Finding My Fundamental Attachment

By a practitioner in China

(Clearwisdom.net) When my heart was calm, I thought to myself, "What was the reason for me to step into the door of cultivation that has continued to this day?" When the thoughts that I had when I first started cultivating appeared in my mind, I found my fundamental attachment.

Eight years ago, I started practicing Falun Dafa out of curiosity. Before, my husband and I always argued over the smallest things. Often, we ended with emotional wounds to both sides and maintained a "cold war" state for several days after. I felt helpless. After I read Zhuan Falun, I realized that one could change their life through cultivation. I entered the world of cultivation back then hoping to change my destiny, to eliminate my family problems, for the sake of my family, and to save my marriage. During this period of self-cultivation, all I wanted was to be free from reincarnation and the pain that I had suffered as an ordinary person. I did not want to be an ordinary person anymore. I realized this has been my fundamental attachment up to this day.

As the Fa rectification proceeds, I gradually understand more clearly that I am not here to live an ordinary person's life. I came here with the responsibility of saving sentient beings, and this human world is simply an environment for us to eliminate karma and upgrade ourselves. However, when I did not completely let go of my fundamental attachment, I will suffer from its interference. For example, my husband and I are both working, and our schedules are very tight. When I do more chores, I would hope to receive my husband's approval and expect him to do the same. Because of my attachment, my husband's reaction would be carelessness instead. At this moment, I would feel indignant and a thought would come to mind: "I do more work, and it still doesn't make a difference to him." Nevertheless, this fundamental attachment became the loophole through which the old forces took advantage of me. I started to feel that there was not enough time to finish everything. My husband ignored the chores, causing me to feel a lot of stress. I would constantly worry about time being wasted; I even did not want any practitioners to come over to my house. If practitioners did come, I would hope that they would think over what they needed to say ahead of time and leave immediately after.

Especially when I did the three things, deep in my heart, I was afraid of my husband's attitude, such as yelling at me for coming home late, being unhappy because I would go and study the Fa while he watched television or let him eat alone while I send forth righteous thoughts, and so forth. All these signs show a lack of righteous thoughts, which originated from my fundamental attachment.

Recently, a practitioner in my area was arrested. The family members of the practitioner reported me to the Politics and Law Committee because they did not know the truth about the persecution. After my husband found out, he was very worried. He would not let me take truth clarification materials home, nor did he want any practitioners to come over to my house. His reaction once again provoked my fundamental attachment, and my human heart emerged: I did not want my husband to suffer more from anxiety.

Now, I clearly understand that this attachment, which emerged from qing, is interfering with my cultivation: hoping my husband is well, hoping my husband treats me well, hoping he'd do this or that. The more I hope for something, the more uncomfortable I become with my husband's reaction. It really is the time for me to let go of this fundamental attachment once and for all.

After I calmed my heart and adjusted my feelings, I decided to write it down and expose my fundamental attachment, so that all the factors in other dimensions will be disintegrated, and I will not be under its interference any longer.

If there are any improper understandings in this article, I ask fellow practitioners to kindly point them out.

Chinese version available at http://minghui.ca/mh/articles/2006/2/15/120744.html

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