By a Dafa Practitioner in the US

(Clearwisdom.net) While working on a project, I misunderstood a fellow practitioner and this caused me to think a lot. For example, I thought that this practitioner was protecting her image of being "an intelligent person" or that she was covering up her shortcomings in front of others.

At that time, I knew that something was wrong although I could not tell what it was. Since I was afraid of hurting that practitioner, I did not directly tell her my opinions, although another practitioner suggested that I should be responsible to her by pointing out her shortcomings. However, that should be done only after I first searched within myself first and found nothing wrong with my own thinking. At that time, I very quickly checked myself and I did not find anything wrong, so I decided to write an article about what I had understood to "help" that fellow practitioner.

However, as I was thinking about how to write the article, I realized that I always found fault with others and did not look inside myself at all. So what was my problem? After I carefully thought about this issue, I became very alarmed. I finally saw the fundamental reason why I was not happy with that fellow practitioner.

For every person that I know in my daily life--especially if that person is a fellow practitioner--I always look for his or her shortcomings the first time I meet them. In the past, many fellow practitioners said I am just like a knife, or sharper than a needle. I also felt very frustrated with myself. Why was I just unable to see others' strong points? Acting this way, how could I coordinate the project I was working on? How could I "better utilize" what my fellow practitioners were good at? My frustration was, to some degree, due to my concern with the project that I was coordinating; but it was more due to the attachment that I had to placing myself above other practitioners. So when I see a fellow practitioner's shortcomings, I have already positioned that practitioner in my coordinate system, and I also gain a sense of safety, because I feel that everything is under my control. If I cannot see the shortcomings of a fellow practitioner, or if I can see his/her shortcomings but I do not know how to "test," "control," or "influence," I will have a very strong feeling of insecurity. That fellow practitioner whom I had complained about was of this type.

Having written to this point, my deep-rooted jealousy became all too clear.

Because of jealousy, I had generated many preconceived notions about other practitioners, which served just one purpose, which is, that I was superior, I was capable, and I had advantages over others. These notions severely obstructed my cooperation with fellow practitioners and my understandings of Dafa. I will give two examples. At an experience-sharing conference of Dafa practitioners, the first speaker was a practitioner that I did not think of highly then. So after the conference, I complained to other practitioners that this conference was "the worst among all conferences." I felt the words a fellow practitioner said sounded sarcastic, even when she said at the end of her speech that she would follow Master until the end of her cultivation. I asked myself what had happened to me. It turned out that although she and I did not work much together, some of the e-mails she sent to others were forwarded to me by another practitioner. Because of these e-mails, I had already positioned her in my mind. My human notions prevented me from accepting anything she said.

Recently, because of several articles published in the media [about Falun Gong], some practitioners initiated an intense discussion. I realized that I had a strong tendency of demanding other practitioners to "search within themselves." I used to think that I was very tolerant. I felt that the bad media reports were not the fault of the practitioners who were interviewed. It was nobody's fault. We had to cultivate ourselves and not be hypercritical. However, when I saw that those practitioners' "searching within themselves" did not suit my expectations, my uncompassionate side revealed itself, "This is really outrageous. You were fortunate that we did not blame you. Now you do not even search within yourselves!"

When other practitioners sincerely shared the principles that they had come to understand, I felt the enormous tolerance and compassion of Dafa. A thick shell surrounding me melted, and I felt so relaxed. I no longer hold unduly high opinions about myself. I understand now that my trust in my fellow practitioners is derived from my faith in Dafa, and not, as before, from my trusting my own notions, nor from the position in which I placed them in my coordinate system. Enlightened by fellow practitioners' words and behavior, I understood that "Share in learning and share in cultivating"¹ means finding how far a practitioner is from the Fa's requirements; it does not mean using the Fa or even my own notions to find what fellow practitioners have done wrong.

However, after I made up my mind to write this article, I suddenly thought of not following through with it yesterday evening. The root cause was that I was still reluctant to expose my jealousy. Why was I unwilling to reveal it? It was because I still held onto my attachments and was unwilling to let go of them. When I realized this, I wrote down my understandings that I mentioned earlier during lunch break. At the beginning, I did not know where to start and how to write since my recent understandings were fragmented. However, when my thoughts became clear and focused, the article just flew out from the tip of my pen without any hesitation! I knew that the power was not from me. I, in fact, have nothing.

Thank you Master! Thank you fellow practitioners!