A Fellow Practitioner Helped Me Find My Shortcomings and Move Beyond My Erroneous State

By a Falun Dafa practitioner from Shandong Province

(Clearwisdom.net) I will first talk about my situation and my wrong understandings, and then talk about how I improved by communicating with a fellow practitioner.

I am a merchant, and a Falun Dafa practitioner. Because my business was failing, I was in major debt. First I thought I would work hard to pay back the debt, but after the Chinese New Year, some strange phenomena occurred. The business was not going well at all. I had to keep delaying payment to my workers, and I could not pay the processing fee. Even our family budget started to get tight, which made paying back the debt seem even more impossible. I was thinking: "I am a Dafa disciple. It should not be like this if I do everything well and have righteous thoughts." So I looked inward, but could not find anything wrong. The business was going worse and worse, the profit was getting less, and the debt was growing very quickly. As for the three things Master asked us to do, I could not get a handle on any of them. I felt restless all day, and could not calm myself down to study the Fa. The people I owed money to constantly put pressure on me. I was going to borrow money from someone else to ease the situation a little, but ended up not being able to borrow money from anyone. One customer came to talk about a deal, ordered some goods and agreed to pick them up two days later. At the same time, the landlord came in to ask for the rent, and also gave me two days. However two days later, the customer declined the goods, so I didn't have the money for the landlord and he became very angry. From the new year on, I tried hard to do the three things well every day, but I was so burdened by the huge debt that I felt like it was hard to breathe. If not for my strong belief in Dafa, I would probably have killed myself. Just yesterday, I finally discussed this with a fellow practitioner, and he helped me discover my attachment. (I am thankful for Master's arrangement and that fellow practitioner's care. I felt the presence of Master's law body guiding me back to my true home.)

On June 11, 2006, a fellow practitioner came to my factory and said: "I have been feeling the need to come to see you these days. It seems like you are not progressing very diligently, and I would like to discuss this with you." I told him about my situation in detail. After listening to me, he talked about several things he had encountered. I suddenly felt full of anticipation and my heart was saying: "Say it quickly! Help me out--where am I going wrong? Help me find my attachment, because I am dying to find them."

It was the first time I felt my heart speaking, but I made no expression, nor did I say anything verbally. Then he started talking and talked for a long time, and every sentence he said shook my heart. He mentioned: "I do not know what's going on today, but my mind is extremely clear. Usually when I talk, I always first think of whether others are able to accept it or not, but today I just want to talk. Whether you want to hear it or not, whether you accept it or not, I'll say it all." After he expressed his thoughts, he summarized: "What you are doing now is all going against the nature of the universe, it is all twisted. You have pursuit when you do everything. How can you do well that way? You are not following the path Master arranged for you, but instead you are walking on the path arranged by the old forces."

I was shocked: "That's impossible." He asked me what was on my mind every day. I said: "I think about how to improve my business so I can pay back the debt. I do not like to live like this, pressured by the landlord all the time. Even when I send righteous thoughts, I also add this thought in." He then gave me more examples. At that point, my mind opened up, and I saw what I had been doing incorrectly: How horrible my attachments are! They are so deep, and they have been hidden for so long. I was attached to money, gain, comfort and reputation. I was seeking for everything to be good. How terrible all these attachments are! They are all hidden deep in my heart. From the outside, everything is right, and I am trying to do everything well, but I could not distinguish my human side from my divine side, and I was lost in the human world, unable to transcend it.

By looking at everything from the divine side, I thoroughly understood. All the problems were due to lack of Fa-study, my tendency to go to extremes, and not searching inward. Even though sometimes I appeared to be looking within, I was only searching for superficial reasons, without digging very deeply. Whenever I encountered something I would attempt to place blame, trying to figure out the cause and who was right or wrong. Master said that cultivators should not strike back when beaten and not swear back when sworn at. But even with a trivial conflict, I could not just laugh it off and let it go. With these attachments, how could I do things well and walk my path righteously?

I must give up all wrong thoughts of an everyday person. I must completely give them up. From now on, whatever I encounter, I know they are all things to improve my xinxing. I will always do things with my divine side, and I will never walk a human path with a human mentality again.

I want to say to my fellow practitioners, Master has said:

"However high your character is, that's how high your gong is." (Zhuan Falun, 2003 translation version)

What I learned is that everything about cultivation is centered on cultivating the mind. For one who has righteous thoughts, everything is righteous. All the bad things that appear in cultivation are due to one's own attachments. As long as one keeps truly searching inward, eventually all confusion will be resolved. What we cultivate is our inner selves (our thoughts), not superficial things on the surface. Fellow practitioners, I hope you do not walk this detoured path I have just gone through. I have wasted so much time, and eventually it was Master who led me out of it. Fellow practitioners, please remember to study the Fa often, please remember it. The Fa can break through all the confusion, and help show you the right direction to go.

Every sentence above is from my heart; there is not a bit that is made up. Today I finally opened up and shared my experience with you all. I hope we will improve diligently together. I wish every fellow practitioner that reads this could give me some comments and point out my mistakes, and help me to dig out deeper attachments. I am a Dafa practitioner who is not progressing very diligently, and need help from other practitioners. There is a lot that I want to express, but because I'm not such a good writer, I cannot express it thoroughly. I hope fellow practitioners will kindly point out my shortcomings.

Chinese version available at http://www.minghui.org/mh/articles/2006/10/31/141183.html

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