(Clearwisdom.net)
I am a retired professor from a large university in California. I have also been, in my life, a teacher of middle school, high school, all the way up through graduate school in various universities, a parish worker in the Lutheran Church, a counselor for five years on two university campuses for the division of college and university work of the National Lutheran Council, a spiritualist minister, a Jin Shin Jyutsu practitioner, and known to some as a healer (I have never called myself that). Several people have been asking me to share my story and background with the hope that it may be of value to someone who may be encouraged by it and my struggle to overcome my many weaknesses.
At the end of October of this year, I shall have my 77th birthday. Why is that significant? Because, more importantly, I am 2 years old as a Dafa practitioner. The relationship actually began on Christmas Eve of 2002. I did not realize it at the time. My goddaughter had given me the book "Zhuan Falun" many months earlier asking me to please read it through once. I confessed to her on that Christmas Eve that I had browsed through the book, not actually reading it all, but was turned off by the word "Master." I did not follow any master. I had observed many people of various religions, and read about too many so called masters and was turned off by the word. I thought, "Not another one!" My goddaughter, who is Chinese, explained that the translation was actually closer to "teacher-father" in Chinese. That helped and, as a westerner, I was able to be more open-minded.
To continue, she had decided, before she came over to give me my Christmas present that she would not talk about Falun Dafa as I seemed not to be responding. We both learned something that evening.
1) She wanted the Fa for me so much. Even if you are enthusiastic, it can have the opposite effect from what is desired.
2) What one thinks about something may not actually be what it is.
In short, she decided she had been wanting this very much for me and probably needed to let me alone to make a decision. I learned that I needed to be more open-minded and find out about something before I decide to reject it. We ended the visit by reading Lunyu together. She also invited me to join the group that was doing the exercises at 6:00 A.M. every weekday morning and the larger groups on the weekends. It was agreed that I would begin the group exercises on January 1 after we did our group reading of Zhuan Falun, beginning with Lecture One.
The next day, Christmas, was when things began to happen to me that I did not expect.
My friend, who had been the head of one of the local Indian tribes for 20 years, always invites me to join her and her family for holiday dinners. I was at her home on the reservation for about 2 hours. During that time I had to keep running to the bathroom as though I could not hold my water: 8 times in 2 hours. I called my goddaughter the next day to ask if she thought I had been accepted by Master as a disciple. She said that she did not know but my experience seemed to indicate that something was happening.
A week later, I thought that I had the flu. I could not leave the house, never mind get very far from the bathroom. And this was definitely more than watering! It seemed strange because I had no fever, no aches and pains as with the flu, just terrible diarrhea. That lasted about four days. I was exhausted.
Two weeks later, I had a call on my cell phone from my husband who said that he was at our house with police as our house had been broken into and I should come and see if anything of mine was missing. I thought of it as a Xinxing test to release my attachments. When I was able to get home and examine the house and contents, nothing of my things were missing. Only his were.
I had read about the man who was tested regarding lust. I thought, "I won't have to worry about that at my age. Right?" I had two dreams on this issue. One I passed and the other I had not. In that dream where I failed, an old boyfriend with whom I had been very much in love at one time, appeared. Another surprise about what I needed to learn.
I had been a practitioner for about 1 and ½ months when I was informed that there was to be an experience sharing conference in Los Angeles. I was told it would probably be in March, so I thought that was great, I could make it. A couple of days later I learned that it would be in February (the Lantern Festival, 2003). I was dismayed because I had already had a commitment to attend another conference in Arizona with a colleague of mine that weekend. I also thought, "Maybe I could go to L. A. and see Master." Immediately I thought that idea was an attachment, so I decided to stay with my commitment to my friend. I called the next day to make arrangements for our trip to Arizona. She had confused the dates and now she said that she could not go. I told her it was perfectly all right because I had something else I could do. I then told my goddaughter that I would be able to attend the experience sharing conference after all. It occurred to me that something was happening because of the turn of events for me. And Master was there at the conference, even though I had been told that they never knew when he would show up. What a blessing.
One day I had hit my toe against the leg of a chair and it really hurt. I was in a hurry to leave. Deciding I really needed to be more careful, I got my shoe on that foot and left for an Indian women's retreat. While there, our Indian woman doctor was giving us free consultations, etc. I could not get my shoe back on the foot that I had hurt. The doctor told me I had broken my toe. From then on it was painful. I refused medication because I thought, "I am a Dafa practitioner and Master is giving me an opportunity to release my karma" So I left the retreat and went home to nurse my poor foot. All night it throbbed with pain. However, when I got out of bed in the morning and stood on my foot, there was no pain, nor did my toe seem broken. Talk about a miracle!
I must tell you that in 2000, I had suffered a crushed vertebra and was using a walker to assist me when needed, or a cane, when we decided to attend the Vancouver Falun Dafa experience sharing conference. I asked for a wheelchair, as usual, at the airport to take me to the plane and all. At home I had to sit in a chair to do the exercises. And the wheelchair was helpful when I would have to stand in lines and the like.
When we were in Vancouver, I was placed with the westerners for the exercises in the park. I had to sit on the ground and try not to make sounds of pain during the demonstration. Two hours was a very long time. Then I thought I would go to one of the outdoor bathrooms that the practitioners in Vancouver had so thoughtfully provided. That did not happen. I was caught up in the process of the groups lining up for the parade. I had no idea where my people were, and ended up walking the full length of the parade without knowing where I was going or being able to use the bathroom. At my age this is quite a challenge. I walked carrying my backpack to the end where I spotted a hotel and dashed in, just in time to use the facility. I was amazed.
On returning to the airport for the trip home, a lady came with the requested wheelchair for me, but she put my luggage in the chair and I had to walk beside them instead of riding. My group laughed and told me later that, evidently, I did not need one anymore, or a cane either. I was not of the same frame of mind but I found that when I went to practice the next day, at home, I did not need to sit on the chair.
By this time, I decided to really dedicate myself wholeheartedly to one thing, Falun Dafa. I cancelled all my remaining doctor appointments. I stopped taking any vitamins and herbs. No one told me to do this. I had read in Zhuan Falun not to mix practices because one would interfere with the other. This was really difficult for me as I am really sensitive to pain and a firm believer in natural healing with herbs, etc. When I practice by myself, or just with my group, I have hollered from the severity of the pain.
My husband and I have not been living in the same house for the last 10 years. Our personalities are so different and I was beginning to suffer from the differences.. I moved to my little house. This year I decided that he is my greatest challenge and opportunity to practice Truthfulness, Compassion, and definitely Endurance. To make a long story short, we decided to travel together by car to our son's wedding several states away. We were gone three weeks. (Practice, practice) in a car with ourselves, visited friends and family, participated in the wedding, and generally had an enjoyable time together. I asked him to listen while I shared the story of my spiritual trip in life. I began with my childhood and brought him up to finding Zhen-Shan-Ren, the universal law and how it applies. He really listened. I was driving at the time and it took a few hundred miles to get through it all.
Since our return home, we have spent much more time together doing things. I do not react as I used to to what seemed like his discounting of me, etc. And all the things I had held against him. He now frequently expressed love for me, verbally and in other small ways, for which I am grateful. We do not seem in any way occupied with lust! My husband and I had our 30th wedding anniversary last June.
Lest someone think it was easy for me to just drop my belief system, developed over many years, I will say, it took me some time and thought. It was not really a matter of dropping my belief but of understanding that the Fa is the Fa, the law of Truth, Compassion, and Endurance.
For me Jesus had tried to teach us as well, I understood the admonitions of "Turn the other cheek," which for me meant one does not strike back if one is struck. "Do good to those who spitefully use you," "Bear not false witness against thy neighbor," means one must tell the truth. "Forgive one another," is to be compassionate and forgiving, understanding that all have shortcomings, etc. "If a man asks for your coat, give him your cloak, also," be kind and generous thinking of others first. "Judge not that ye be not judged" implores one to be tolerant. In the Bible is an example of endurance with the story of Job, who endured everything without complaint.
I share these thoughts for those of the Christian faith who are afraid to open their minds to the universal and encourage them to not limit themselves to just what has been taught to them by others, who have also been taught limitations and fear. I have had many people say to me, "I like to do the exercises but I am a Christian" as though something dire would happen to them if they incorporated the Fa in their lives as something foreign. From all I have observed as a practicing Christian, church worker, being a minister myself, we have loved the messenger and lost the true understanding of the message, thereby dishonoring him.
As a practitioner, I have begun to understand what was really meant by "sin" I had rebelled against the idea of my father and mother having been born in sin and then conceived me in sin. Now I understand it as the karma that we have accumulated and must repay. The concept of sin has been misunderstood and created the attachment of fear with which I had to struggle.
When I first began to learn about the terrible tortures and persecution of the practitioners of Falun Gong in China, my heart ached for them. Is there no end to this evil? I thought of all the horrendous things that have been perpetrated on the Jews, of the terrible persecutions and tortures of the early Christians. I understand that the horrors of the persecution in China have no equal in history.
Now one has come to give us an unprecedented opportunity to get it right, and return to out true selves. I am so grateful to Master for his compassionate offering to us sentient beings.
Total trust was another issue. One day I discovered that my legs had broken out in a rash. And my ankles were swollen. Resisting taking herbs, etc. I ignored this. I was invited to Africa to attend a conference with all expenses taken care of. It was a wonderful experience, so many new people and opportunities to share. I had taken some smaller books and several flyers about Falun Dafa. The conference was on HIV/AIDS and the meeting to which I was invited was with healers from various parts of the world and mostly from Africa. We had a "healers walk" and we all walked in our native dress to support traditional healers and physicians working together for the benefit of those suffering from HIV/AIDS, etc. My picture appeared on the front page of the daily paper with a lady from South Africa. This is background to the real reason I believe I was there. Having seen my picture in the paper, a young man in his early 20s came and asked to talk with me. We visited for 2 hours and I realized he was really searching. I shared about Falun Dafa with him, gave him my books and flyers. He said that he would be one in Africa to share the message and material of Falun Dafa. We have been in constant E-mail correspondence, and he seems to have changed so much. He wrote that the Chinese have stepped up their pressure on his country, but that he is not afraid, and is trying to share all he can. He has felt very much alone. I told him he is really not alone, but with the family
of practitioners.
I still had my rashes and swollen ankles and on my lower legs upon my return home. One Sunday, I just sat and read three lectures after our Sunday morning group exercises. Later I noticed my ankles and legs had returned to normal.
In July of last year, I returned from Thailand where I had been invited to attend a global conference on HIV/AIDS and been given a scholarship. Again, I later learned my real reason for being there. I was invited by a friend of mine there to teach Falun Gong exercises to the staff at the hospital where she worked. I quickly made a call to my goddaughter and asked for help in getting in touch with practitioners in Bangkok. That night when I returned from the conference to my hotel, I had a message to call the number left by a practitioner. As a result, we had 2 practitioners and myself to teach almost 40 staff about Falun Fong. The Thai practitioners were able to do translation so the presentation could go really smoothly. One woman said that her back had really been hurting before we did the class and now it was not hurting. Another staff member will retire in two months and said she is happy to be able to devote all her time then to practice and study. The head of the seniors department wants to have all her people lean Falun Gong. I was informed that the Chinese government is putting pressure on Thailand as well as other countries not to have anything to do with Falun Gong. And this is done by offering money and intimidation. Initially, I was told that the hospital personnel had said they were told not to be involved in Falun Gong. The person who invited me said they would be learning exercises for body and mind connection and improvement. While we were respectful of her situation, the practitioners were able to share flyers with everyone. After the class we shared in refreshments and discussion.
I, again, gave my book away to a friend who is a professor at one of the universities in Bangkok. She was so impressed after reading the "Lunyu" that she wants to continue. Just think of all the students she will be able to help learn about the Fa. She is much admired and highly thought of by her peers.
I still am not able to do the double lotus or stand for a long time without some discomfort. However, every day is an opportunity to experience challenges and grow. I encourage everyone not to feel disheartened over one perceived inability or another. I realize that we can only do the best we can. I am coming to the understanding that I must explore myself continually (look inward) but that I have sometimes been guilty of putting myself down as a poor practitioner. I also understand now how many attachments I have had and still releasing. It does not matter how much education one has by the outer world, or how many awards one may receive. We are all sentient beings in need of the Fa.
Extended family is very important to American Indians. I now have over 100 million brothers and sisters. Thank you all so very much.
All that I have said is only my understanding. Please correct any misunderstanding of mine.
