(Clearwisdom.net) When I saw the article titled "Evidence of Chinese Special Agents Outside China Collecting Information on Practitioners" on May 16, 2003 on Minghui.net (http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2003/6/1/36389.html), it moved me deeply. The article described the same experience I had, when I went back to China. Due to various anxieties and fear, I did not expose the injustice in time, but will finally put it on paper today.

In the summer of 2002, when I was planning to go for a visit back to China, someone from the State Security Bureau approached me. From then on, every time I went back to China I was monitored and interrogated. This process lasted for 6 months. People from the public security bureau threatened me and then tried to coerce me to give up my practice of Falun Dafa and to collaborate with them as an informer. Although I told them that Dafa is good and I benefited from it myself, I had not studied the Falun Dafa teachings deeply enough and I failed to deny the arrangements of the old forces with the righteous thoughts of a true Dafa student. On many occasions I used my 'street-smarts' rather than the wisdom of a Dafa practitioner to deal with them, and answered some of their questions that I considered 'unimportant,' even signing my name on a record.

Following that, I had to deal with tribulations in my family. I was not able to remove my attachments to my new wife, my old parents and my newly successful career and bargained with them for my cultivation of Dafa, which should have been too sacred to bargain for. I promised them that I would attend fewer Falun Dafa conferences and group practices in order to "take better care of my family" and keep a low profile. What is worse, I once told my family and the staff of the State Security Bureau that I would give up Falun Dafa, which left a stain on my path to cultivation, and which I should never have done if I were a Dafa disciple.

Later, I felt a lot of remorse and I wrote e-mails and also talked to the people from the State Security Bureau face to face, letting them know that I still practiced Falun Dafa. I also told them that the support of other nations for Dafa, and the U.S. congress would protect the rights of Falun Gong practitioners. I further mentioned that overseas practitioners are suing Jiang, and that if they I continued to harass me, I would expose their reprehensible methods completely. However, now I realize that when directly dealing with the person who is controlled by the evil, I still did not manifest the compassion and seriousness of a true Dafa disciple, and I did not play the role of validating Dafa completely. This is not befitting a Dafa disciple in the Fa rectification period.

This experience exposed many of my attachments: fear, pursuit of comfort, sentimentality for family, the fear of losing face, etc. My past behavior was not worthy of Teacher's expectations for me. At the beginning of my cultivation, I had many ordinary attachments that I could not give up: Filthy things like the pursuit of fame, gain and sentiment. When I remember that it was Teacher who always gave me another chance and who endured the karma for me, while I continued to not do well, I feel very regretful. Here I solemnly declare that my former behavior and previous statements that were not in accordance with Dafa are null and void. From now on, I will hold myself to the strictest standards of Dafa, purify my every word and behavior, and catch up with Fa rectification process.

Signed: Hu Jian

May 19, 2003