Returning Home
By a Falun Gong practitioner in Tianjin, China
(Clearwisdom.net) Since April 2004, many fellow practitioners published
articles on Clearwisdom.net recounting Master's public transmission of Falun
Dafa since 1992, as well as their own experiences relating to Falun Dafa
practice. As I read through these articles, I was often moved to tears by
Master's benevolence, his forgiveness and thorough caring for the disciples.
They reminded me of my cultivation experience. Although my story is an ordinary
one, it shows the greatness of Master and of the Fa. 1. Falun Dafa gave me a new life I began practicing Falun Dafa on March 26, 1998. I had just celebrated my
42nd birthday. I had three major surgeries in four years, and both of my parents
passed away. My family and friends turned against me because of financial
issues. Although I was an atheist, I longed for a place where my heart belonged. I
went to churches and temples where I felt my heart was purified. I wanted to
stay there forever, but I was disappointed when I saw the priests and monks
fighting for worldly things. March 26, 1998, was the most important day of my life. I was very ill at the
time, and I had a jar of medication by my bed. I had a doctor's appointment for
that afternoon. In the morning I read a book my sister had given me entitled Beijing
Falun Dafa Practitioners' Cultivation Experience. I was moved by Master Li's
vast compassion and the power of Dafa. I thought, "I want to practice Falun
Gong!" It was noon when I finished reading the book. I got up to prepare lunch, but
I sat back down in surprise. I realized my breathing was no longer labored, and
instead it was even and smooth. I was hungry, even though I had lost my appetite
a long time ago. I felt very comfortable and light, although prior to noon my
legs were heavy and weak. I stood there wordless, as tears streamed down my face. I hadn't even read
any Falun Gong books and I didn't even know how many sets of exercises there
were in Falun Gong, but Master was taking care of me simply because I wanted to
practice Falun Gong. I cancelled the doctor's appointment and instead went to my
sister's home to do the Falun Gong exercises. In the evening I joined a group
doing the exercises. I felt a Falun [law wheel] spinning when I put my
hands over my abdomen. I took Dafa books with me when I went home, and this
launched my cultivation journey. I read all of the Dafa books during the following two weeks. I didn't sleep
much, and ate little, to make more time to read the books. I even read a few
pages while waiting for people in the street. My view of the world completely
changed in those days, and the questions that I've had for many years were
completely answered. I was ecstatic and I felt like singing and laughing. I was
walking on clouds. My friends and colleagues said I looked like a different
person. They could not understand what could make me, a person who was fired
from my job at the time, so happy. I told them my experience, and gave them each
a copy of the book Zhuan Falun. Some of them obtained the Fa this way. I remember three things from reading Zhuan Falun for the first time:
The reason human beings live in this world is not be to human, but to return to
their true, original selves, cultivation is up to oneself and gong is up
to the master, and "It's hard to endure, but you can endure it. It's hard
to do, but you can do it." I wasted the first 42 years of my life, and now
I have finally learned the true meaning of life. I realized everything that I
could not let go of before was extremely insignificant. I learned that suffering
does not mean that goodness is not rewarded, but that suffering is paying back
karma. My feelings at the time were beyond words. I decided to cultivate until
completion. Within the next year, I encountered many physical tribulations and
xinxing challenges, but I passed them with a firm belief in the Fa. 2. Cultivate the righteous Fa and return home with Master In mid April 1999, He Zuoxiu, a member of the Chinese Academy of Science,
published an article in the Teenager Science Expo magazine in which he
attacked Dafa and Master. Subsequently, some government units issued orders
prohibiting grade school and middle school students from practicing Falun Gong,
and people were not allowed to practice near schools. Some practitioners wrote to the government to clarify the facts with their own experiences, to explain how Dafa can benefit people both physically and mentally, and that Dafa will only benefit and never harm any individual or society. In order to further
clarify the truth, some practitioners in Tianjin went to the Tianjin Teacher's
College, the publishers of Teenager Science Expo. On my way to the Tianjin Teacher's College, I remembered my experiences from
the previous year. Dafa and Master helped me, a person mired in illnesses, to
become a healthy person, and transformed a narrow-minded person into one that is
big-hearted and considerate. My son also started practicing Dafa. He became
healthy and kind, and because he had outstanding grades, he was accepted by a
prominent middle school. My son's story proves He Zuoxiu wrong for saying "Falun
Gong will lead people astray... and it will cause harm to young people." My
purpose in going to the Teacher's College was to help the editors learn the
truth about Falun Gong and to help more people obtain Dafa. On April 21, when I went to the Teacher's College, I saw many practitioners
there. They quietly sat on the sidewalk to avoid blocking traffic. They didn't
have any slogans or banners, and they quietly waited to meet with the editors.
In order not to cause any disturbance, the practitioners ate and drank little to
minimize the number of times they used the toilet. Once in a while a
practitioner would remove water bottles and food bags to keep our surroundings
clean. We waited for a whole day without getting any feedback. On April 22 I went back to the college. It was cloudy and it started raining
in the afternoon. I saw someone videotaping us from inside a building. My mind
was serene and I thought, "I want them to see what kind of people Dafa
practitioners are. I want them to see Dafa practitioners upholding the
Truth." On April 23 I went back in the morning. We still received no answer. In the
afternoon, the college authorities spoke to us through a loudspeaker, accusing
us of interfering with the normal teaching process. They asked us to leave
immediately or we would be held responsible for any consequences. We didn't
affect their teaching, and we were not trying to achieve any political goal. We
were only asking for a peaceful environment in which our children could practice
Falun Dafa undisturbed. Suddenly someone said, "Look, Falun!" I looked up and saw the sun
was a giant Falun that alternated turning clockwise and counterclockwise. I
clearly saw the wan symbol inside the Falun. When I looked down I saw countless
Falun in the air, on the ground, and on fellow practitioners' bodies. Tears
gushed from my eyes. In order not to make any noise, we tried to suppress our
excitement at seeing the Faluns, and silently put our palms toward each other in
the Heshi gesture. This magnificent scene lasted for a very long time. Around 6:00 p.m. I saw many police cars parked across the street and fully
armed police officers filled the street. There were quite a few buses that were
to be used to transport the practitioners. I was not afraid but I had a solemn
and sad feeling in my heart. Soon, other practitioners also saw the police. No
one tried to escape, as everyone was prepared. We hid Dafa books in our clothes,
because we were determined to study the Fa and do the exercises, wherever we
were to be taken. A little later, the police ran up to us and started hitting us with batons.
They also beat and kicked us. They were particularly vicious with the young
practitioners. Some young practitioners' faces were covered in blood. We
remained compassionate and tolerant, and we kept telling them the truth. I was
almost the last one to be dragged out of the college. I caught a glimpse of two
buses fully loaded with Dafa practitioners leaving the college. When the
incident was later reported on TV, the head of the Tianjin Police Department
lied to the whole world and said the police didn't beat or arrest a single
practitioner. It was past 9:00 p.m. when we were driven away from Teacher's College. We
didn't receive a response and my fellow practitioners were illegally arrested. I
could not just go home. So, some of us went to the City government and demanded
the release of the practitioners. At around 2:00 a.m. we were told the arrested
practitioners had been released, so we went home. Later, we learned that the
government had lied to us. On the evening of April 26, a fellow practitioner called me and said that
10,000 practitioners went to Beijing to appeal, and premier Zhu Rongji had met
with representative practitioners and given them a satisfactory answer. The
appeal ended peacefully and many media inside and outside of China reported the
incident. I innocently believed we would again have a peaceful environment, free
of harassment. In the following three months, from April 25 to July 25, I constantly heard about
practitioners being harassed and unreasonably dispersed by police. Their phones
were tapped and they were followed around. I felt depressed. I often saw police
around our practice site, and sometimes they took pictures of us. However, we
kept doing the exercises and studying the Fa until July 20, 1999. On July 20, 1999, Jiang's faction launched the attack on Falun Gong and the
founder of the practice. They used television to broadcast false charges against
Master and Dafa, to confuse the Dafa students, and to deceive the common people.
In the first few days I didn't practice the Falun Gong exercises, yet what was
shown on TV was totally different from my own understandings. The pictures and
video recordings, however, were so convincing that my mind was really in
turmoil. I thought about this for a few days. Our Master teaches us to be kind to
others, to be good people in all circumstances, and to raise our xinxing level.
The fellow practitioners I contacted were indeed diligently acting according to
Master's requirements, being the kindest people in society and in their
families. Falun Dafa is the only piece of pure land. Considering the
improvements gained by other practitioners and my physical improvements, I felt
the actual existence of this gong and Fa. On the other hand, my own life
experiences also made me doubt what the government said. Finally I made up my
mind, regardless of the situation, that I would certainly continue the practice. I practiced the exercises and studied the Fa every day in my home and
encouraged other practitioners to keep doing so. Regarding whether or not to
validate the Fa in Beijing, our opinions differed. Many fake works [articles
allegedly written by Master] also interfered with us. Later I realized that it
was because we only focused on individual cultivation that the evil could take
the advantage of us. It was not until the second half of 2000 that I was able to read Master's new
writings and overseas lectures. By then I understood the relationship between
individual cultivation and the current Fa rectification. In the past, my truth
clarification was just based on affection towards Master and Dafa. I was unclear
about our own responsibilities and also unclear about the true significance of
truth clarification. In order to let more people know the true story and permit fellow
practitioners to read Master's lectures sooner I bought a copy machine.
Initially, practitioners from our site came to pick up truth clarifying
materials. Later, persons from some other sites came to take handouts and
writings as well. One time, about a hundred practitioners came to take written
materials. I followed Master's teachings, that a practice site should neither
get involved with nor keep money or property. I had been using my own savings to
do Dafa work. By 2002, when I started to make truth clarifying VCDs, the expense
was too high, so I began to accept other practitioners' contributions. I kept
all the records for each expense and made sure not to waste practitioners'
money. In 2003, after discussing this with other practitioners, we bought a
printer and a scanner, and started making truth-clarifying flyers. Every day, in
addition to Fa-study, exercises, and completing the necessary housework, I
basically did Dafa work. With the continuing progress of the Fa rectification
process, other practitioners nearby also bought copy machines and printers. My
workload then became a little lighter than before. 3. Study the Fa more, and solidify righteous thoughts to eliminate
tribulations During the five years of Fa-rectification I did a few things that were not
worthy of mention. In the meantime I also ran across some tribulations. Looking
back, all of that was due to my doing Dafa work while neglecting Fa-study and
lacking righteous thoughts. In the summer of 2003, police abducted a practitioner I was acquainted with.
His house was ransacked. He was unable to stand up to the police torture and
betrayed some practitioners. The police took the list of names to abduct these
Dafa disciples. This practitioner knew everything about my site. On hearing
about his situation my mind was shaken and I began thinking all day long whether
or not he would betray me, whether I would be able to stand up if they would nab
me, and where these hundred people could go to get those Falun Dafa materials.
Whenever a police car passed my house my heart beat very hard. I started sending forth-righteous thoughts for a long time, and slowly I
calmed down. I thought that I was doing the most righteous thing, when actually
I had an attachment of which the evil could take advantage. Reviewing my
situation, I discovered that I was busy all day doing the Dafa work, and
neglecting Fa-study, and that is why the human notions had unceasingly
developed--for instance, the mentality of doing Dafa work, the mentality of
showing off, the jealous mind, etc. Several times in our Fa-study group, I even
talked about how we had to suffer to establish mighty virtue. I suddenly realized that I still hadn't gotten out of the cycle of individual
cultivation, and was only seeking self-consummation and was not clear about Dafa
disciples' responsibilities during the Fa-rectification. Wasn't this walking the
path of the old forces' arrangements? Therefore, when I sent forth-righteous
thoughts I added a thought, "Thoroughly deny all the old forces'
arrangements." Through every day's intensive Fa-study I continuously
improved, and my righteous thoughts became stronger. To help my mind calm down
during Fa-study I then took time to recite Zhuan Falun as well as
Master's new works during the daily Fa-study. The recitation of Master's works
gave me a feeling I never had before. When things just began to settle down I ran into another tribulation. The
fact that some practitioners had been arrested made my husband feel enormous
pressure. He couldn't understand what I was doing. He thought I was too selfish,
did not care about the family, ignored the past good days, and now only looked
for trouble. He said that I did not know the fierceness of prison and the
police. He told my older sister that if I continued like this he would consider
separating from me. When I heard this, my mind really wasn't moved. I said to my
sister that as a Dafa disciple I had done everything I should in my home.
Through practice I had improved the relationship with my husband and his family
members. He was fully aware of this. I would not initiate a divorce, but if he
forced me to make a choice between Dafa and the family, I would not hesitate to
choose Dafa. I continued the Fa-study, the exercises, and making truth-clarifying
materials as usual and took care of family members more carefully. During Fa-study
I thought about why the evil used my family members to create this barrier for
me. It must definitely be due to my having some omissions that such a thing
could happen. Through Fa-study I realized it was also the old forces'
arrangement. Those old forces want ordinary people to get the impression that
Dafa disciples only care about their practice and not about their families, and
thus bring difficulties to Dafa disciple in their efforts to offer salvation to
people. I strove to eradicate the old forces' arrangements and take each step
correctly on my cultivation path. We should do things with rational and clear
minds, and we should not go to extremes on any issues, otherwise we could give
others a bad impression. What we want to let go of is the emotional attachments
to family, not the family itself. A Dafa disciple's family members are also
people to whom we offer salvation. The fact that this situation happened meant
that I had neglected explaining the truth to my family members. When he was calm I explained to my husband the reasons for Dafa disciples
doing things without considering their own safety. Dafa disciples' behavior is
truly selfless. Whenever there was an opportunity I usually told him some
practitioner's story and the facts about Dafa spreading all over the world. I
told him about retribution for evil and rewards for good deeds. He gradually
changed, and has given me a lot of help in computer technology. We are still a
happy family. The huge changes in my body, mind, and family resulting from my Falun Dafa
practice made a big impression on his older brother and sister. The people in
those families all had very good understandings toward Dafa. Some began
practicing again, and others said that they would like to learn. 4. Keep a correctly balanced relationship between Fa study, cultivation and
clarifying the truth to offer people salvation As a disciple in the Fa-rectification period, I have experienced how to
correctly position the relationship between studying the Fa, cultivation, and
clarifying the truth to offer salvation to people. At first I only realized that
I must follow what Master said to clarify the truth to people. When coming
across a problem, I forgot that I was a practitioner and should look inward.
Instead I thought that that person's mind was deeply poisoned and had an overly
strong human notion. A typical example was when I clarified the truth to a fellow worker. I
initially introduced Dafa to him, and he was very surprised at the changes in
me. He said that he would like to read Zhuan Falun, so I joyfully gave
him the book, thinking that he was sure to like it. I didn't expect that after
he had read the book he wouldn't understand what Master said and the way Dafa
disciples behaved. At the outset I calmly discussed things with him. As the discussion
progressed, our voices became louder and louder, and finally we ended in an
argument. He even said something that was disrespectful toward Master and Dafa.
That same incident occurred several times, but I was still not aware of it.
Instead I was very angry. After again arguing with him, I returned home in anger, and couldn't help
telling my husband about our argument. My husband immediately lost his temper,
shouting at me, "You always think that you are the smartest, and nobody is
superior to you. This is your biggest drawback! Why should other people listen
to you?" When I heard these words I was shocked. Yes, that was really my
biggest drawback. From childhood to adulthood and from school to the work place,
others always recognized me as being smart. After having learned Dafa, even more
than before I felt that I was the luckiest person in the world. I could
understand many things that a common person could not. Zealotry, the mentality
of showing off, and my attachment to competition were all growing, but not my
compassion. How could this be a cultivator's correct mindset? I was really
ashamed of myself and said to my husband, "What you said was absolutely
right. I must get rid of these shortcomings. If I again demonstrate these
shortcomings, please remind me." Master told us in "Clearheadedness," "I often say that
if all a person wants is the well-being of others and if this is without the
slightest personal motivation or personal understanding, what he says will move
the listener to tears. I have not only taught you Dafa, but have also left you
my demeanor. While working, your tone of voice, your kindheartedness, and your
reasoning can change a person's heart, whereas commands never could!" (Essentials
for Further Advancement) I recognized that only when we have compassion but not the attachment to
competition and the mentality of showing off, can we offer salvation to people
so that they will accept what we say. Even for purposes of clarifying the truth,
we still need to study the Fa well, assimilate to the Fa, and gradually get rid
of various human attachments. Only when we talk without human notions will the
words we speak have power and eliminate bad factors in one's mind. One can then
accept the truth. I then intensified my Fa study and always reminded myself to repress all the
attachments I still had. During the process of cleaning my own energy field when
sending forth righteous thoughts, I specifically eliminated my competitive
mentality, the mentality for showing off and zealotry, and left them no room to
exist. In my later contact with this fellow worker I found that when I paid
attention to getting rid of my attachments, his attitude also changed. As he
read our flyers and watched our truth-clarifying discs more and more, his
changes became more and more apparent. One time he said from his bottom of
heart, "Falun Gong is really great! Your Master is even greater! Several
years of persecution didn't suppress you. Instead, more and more people became
practitioners. You practitioners have also raised your levels!" When I
visited him during this Spring Festival he told me that there were a lot of
truth-clarifying flyers in their apartment building, and almost every family had
a copy. When some of his neighbors doubted the contents in the flyer he would
immediately say, "That's true. What Falun Gong practitioners say is all
truth. I believe them since I know them!" While we were talking, his wife just listened to us silently, but later she
said, "Through your changes I recognize that Falun Gong is a great
practice. You were weak and sick in the past, and now you are young and healthy.
You were easily annoyed in the past, and now you are a very cheerful and open
person. You seem to have become a different person. When I am not too busy with
my work, I also want to learn Falun Gong from you." Recalling these five years of cultivation during the Fa-rectification era, I
deeply understand the importance of studying the Fa more, which Master often
advises us. As a Dafa disciple in the Fa-rectification period, only by studying
the Fa more can one understand the Fa and know the task that a Dafa disciple
faces. And only this way can one eliminate human notions and more effectively
clarify the truth. When we study the Fa more we can then eliminate all kinds of
bad thoughts and factors, and achieve the goal while sending forth righteous
thoughts. Only by studying the Fa more can one reinforce one's righteous beliefs
and righteous thoughts, eradicate the old forces' persecution, and take every
step correctly on one's cultivation path. My experiences also made me recognize that as a cultivator, a firm belief in
Master and Dafa is the basis for cultivation. Without that base, nothing else is
useful. Only if one firmly believes in Master, and firmly cultivates according
to Dafa is it possible to overcome any obstacle. Every time we come across
problems or tribulations, they are there because we haven't deeply studied the
Fa, don't understand the Fa well, and have attachments which give the old forces
an excuse to persecute us. During the remaining journey I will make sure to adhere to what Master
teaches and do the three things well: Study the Fa and cultivate, send forth
righteous thoughts, and clarify the truth, not letting down Master's merciful,
arduous salvation efforts, and not letting down the living beings who have
waited so long. If there is something incorrect with my above shallow understanding, please
be compassionate and point it out. Thank you, fellow practitioners, Thank you, Master!
Chinese version available at
http://www.minghui.org/mh/articles/2004/11/20/89630.html
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