July 7th, 2002
(Clearwisdom.net) When I look back on my three-year cultivation process amidst Fa-rectification, my focus has been to safeguard Dafa and persevere in true cultivation. I have not seen any supernormal scenes and have not had any magic dreams, but I keep my cultivation up to date only with my righteous faith in Dafa and Teacher.
When I first heard that Falun Dafa was banned on July 20th, 1999, the first thought that came to mind was to safeguard the Fa. I appealed to the provincial government for several days in a row, and was illegally taken to a detention center by provincial government police July 23, 1999. I had the thought during the detention that I would continue to safeguard the Fa after my release. At the time, I seemed to know that I had made a vow long ago to come and help with Fa-rectification.
At the end of September 2000, I went to Beijing with my husband. I felt steady and easy on the way. We went to Tiananmen Square on our second day there. My husband unfolded a banner and I practiced the exercises. He was arrested and released that same night. However, the police did not notice me, so I was able to leave the square without any trouble.
I went to appeal in Beijing again at the end of 2000 and was arrested in Tiananmen Square. I wouldn't cooperate with the evil and refused to give my name and address. I was sent to Fangshan Detention Center later. They got nothing from me after a two-day interrogation. There were over thirty Dafa practitioners detained there, with more practitioners being sent in from time to time. Some practitioners persisted in a hunger strike. After a discussion with other practitioners, I thought I should join them. But I was not very confident that I could do it, since in my regular daily life, I usually couldn't miss even a single meal. I joined them with the thought of giving it a try. After a lot of discussion with fellow practitioners, my understanding based on the Fa became more and more clear. Later 36 practitioners went on a hunger strike together, appealing for our unconditional release. As time elapsed, my cultivated part became stronger and stronger and my state became better and better. On the 12th day of our hunger strike, we refused the force-feeding together and were thus beaten up. Five practitioners were released that night. By the 19th day of the hunger strike, the police couldn't insert the tubes into our stomachs any more. In order to avoid responsibility for our conditions, they released six practitioners including myself unconditionally that night. It was near the time of the traditional Chinese New Year. Knowing we were southerners, however, the police sent us on a long-distance bus to Northern China. They believed we would die either in the cold or of hunger. After experiencing a lot of hardship, I eventually returned home with the protection of our Teacher. My body recovered very soon thereafter.
In the days that followed, I spent most of my time doing truth-clarification work. My husband was arrested in 2001 and illegally sent to a labor camp. My family didn't exist any more. I began to lead a homeless life. I heard with surprise in March 2001, that my two sisters who were illegally detained in labor camps had enlightened along an evil path due to their weak main spirits. I felt very sorry for them, as if they had passed away. At the same time, my attachment to sentimentality arose and I couldn't help but feel resentment towards them. After they were released, I resolved to break their wrong understanding of Dafa and help them rejoin the path of Fa-rectification. They eventually woke up from the wrong enlightenment. In December, I got news saying my husband and other practitioners who were considered quite good in their cultivation had also enlightened along evil paths due to their temporary weak consciousnesses. My husband is one of the local veteran practitioners. He used to spread the Fa and safeguard the Fa everywhere. Even after he was arrested, he still wrote letters to encourage me to walk every step well in the Fa-rectification. But now even he had enlightened along an evil path! I suddenly felt helpless and alone. But soon I became rational again and denied these feelings. Through Fa-study, I realized that their enlightening along an evil path was not Teacher's arrangement. It became clear that they had followed the paths arranged by the evil due to their own attachments. I felt sorry for them, but was no longer moved.
On New Year's Day of 2002, the police discovered a materials resource site, and a practitioner was arrested as a result. The practitioner gave out my name while being tortured. Then the crazed evil searched for me everywhere. They even kidnapped my younger sister and tortured her trying to learn my whereabouts. They failed to get any information, so they illegally detained her for three months without any warrant. My sister was then monitored after her release. The police kept a watch on our parents' home. They tapped the phone and tailed their movements. My whole family lived in terror. At the time, I felt enormous pressure and I also had the attachment of fear. It was very uncomfortable for me to have a restless and homeless life. I felt very tired when my state was not good. Then I developed an attachment to time. This June, practitioners around the global sent forth righteous thoughts. I was very enthusiastic about that and had put all my efforts into it. I stayed at home all day sending forth righteous thoughts every hour on the hour, hoping this time we could truly eliminate the evil so that we could save the sentient beings, free all detained practitioners, including my husband, and help those who had enlightened along evil paths come back their senses. I was also dreaming of the day when I could reunite with my family. When the outcome did not turn out to be what I expected, I was disappointed. Now I understand that if we expect something to happen with such a human mentality, we are certain to be disappointed when that thing does not happen. We should always look at things from the perspective of the Fa.
Looking back at my cultivation process, I realized I didn't really understand the Fa from the Fa, nor did I treat everything with perseverance. Just relying on enthusiasm to doing Dafa work would not do. We should strive forward in the Fa-rectification process with strong righteous thoughts and righteous actions.
It is just as a practitioner said: "If there is only one day left, we should still handle ourselves well for that one day. If there is ten thousand years left, then try our best in these ten thousand years."