitioner was staying at was actually the one right in front of the detention center. He was nearby the entire time. Also, we were put on the same flight as he was that morning. Everything turned out all right. However, I had to look inside. Why did I not refuse to give out the information? I have read stories about how Mainland Chinese practitioners suffer through tremendous torture and still refused to give out information to incriminate fellow practitioners. It was obvious to me, there was still a deep rooted fear, an attachment to life and death. Master Li has said (in "Eliminating Your Last Attachment"), "If a cultivator can let go of the thought of life and death under any circumstance, evil is sure to be afraid of him. If every student is able to do this, evil will of itself cease to exist."

In ending, I would like to quote a sentence from Master Li. Two paragraphs into Zhuan Falun, Master tells us, "...you will realize in the future that this period of time is extremely precious." Sometimes when I come across this passage in my reading, I get a fleeting realization and a hard to describe feeling of the profoundness of the statement. The whole process of going to appeal on Tiananmen Square has made me realize even more the preciousness of our time and our monumental responsibility as Fa-rectification disciples. I hope we all really cherish this moment, make the best use of our time, and do even better in the future.

Thai Ton

Durham, North Carolina

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