A Western Practitioner

(Clearwisdom.net)

A couple of days ago, I realized that my attachment to waiting for changes was having a big impact on my cultivation and Fa-rectification work. I would like to share my understandings with fellow practitioners.

Often when doing anything - be it studying the Fa, sending forth righteous thoughts, clarifying the truth, doing the exercises or doing everyday work - I realized that I often had this mentality of finishing what I was doing quickly and going on to the next thing. As a result, I was not putting in my best effort and was not focused in what I was doing.

A couple of days ago, I realized that there was something wrong with my mentality. Why was I always uncomfortable with my present conditions and what I was currently doing? Why was I always eager to "get over with it" and rush to do something else? For instance, while studying the Fa, I often couldn't concentrate, and I would think, "Oh, let me finish Fa-study quickly, since I am not good at it, and let me do Fa-rectification activities well." As a result, I would concentrate even less on Fa-study. When I did do Fa-rectification work, I would be thinking, "Oh, I have so much Fa-rectification work and everyday work to do. How can I do it well? Let me do this quickly and go on to everyday work." While doing the exercises, I would think, "Let me finish the exercises quickly so that I can go to study the Fa well."

When I finally looked within, I realized that hidden deep within me was an attachment to perfection. I wanted everything to be perfect before I put in my best effort. The old forces must have arranged this for me. Even though I was trying to do my best on the surface, deep down, I was passively waiting for changes in external conditions and myself. I was thinking, "Oh, if my friends and family are more open, I could clarify the truth to them better." "If my work and home conditions are better, I could do a better job at Fa-study and Fa-rectification." "If I was more calm and clear-minded, I could do a better job at everything I do." "If I had no fear, I could clarify the truth to the Chinese students I meet with more confidence." etc.

Thus, whenever I was doing anything, I was always passively waiting for external and internal changes so that I could do better. Once I came to understand my mentality, I realized that I should not wait for any changes, but rather do the best with what I currently have. Waiting is the old force arrangement. Stepping forward and breaking through that arrangement is my responsibility as a Fa-rectification Dafa disciple.

Soon after realizing my attachment and how to solve it, I tried to put it into action. That evening, my mind wandered much less than usual during the exercises, and I was finally able to study almost one whole lecture of Zhuan Falun without any interfering thoughts! I was also more confident when approaching Chinese students to talk to them, even though I was still as 'imperfect' as before. While sending forth righteous thoughts, I was much more focused.

I believe that whether we are perfect or not, or whether our external conditions are conducive or not does not matter very much. We should step forward and do the best we can with what we have. We must deny the old force arrangements and step forward to save sentient beings without delay.

Above are just a few understandings at my current level. I request fellow practitioners to compassionately point out anything inappropriate.

Posting date: 3/20/2003
Original article date: 3/19/2003
Category: Practitioners' Insights

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