Shared at the 2004 Washington, D.C. Falun Dafa Conference

(Clearwisdom.net)

Greetings, Master!

Greetings, Fellow Practitioners!

I would like to share some of my recent experiences. Please correct me if you see any area where I could improve.

Recently I reviewed a number of Falun Dafa documentary and truth clarification videos from the past five years. The path we have walked together over the past five years seems to be fading from our minds. I was deeply moved by the compassion and solid faith manifested in all of these faces ¨C my fellow practitioners who tirelessly work for Dafa. All of the hardships we have endured, all of the hard work we have done are proving one thing: "Falun Dafa is great!" I recall that Master said in "The Disciples' Magnificence," "Dafa disciples are magnificent, because what you are cultivating is the ultimate Great Fa of the cosmos, because you have validated Dafa with righteous thoughts, and because you have not fallen during the massive tribulation."

Looking back over my six years of cultivation and since coming overseas, I had to pass many tribulations, especially during the start of the severe persecution, when I had just graduated from college and was very busy with various truth clarification projects. Under the pressure of the persecution, I had to face many family tribulations that young people my age normally do not need to face. Master had just taught us how to send forth righteous thoughts, but I did not understand what the old forces' arrangements were. I still looked at things with emotions. But at one point I clearly understood and gladly embraced this realization: No matter how difficult things got or how tempting it was to stop, I never would stop practicing Dafa.

Fellow practitioners said that it seemed that I easily passed all of the tribulations at that time, but I know myself that it was so difficult, as if I was being totally reborn each time. At that time every one was devoted to clarifying the truth about the persecution. We lacked resources and were short handed. Everyone was stretched to his or her limit. We often worked through the night, but still needed to work or go to class during the day. I went from one project to another, such as distributing truth clarification materials at tourist attractions, clarifying the truth to university professors, to TV personalities, and newspapers. Wherever I was needed, I would appear. I had no time to think about my own suffering in the great current of Fa-rectification, but only felt the sentient beings' hope and my own responsibility.

Master said,

"Cultivation is hard. It's hard in that even when a terrible calamity strikes, even when evil madly persecutes, and even when your life is at stake, you still have to be able to steadfastly continue on your path of cultivation without letting anything in human society interfere with the steps you take on your path of cultivation." (from "Path," Essentials for Further Advancement 2)

When I felt pain in my heart, I could tell Master was right beside me, using the Fa (1) to cleanse me and support me, to pull me forward. I would not have time to stop or to take a rest. Recalling that period, I am in tears when I think of Master's compassion, and am so proud of being a Dafa disciple. I am also very proud of my fellow practitioners who have passed all the tribulations and followed the Fa-rectification process.

Nonetheless, when the situation improved I had to face the problems in myself that I had ignored. Master said in "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference,"

"Yes, you are clarifying the facts, are busy doing a lot of things, and there are many things to do; that has demonstrated the extraordinary side of Dafa disciples. But don't forget to cultivate away the most basic things!"

There was a period of time that I seemed to forget the magnificence of being a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple; I also forgot the greatness of other Dafa disciples. I complained that our areas' cultivation environment was not good, that we did not support each other, had poor coordination, etc., until one day, I suddenly recognized that all of this was a result of my looking at these with my own attachments. The only one who had a problem was me, not others.

When working on projects, it seemed there was a big problem between practitioners. Also, I thought, "They are all very strong and capable, and they disregard others' feelings when they speak. If I were to participate I would be the next to be criticized." I was within this cultivation environment, but I never actually put myself in it. When facing a conflict I always wanted to escape. Sometimes when we had group meetings and it was my turn to speak, I usually said that I had nothing to say. But when I asked myself, "If I really did have something to contribute, would I dare to say it?" No, I wouldn't. In fact, during some important discussions I did not dare to express myself and be responsible. Why? Am I afraid of being criticized or afraid of not speaking well? In fact, it was my attachments to notoriety/recognition and emotions that were being touched upon. Once, a male practitioner said, "You ladies are always afraid of being criticized, afraid of losing face." I immediately replied, "Aren't you attached to your reputation? If someone criticizes you, are you sure your heart is not moved?" Then I realized it was really just envy and resentment, feeling things were unfair. I thought that no one was perfect, so if there was something that didn't work out well, then everyone had to share the blame. This way I was not looked on as being too bad, compared to others, so then I would feel comfortable.

While I was avoiding conflicts, I was seeking solutions outside myself. I started to complain that our environment had problems, that we were not focused enough. I also said if the whole body has a problem, everyone should look inward. It seemed that this was just said to others though, and I didn't apply it to myself. Sometimes I was aware that I had a strong personality. I liked to use my views to comment on others, hoping that others would recognize my strong points. If they were nice to me, I thought I would not be criticized regarding my attachments. This way of thinking made me avoid an opportunity to improve; not only that, it pushed this state onto fellow practitioners.

I often saw others improve so quickly, but I still sat there. Just like what Master said in "Teaching the Fa at the 2004 Chicago Conference,"

"Some people always insist, "My, how come that person always has such an attitude? Why is he like that with everyone?" And there are some people who say, "Well nobody thinks too highly of him." But if you ask me, your master, you're all wrong. When none of you are attached anymore to wanting to hear pleasing things, when none of you are affected when you're insulted, see if he'll still be like that. Exactly because you people have those attachments, there exist factors that hit on your attachments; and exactly because those attachments of yours are stirred up, you get irritated; when all of you have those attachments, the situation where everyone is irritated by the person who hit on their attachments comes about. If you can all keep a calm and steady state of mind while being assaulted by strong words, and you're not at all affected, then see if those factors still exist."

Master also said:

"The more you put you first or mix in [factors of] self, the less mighty virtue you have, and that's why it is less likely that you succeed at things or do them well."

("Teaching the Fa at the Meeting of Asia-Pacific Students.")

Realizing that the old forces were using me and creating strife between practitioners and slowing down the Dafa project, in addition to thinking about how so many people need to be saved, I realized that my attachment had become a big burden.

It is so wonderful cultivating in Dafa. I was able to avoid conflicts with fellow practitioners, but I could not escape problems with my family members. All of my family members are practitioners. Once I talked to my husband using the tone of being responsible to fellow practitioners, commenting on each individual's shortcomings. After a little while, though, I could not go further, feeling weaker and weaker from commenting on others. Then my husband said, "What you said was all right, but I didn't feel that you were truly saying it for my own good."

I immediately backed down and agreed. I was speaking for my own sake, hoping that he could cultivate better so that I could benefit from it. I thought about the comments that I made to others before--how many of them were without concern for my own self? My mom shared her thoughts during a discussion. Some of them touched me and made me very uncomfortable, because I did not want to lose face. As soon as this thought arose, I saw every one laugh at me. I started to feel resentment and began to complain more. Distrust also came out. On the other hand, I knew I shouldn't let it go this time. I remembered that Master said in Zhuan Falun,

"As long as you improve your character, you will be able to overcome them ¨C it's only that you might not want to overcome them. If you want to overcome them you can." (Zhuan Falun, 2003, "The Fourth Talk")

I asked for help from Master in my heart.

Soon after that, at a group study, I felt that my heart was still uneasy. When I walked into the hall, practitioners were sending forth righteous thoughts. I saw that the whole energy field in the hall emitted very soft and beautiful lights that were so strong and sacred. I had never seen anything like this before and it came from all of the practitioners, regardless of whether they were female, male, old or young. This was my first time experiencing the "Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities." When I sat down, I clearly felt that something very hard in my body was dissolved in a second. I no longer carried the attachment in my heart and all the complaints were gone. Under the illumination from the light, which was beyond anything one can describe in words, I truly felt that every cell of my body was happy and joyous, and thankful to every practitioner. Every practitioner looked so good to me, so bright and shiny. I recalled that a practitioner once dreamed that every practitioner in the group was Buddha and god-like. I had never before thought about how this group, which I thought was lacking in kindness, had helped me in a special way that was beyond description. I gazed at my fellow practitioners and felt that I was a lost child before; now Master has brought me back in this Buddha and god-like gathering palace.

The South Africa shooting incident happened during the time of that specific Fa study. Fellow practitioners discussed how to deal with it. In my view, it was not "non-cooperative" anymore, but truly as Master said, that all "Gods are cooperative," and I felt as if we were "Charging thousands of miles and breaking evil arrangements".

Coming back to a practitioner with whom I'd had a conflict before, the practitioner now said to me, "I felt that I came here with a great mission but I regret that I did not perform my role well." It was this practitioner that once replied to my critiques regarding her complacency saying, "Don't underestimate Dafa's mighty virtue; everyone who cultivates is within Dafa. Dafa is boundless; how couldn't it melt a tiny small me?" Yes, it is true: I saw my fellow practitioners changing every day, changes that were not caused by common human things. I realized that it was not how much practitioners did for projects, how big the project was, or how good the relationships are between you and me. Rather, it is the heart and mindset that everyone has, regardless of whether it was manifested in respect to others or not, for the purpose of unconditionally assimilating to Truth, Compassion and Forbearance.

During face-to-face truth clarification, we still need to sublimate ourselves. Ever since joining various projects, I had fewer opportunities to do face-to-face truth clarification; furthermore, I lack the confidence that I had before. Coming back from the Atlanta Conference, one practitioner told me when she was listening to Master's speech, she made the wish that she would never lose any opportunities to clarify the truth. In fact, that was what she did. No matter where she was, in her work, talking to customers, meeting with officials, at a party, on the train, she tried her best to not miss any opportunity. She was very shy and not a talkative person, but her kind heart moved many people. Previously I would only talk to those with whom I had contact the most, or those I purposely wanted to tell the facts of Dafa to. She reminded and encouraged me to talk to those who even just walked by me.

Master said,

"Actually, it doesn't matter who it is, once someone enters the Three Realms it's impossible for him to ever return." ("Touring North America to Teach the Fa")

and,

"Yet whoever comes has to be made deluded as humans are, and, without exception, they become depraved along with people's society. So that's the relationship. Only those who had the heavenly courage to come down can hear the Fa that's so mighty and profound."

("Lecture at the First Conference in North America")

I realized that Dafa disciples were those who dared to come; furthermore, among those who have not yet obtained the Fa, there would be many who had suffered much to come to the human world, just waiting for Dafa and to obtain the truth. Since they represent a huge group of beings, they are also great and need to be treasured.

My subway ride to work takes longer than an hour. When looking at those passengers reading their newspapers or resting on their chairs after a busy work day, particularly for those Chinese people, I said to them in my heart, "Do you remember why you came here?" I wished I could go and talk to them in detail, not just hand them the truth clarification materials and chat a little bit. I could not imagine how I could talk to unfamiliar people, since I never speak well without consulting my written notes. I seldom talk to anyone I don't know.

Well, once I had the willingness, Master soon created an opportunity for me. I have a colleague who is also a practitioner. She is very brave and is always riding the same train with me. She consistently tries hard to locate Chinese people, wherever she goes. On the train she approaches Chinese people and hands them the truth clarification materials and starts talking about Falun Dafa. She puts her whole heart into talking with them. In this strong field I feel very comfortable and always see the people smile while learning the truth. She encouraged me to talk to Chinese people. I shyly approached one and asked, "Do you speak Chinese?" She said yes. I found that I had nothing else to say after that. I wanted to just hand the woman the informational handouts and then leave, but she started to talk to me, saying she had left China a long time ago, so she could not understand the simplified text version of the handout. I couldn't help but laugh inside; this was an opportunity to force me to talk! Since Master provided me with this wisdom, once I started, I could not stop. I was actually surprised at how I could do it. Finally, my words moved her and I saw tears in her eyes. Seeing her off the train, I sat back and my fellow practitioner told me she had continuously sent righteous thoughts saying, "She is rescuing you! Please, listen to her."

After this first experience I felt it was much easier. I know Master always grants the true wishes from every practitioner's heart and creates opportunities for us. Sometimes the train was quite empty. Then I thought, "Master, it would be wonderful if there were some Chinese people who could come to me!" Just then some Chinese people came! I had not had such a wonderful experience before. A few times when I took a bus from the train station back home, I saw a Chinese lady who appeared to be new to the U.S.A., but I did not get a chance to talk to her. Once, I finally felt that I had enough courage to talk to her, but she did not get off the bus together with me. Looking at the bus I was full of regret, thinking that if this were the last opportunity to meet her, it would be a big regret in my life. I made a vow to myself and to Master, "If there is another chance for me to meet her, I will certainly tell her the truth." A few days later I just jumped on the bus and stepped on someone's toe. I turned to apologize and found that it was her! We started a very pleasant conversation. Since then I have not seen her even once. It is amazing that every opportunity may appear to be quite accidental, but all of them are very precious.

During all of this, the most surprising things were the breakthroughs I experienced, that I could never have imagined. Many times after I talked to people, they asked me respectfully while holding the informational CD I gave them, "Did you put Zhuan Falun on this disk?" Their longing for the Fa brought tears to my eyes. I seemed to have a new understanding of the words, "When a person's Buddha's nature comes out it shakes the Ten-Directional World." (Zhuan Falun 2003, "The First Talk") Also, I admire these living beings who were lost in this chaotic world but who still continually try to find the Fa. How can I not treasure these precious lives? Let's all treasure this predestined relationship that we have been awaiting for tens of thousands of years.

Thank you, Master!

and thank you all.

1. Fa: Law and principles; the teachings of Falun Dafa.