(Clearwisdom.net) For a long time, I had trouble with my cultivation. While studying the Fa and reading Minghui Weekly, I felt pure and virtuous, had righteous beliefs and had determination to practice. Once I came across everyday conflicts in my life, however, I simply couldn't maintain my xinxing (mind or heart nature, character) level. Sometimes I deliberately let my xinxing level drop by letting my demon nature take over. This resulted in my acting like an ordinary person instead of a Falun Dafa practitioner. Later on, I would become regretful and upset with myself for not being able to pass the tests. I would become determined to do better next time, and do my best to reinforce this thought as I studied the Fa. When conflicts surfaced, I would again fail to meet the standard of a practitioner. This type of thing happened many times, and I still couldn't make any headway. I was exhausted from my struggles.
At one point there were several days in a row when I repeatedly came across situations where others treated me unfairly and fought against me for their own personal gain. I became so angry and distressed with the situation that I couldn't study the Fa calmly. I also did not want to send righteous thoughts. When I did, the results were not good because I was wasting my energy being angry and thinking that I was being mistreated.
One day, as I was thinking about my attachments calmly, all of a sudden I came to a realization and felt a wonderful sense of relief. I realized that the foundation of my daily thoughts and behaviors had been wrong! By being moved by the "selfish heart" of an everyday person, I had allowed myself to unknowingly become attached to everyday people's fame and personal gain. When I encountered small obstacles, instead of acting like a practitioner and facing them, I acted like an everyday person. I felt ashamed and embarrassed when I evaluated myself by the standard that Teacher gave us to assist him in the Fa-rectification and to save the sentient beings. The bottom line was that I had not studied the Fa or followed the teachings consistently.
A practitioner who is distracted by his own selfish concerns cannot do well in clarifying the truth and saving sentient beings, for the nature of the universe is selfless. Learning the Fa well is the only way to ensure we will never be lost in the strong current of everyday people. That is why Teacher has told us again and again to study the Fa. We must focus our attention when we study the Fa. Everything that needs to be said is contained in the Fa. We have to constantly study the Fa so that our thoughts are always with the Fa. The Fa can cleanse the stains from our hearts so that we can clarify the truth with pure intent and truly save all sentient beings.
In addition to learning the Fa well, we need to read articles on Clearwisdom diligently. Much has been written about practitioners' experiences and lessons learned through setbacks. There are also articles about the progress of Fa rectification, and what it requires of practitioners.
