What is Behind Failing to Find One's Own Attachment

By a Dafa practitioner in Mainland China

(Clearwisdom.net) Editor's note: Dafa practitioners all understand that we should look within when we meet with conflicts. However, because of lack of our Fa-study and the limit of our cultivation realm, some practitioners may sometimes forget to look within. At other times, we might think that we are looking within, but we are actually looking on the outside. Sometimes we are unwilling to look within ourselves, and sometimes we can't find the attachments that hold us back no matter how hard we try to search within.

Many practitioners realize that most of the time, when we fail to find our own attachments or when it doesn't work to look inside, it's because we have not studied the Fa well enough, or we are stuck in a human way of thinking or in the specific details, instead of stepping back to look at the specific conflicts from a broader angle or from the higher perspective of Dafa practitioners being responsible for Dafa by doing well on our own. There are also some other situations. The following is from a fellow practitioner in Mainland China talking about his personal cultivation experience from the perspective of righteous thoughts. This is for experience sharing purposes only.

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In the past, my conflicts with fellow practitioners in my project team became more and more intense. This incorrect state lasted for a long time and directly influenced the smooth operation of our Dafa project. Fellow practitioners and I were very concerned since we could not resolve our conflicts. Even when they got resolved temporarily, our conflicts were triggered again at any moment and over trifles. The situation sometimes improved, but sometimes it got worse, especially when I was myself in conflict with other practitioners over nothing. It made my fellow practitioners afraid of offending me. After calming myself down to study the Fa and completely looking inside myself, very soon, the situation improved.

My fellow practitioners were all pleased with the improved situation. Personally, I felt that I had made fundamental changes. I made great breakthroughs both in my understanding of the Fa-principles and also in my own xinxing (character). Several times, the conflicts with fellow practitioners were resolved immediately. I felt totally confident that we would not stumble or get scared again by the conflicts between us. One night, I was again overwhelmed with demon nature, and it was worse than ever before. The great change in my xinxing made me unable to recover from this setback. The righteous thoughts that I had just cultivated were completely wiped out. I was left feeling very confused.

I told myself to look within, however no matter how I looked, there was always a strong force stopping me. It was even difficult to find a tiny crack. All my thoughts seemed to be blocked completely. The "strong force" pushed me outside and stopped me from looking inside. In addition, this kind of strong push is something that I had never experienced before. This filled me with utter confusion.

At night, I went somewhere alone, and with difficulty, read through Master's recent lecture in Los Angeles. I could not get to sleep for a long time. I thought about when Master mentioned that he was treating patients at the Oriental Health Expo, the old forces gathered at the place of the infection, blocking Master's Gong. At this moment, a feeling of hope came into my mind, "Did this force that stopped me from looking inside come from the old forces?" I thought a step further, about why the old forces were able to succeed so easily. I remembered several days before when I first improved with the conflicts, I had thought to myself, "What kinds of conflicts could you, the old forces possible create for me that would allow you to succeed with your interference? I will not give in to you." However, look what happened to me...

Early the next morning, the fellow practitioner who had conflicts with me found me, and I still felt ill at ease. I seemed to be blocked by a wall. I told her my understanding about what Master mentioned about the old forces blocking the place of the infection. She agreed with my understanding. This made me feel more positive and built up my own righteous thoughts. I still felt confused over the sudden attack by the old forces. I again told her my state of mind after breaking through the conflicts. She thought it was because I had other attachments of zealotry and of showing off. At night, I did look inside myself in this way, but I was doubtful and thought, "How could this be an excuse for the old forces to take advantage of my loopholes?" I stayed at this human level of understanding. This happened when I lost my vigilance and failed to look at things with righteous thoughts, so the old forces made use of the loopholes.

She repeated Master's teachings about how easily the mentality of zealotry and showing off can be used by demons. This made me think it over again. My thoughts were opened. The walls around me disappeared. My heart was illuminated inside and out. I realized that behind the attachments of zealotry and showing off, there hid the mentality of what Master referred to in "Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A."

I have a deeper understanding of the principle of looking inside: Actually to look inside is already the display of a Fa-principle. Whether you want really to look inside depends all on you yourself. Why can't you always keep righteous thoughts and diligently eliminate it completely? From this perspective, we can see how important it is to maintain strong righteous thoughts. Otherwise it is the same as letting the old forces make use of the loopholes of a human being, and it is too easy for them to do so. This Fa-principle seems to be so easy. However, the nature of the Fa is so profound and deep, and my personal understanding of the Fa is so shallow.

This profound lesson has made me realize more clearly how serious and important Dafa practitioners' righteous thoughts are. Even more important is the purity of the righteous thoughts.

The above is only my personal understanding. Fellow practitioners please correct it with compassion if there is anything improper.
Chinese version available at http://www.minghui.ca/mh/articles/2003/4/24/49009p.html

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