A Determined Practitioner

By Gao Deji, a practitioner in Korea

(Clearwisdom.net) Recently, while studying Zhuan Falun, I have enlightened to many new aspects on the issue of truly practicing. I have gradually been able to absorb the content of every chapter into my mind. I then realized that in the past, I did not really understand and absorb words that Teacher stressed many times.

I carefully asked myself, "Have you truly practiced?" Surprisingly, I found that I had not. I had always thought I was working harder than anyone else, and that I met Teacher's requirements better than anyone else. How could this be possible?! Comparing oneself with others is an attachment and it will easily cause "Demonic Interference From One's Own Mind."

"I should work harder," I often thought. It's been seven years since I obtained the Fa and there has not been one day that I have skipped the exercises or Fa study. I also insist on sending forth righteous thoughts and clarifying the truth every day. I participate in validating the Fa every day and tried to cut down the time used for eating and sleep. Being a particle of Dafa, I must accomplish my task and save human beings and the sentient beings in the universe. I strived to have the compassion that melts steel and iron. I worked hard to understand and carry out every word that Teacher said. If someone asked me, "Are you truly practicing?" I would reply "yes" without a single doubt.

In the process of studying the Fa, Teacher gave me different hints to help me realize I was not truly practicing. I have now for the first time experienced the solemnity of the practice. Ever since I started practicing I was satisfied and happy about being able to discover the attachment of "me not wanting to admit my own faults." All my hard work during the past seven years was for myself: my health, my elimination of karma, upgrading my xinxing, my consummation, saving my sentient beings, and rectifying the Fa in my universe. There was not one day that I detached myself from "self." I was overly self-centered and had too many desires. I was often criticized and had troubles ever since I began practicing. Everything I did often brought troubles and criticisms because I didn't realize that I did it with selfishness. Though I memorized the phrase "fundamentally change its conventional thinking" from Lunyu, I had not realized that I did not change fundamentally. I have now come to understand that I can not change fundamentally if I do not stop being selfish. I knew that I had to assimilate to the Fa principles of the new universe by learning to put others first, to give up "self," and to save sentient beings. I knew that I had to work hard to validate the Fa. However, I could not figure out the reason why I encountered problems whenever it came time to do this.

Recently there have been some senior practitioners who encountered interference from laziness. Going out to validate the Fa had become like a responsibility, a formality, instead of something done from the heart. Seeing this, I knew that a similar factor existed in me. I made up my mind to change, knowing that Teacher did not want me to continue being like this - not fundamentally. From now on, I must eliminate the selfish mind and begin truly practicing.

After trying to eliminate the selfish mind a few times, I realized that the instant I quit thinking about myself, compassion rose up. I no longer study the Fa and exercise for myself. Instead I clarify the truth and sent righteous thoughts for the sentient beings in the universe. If I do things on the basis of helping the deluded sentient beings, I will never be bothered by laziness. Since selfishness began in high levels, it has also manifested at this level. Judging from human standards no one notices the badness that selfishness produces. Hence some everyday people even think that one would not work hard if he was not selfish, and that society would not develop if people were not selfish.

In fact, one will never feel tired once he becomes selfless. He will work even harder. The true "wuwei" is the state of no self and no attachments. In the end, let's remember what Teacher said in the last paragraph of Lecture Two as my conclusion,

"Human beings are very difficult to save. There are always about five or ten percent of the people in each class who cannot keep up with the others. It is impossible for everyone to attain the Tao. Even for those who can continue their cultivation practice, it remains to be seen whether you can succeed and if you are determined to practice cultivation. It is impossible for everyone to become a Buddha. True Dafa practitioners will undergo the same experiences by reading this book, and they will be able to obtain whatever they deserve all the same." (Zhuan Falun)

If my experience is improper, please kindly make corrections.

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