Dealing with Domestic Disputes According to the Fa is Part of Fa-Rectification Cultivation (Part 4)

By Ziyun

(Clearwisdom.net) I feel that family conflicts in this Fa-rectification period are not a simple issue of personal cultivation or a personal issue. Anything that we come across has something to do with validating the Fa and saving sentient beings. And it is closely related to personal cultivation. If one does well, his behavior towards relatives and those around him who don't cultivate can expose the evil lies and have a positive effect in saving sentient beings.

I've noticed that some fellow practitioners, while they can remember to behave like a Dafa practitioner when clarifying the truth outside of the family, allow themselves to be different when they get home, as if they take "days off" from cultivation. They even think that, since fellow practitioners cannot see how they act, it does not matter if they do not behave well at home. There are still some practitioners who hate to lose face and do not want other practitioners to become aware of their poor behavior at home, as they are afraid of damaging their images.

It is not right for a Dafa practitioner to have conflicts with ordinary people, nor is it acceptable for a Dafa practitioner to have conflicts with family members. Didn't Master say that everything that occurs in society today is a result of Dafa practitioners' heart? It is not enough to simply attribute these family conflicts to the actions of the old forces or to just pay lip service by saying it is a personal omission. As a Dafa practitioner, one should dig out the roots of the issue. Long term unresolved family conflicts must be closely related to those roots.

A true enlightened being must be the same both inside and out. His behavior should be always the same whether at home or in public. An enlightened being's benevolence remains unchanged no matter where he is. It is impossible for him to be benevolent in public while not being benevolent at home.

Dafa practitioners should always be a good example no matter where we are, either at home or out in society. We should remember that we are validating the Fa and saving sentient beings all the time.

Similarly, a Dafa practitioner who truly understands the sacred inner meaning of saving sentient beings will treat all beings the same. He won't clarify the truth to someone who does not have conflicts with him but not clarify the truth to someone who has conflicts with him. If he behaves like this, how is he any different from ordinary people who just treat people well when they are treated the same way? This is absolutely not the thought that a Dafa practitioner should have.

It is sometimes very difficult to solve conflicts between husbands and wives and conflicts among family members. However, if we always use the standards of Dafa to guide us and refuse to be influenced by "sentiment" and selfishness, we can do well in solving these conflicts.

One couple started practicing Falun Dafa three years ago. The couple always pointed fingers at each other and this situation lasted for a long time. One day as she was reading the Fa, the wife suddenly realized her problem. Her husband had treated her very affectionately and usually agreed with her before he began to cultivate Dafa. Gradually, however, he stopped treating her as affectionately as he had previously; in addition, he now disagreed with her on many issues. In particular, he sometimes pointed out her weaknesses in front of fellow practitioners. Subconsciously, she developed a feeling of disharmony that caused them to quarrel time and again. The wife stopped quarrelling with her husband after she realized her problem and began to require herself to do well.

Her husband was unexpectedly happy when she told him what she had realized. He then told her his understanding. Before, he always gave in to her because he was very attached to the relationship and did not want anything to affect it. He felt his feelings change after he began his cultivation in Dafa. Although they had a predestined relationship to be a couple in this lifetime, he thought that their purpose in this life was to obtain the Fa. Therefore, they were two separate cultivators. Each of them should be responsible for his or her own cultivation. His wife's doing well in her cultivation did not mean his doing well in his cultivation and vice versa. One could not replace the other. So he could not ignore the standards of Dafa and give in to her. He felt that his wife should have known these principles as she too was cultivating. Consequently, he felt that his wife was creating an unnecessary scene when she quarreled with him again and again, but he did not tell her this at the time.

After a frank discussion, the couple resolved their long term conflict. As a result, they agreed to exclude "sentiment" and treat each other as cultivators. They would absolutely not put up with the each other's weaknesses. Instead, they would tell each other their weaknesses and be diligent together.

Another practitioner couple ended up in divorce court because they often disagreed and neither of them thought that it was their fault. Each one hired a lawyer. It really shouldn't be like this. If both sides could have looked inward and dug out the roots of the issue, their quarrels would not have led to this point.

Why did they complain to the court when both were Dafa practitioners? Why did they go to court? Was it to prove a point, to gain support for hurt "feelings," or to put blame on the other side? In other words, did they go to court because they thought that the principles of the Fa were of no use in controlling the other side? Even though they were both practitioners, instead of using the principles of Dafa to guide them to resolve their problems, they relied on ordinary people's principles. Isn't this an issue of the actual root of a problem? Isn't this shameful for a practitioner?

Let's leave aside the issue of using quarrelling as a reason for a divorce as practitioners. Can those conflicts be resolved even if the couple succeeds in getting a divorce? Can they really let go of their attachments? Will the root of their problems disappear? Will those mountains at the microscopic level disappear as a result of divorce? Dafa practitioners know that no strategy in the human world can dissolve the roots of a problem, let alone move the big mountains at the microscopic level. Only Dafa can resolve all these issues fundamentally. That is, a person can only solve all these problems when he or she looks inside and assimilates to Dafa.

As a practitioner, one should be courageous enough to face one's weaknesses. If each side insists on his or her own point of view and no one wants to be first with a magnanimous attitude, neither is behaving like a practitioner. While this includes the element of the old force's interference, one can only negate it by looking inside. Even those Gods of the old universe look down upon those Dafa practitioners who fight for "fame-profit-sentiment." It is time to truly think about ourselves. We should live up to the title of "Dafa practitioner."

Some conflicts between partners occur because one cultivates while the other does not. The one that cultivates first of all should look inward, find out the problem, and do well according to the standards of Dafa. The critical thing is for your heart not to be swayed by "sentiment."

There was one fellow practitioner whose wife did not cultivate, nor did she support his doing Dafa work. Therefore, most of the time he did not tell his wife when he did Dafa work because he was so afraid that his wife would fight with him if she knew. Furthermore, his wife threatened him with divorce every time she quarreled with him.

This practitioner was very worried. This situation lasted for a year. He tried many things but still could not solve the problem. One day he suddenly thought that this must have something to do with his heart, and it suddenly seemed to turn bright in front of his eyes. Deep in his heart, he was afraid of being divorced by his wife because he thought that she was pretty. He could feel the envious eyes of others whenever he walked with her down the street, and he felt happy about it. If his wife really divorced him, he was afraid that others would look down on him and that he would not find a girl prettier than his present wife.

After all these human mentalities were dug out, this practitioner felt that he had slacked off too much, since he had been preoccupied by these ideas for almost a year. The moment he let go of all these mentalities, he felt extremely light. He sincerely expressed his wish to be a Dafa disciple and told his wife that he would bless her if she insisted on getting a divorce and if she could find a man who would love her more than he did. His wife was shocked because she did not expect him to have become so magnanimous and open-minded.

Since then, his wife has stopped fighting with him and preventing him from doing Dafa work. In addition, his wife felt the greatness of Dafa from his changes and began to learn Dafa with him.

It is very difficult for one to discover his problems in family conflicts when one is trapped in "sentiment." Only if one always measures oneself strictly against the criteria of Dafa can one escape the limits of "sentiment" and place one's heart righteously.

Actually, in the early personal cultivation period, there were many touching examples of Dafa practitioners in Mainland China who dealt well with family conflicts. Although that was a period of personal cultivation, these are very basic ideas for a Dafa practitioner. Besides Dafa's mighty power, another reason that Dafa could be spread by word of mouth and heart in Mainland China had something to do with the fact that Dafa practitioners in China did well in all aspects. In comparison, our Dafa practitioners overseas still have many aspects that need to be improved. We should be alert to them particularly in this special period.

When we face conflicts out in the world, we know we must do well because our actions directly affect society's understandings about Dafa and Dafa practitioners and whether the sentient beings can be saved. When we face conflicts at home, we must do even better since our actions directly affect our family members, relatives, and neighbors' understandings about Dafa and Dafa practitioners and whether or not they can be saved.

Under such cruel circumstances, Dafa practitioners in Mainland China have sacrificed their lives and blood to show the world's people that Dafa is good and that Dafa practitioners are good people. In comparison, Dafa practitioners outside of China should really think clearly whether we are truly cultivating and validating Dafa if we cannot adequately resolve our family conflicts, let alone other issues. No matter how many things we have done, we must never forget our fundamental cultivation.

Whether we face conflicts in society or conflicts at home, we should not make excuses for not dealing with them well. How difficult it has been for the Fa-rectification to obtain the present level of understanding and support of the world's people! How many Dafa practitioners have made sacrifices for this? Also, how much has Master done? Particularly for Dafa practitioners outside China in such generous environments, what excuses could we have for not doing well at home? It is not a small issue if those sentient beings around us who have been waiting to be saved develop negative thoughts toward Dafa because we did not do well. While we certainly do not want to damage our own Fa-rectification cultivation, it is far worse if we damage Dafa.

"Predestined relationships spanning endless lifetimes

Each connected by the thread of Dafa"

All predestined relationships are for the purpose of Dafa. Let's do well, position our hearts righteously, and treasure it. Let's not allow the difference of one thought to bring us regret. The Fa-rectification is progressing quickly to the surface. It won't wait for us because we do not do well and haven't reached the true standards that Dafa requires. The difference of that one thought in Fa-rectification determines whether the beings at the layer in the cosmos that one represents will be saved or eliminated.

Whether we are in society facing the public or at home facing family members, we must do well as Dafa practitioners since we all have benefited from Dafa. To do well is a Dafa practitioner's duty in this Fa-rectification period.
Chinese version available at http://minghui.org/mh/articles/2004/8/16/81632.html

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