Shared at 2006 US West Falun Dafa Conference

(Clearwisdom.net) Respectful Teacher, fellow practitioners. Today I would like to share with you my recent cultivation experience. If you find any shortcomings, please correct them for me with compassion.

I have always believed that every day I spent the entire 24-hours with a dense and tight schedule. An article written by a practitioner from Mainland China was published on the Minghui website (Chinese version of Clearwisdom.net) on January 17. In the article, she mentioned her daily schedule, which made me aware of the gap between diligent practitioners and me. Her schedule is: from 4:00 a.m. to 7:00 a.m., five sets of exercises, including sending forth righteous thoughts at the top of each hour and reciting Hong Yin, Hong Yin II, and Lunyu. She washes her face and prepares breakfast after sending forth righteous thoughts at 7:00 a.m. During breakfast she recites the Fa. Afterwards, she settles down and studies the Fa from 7:30 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. First she reads Teacher's new articles, then three lectures of Zhuan Falun. In the afternoon she prints and prepares truth-clarification materials. She goes out to clarify the truth in the evening, then she comes back home to read Minghui Weekly.

In "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be," Teacher says,

"And yet a small number of students - veteran students, even - have to differing degrees exhibited a despondent state and slackened in their resolve to be diligent."

In the past year I have indulged in such a despondent state several times. Many other practitioners also felt indulged in the state of despondence and couldn't help it. In fact, Teacher pointed out,

"Only those Dafa disciples who fall behind in Fa-study will display a lack of diligence and feel dejected during this period of time, even to the extent that they don't know how precious this time is and don't seize the time to do what Dafa disciples should do." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Atlanta Fa Conference")

It is obvious that the only way to change the state of being despondent is to make best use of time to study Fa. In "Teaching the Fa at the 2005 Canada Fa Conference," Teacher said,

"So while we completely resist this persecution, to follow your Master's requirements, my requirements, and maintain the unique cultivation state that you have, and to do well everything you are responsible for as a Dafa disciple--that is what it means to be diligent."

In Explaining the Content of Falun Dafa, Teacher said,

"I hope that Dafa disciples can take the Fa as their teacher, deter interference, and cultivate solidly--this is how a person makes diligent progress."

In Falun Buddha Fa -- Lecture at the Conference in New Zealand (1999), Teacher says,

"Constantly improve yourself and constantly read the book. This is the way to progress in cultivation."

In the lectures around the world during the past ten years, Teacher has been encouraging us to study Fa and to study Fa well, while to my shamefulness, I didn't attach importance to it. I feel unworthy of Teacher's benevolence and salvation.

What we practice is Falun Gong. In Lecture one of Zhuan Falun, Teacher mentions,

"Falun is a miniature of the universe that possesses all of the universe's capabilities, and it can operate and rotate automatically."

"Because Falun rotates constantly, it cannot be stopped."

In Lecture three of Zhuan Falun, Teacher mentions the energy field of righteous cultivation by saying, "It can rectify this abnormal state." I felt that being despondent is a state of abnormality, and it shouldn't be manifested in Dafa disciples. If we can study Fa steadily and assimilate to Dafa, the mechanism of Falun's rotating constantly can rectify such an abnormal cultivation state of being despondent. For myself, the state of being despondent is manifested in the following aspects:

I fortunately obtained Dafa in 1999 and was attracted by its profound and boundless meanings. I made great efforts to study the Fa and practiced the exercises seriously. I started my journey of cultivation from being a good person to being a practitioner by following what our Teacher teaches us. At the initial stage of learning the tranquil cultivation exercise, I couldn't sit with both legs crossed. To prolong the time of sitting, I sat with both legs crossed while studying Fa or watching a video of Fa lectures. I maintained a noble posture, as if the Teacher was teaching the Fa in front of me, and I listened to the Teacher respectfully. However, I have slacked off during the last two years. What I persisted in was only the form of Fa study. The fact that I no longer sat with both legs crossed while studying the Fa indicates that my heart of respectfulness to the Fa has been lessening. I was busy with many Dafa activities and couldn't calm down to read the Fa. Since my heart of studying the Fa gradually loosened, how could the meaning of Fa appear to me?

Recently I encountered a "bottle neck" while studying the Fa. After looking inside, I found that the reason that I couldn't study the Fa in a tranquil state is that the long duration of cultivation made me attached to the form of studying the Fa. The attachment of pursuing the meaning is mixed with Fa study. I self-contently believed that I had been very familiar with the book because I could easily locate specific passages in the book. In fact, it is because I treated Dafa from an ordinary people's point of view. Now I remind myself to "go back to zero" while I study the Fa. That is, to regard it as if I was reading the book for the first time. After doing this, I felt that there were really bright flowers and another village ahead. My heart felt much more assured.

At the initial stage of learning to sit in meditation with both legs crossed, I suffered a lot. In the first several months, I could only persist thirty to forty minutes. I then committed my mind to cultivate the tranquil exercise by binding my legs with belts, thus forcing myself to persist for one hour. For the first three days, the pain was unbearable, and then gradually I no longer had much pain. I removed the belts one year after I obtained the Fa. On one lunar New Year, I tried to sit for one hour and a half. Near the end I could hardly bear the pain. While in extreme pain, I opened my eyes and saw the bright moon and numerous stars in the sky. I thought, "If I couldn't even bear such little pain, how can I go on with my cultivation?" By reciting the sentence, "When it's difficult to endure, you can endure it. When it's impossible to do, you can do it." (Zhuan Falun) I endured. During the preceding years, I persisted in practicing the five sets of exercises every day. However, I didn't make progress, but rather, I went backward and slacked off during the past couple of years.

I often gave myself an excuse for not going to the practice site. The excuse was that I was busy clarifying the truth until late the night before. Gradually, not going to the practice site in the early morning became my common state. In fact, I used Dafa to cover my attachment of seeking coziness. I was busy every day, but my spiritual state couldn't compare with before because I neglected practicing. Clarifying the truth without having practiced is just like what is said about Bigu (fasting) in Zhuan Falun,

"That would really make things much easier, as people would only work without having to eat. How could that be allowed?"

Once in a group Fa study, a fellow practitioner mentioned an old man over eighty years old who still persisted in practicing at the practice site every day even when he was busy after the death of his son. I was ashamed of myself after hearing this and felt my obvious shortcomings. That older fellow practitioner not only showed his firm belief in Teacher, but also showed his will to be strict with himself and responsible to his cultivation. In order to catch up as soon as possible, I've resumed practicing at the practice site every day. As a result, my state improved a lot.

In the past years I would rarely miss the four set times of sending forth righteous thoughts, however beginning last year I occasionally missed practicing in early morning because of my desire to sleep, so I missed the time for sending forth righteous thoughts together with fellow practitioners all over the world. What's even worse, this state persisted day after day. Just like Teacher said about the demon of lust in Zhuan Falun:

"As long as you regard yourself as a practitioner, you will remember it right away and be able to restrain yourself, and you will then be able to pass this test. If you fail the test the first time, it will be difficult to pass it the second time."

The result of not attaching importance to sending forth righteous thoughts meant that I was absent again and again at the critical moments when Dafa disciples all over the world were using this magic weapon to eliminate the evil.

Additionally, I spent a long time on the computer dealing with Dafa work and clarifying the truth. As soon as the time of sending forth righteous thoughts came, especially five minutes before the time, I couldn't give up my work at hand. In "Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005 (Q&A portion)," the Teacher says,

"The state of things since July 20, 1999, has been completely different from that of before July 20, 1999. That is why doing the three things well is cultivation, while doing only one of the three isn't--that's how it is, and you won't be able to improve that way. So Dafa disciples must do them well."

My current feeling is that the environment is very important. Don't study Fa or send forth righteous thoughts in front of the computer, the telephone or the cell phone, as you may be distracted from your mind-intent focus.

In the past I actively participated in various group Fa study sessions and enjoyed earnestly discussing with fellow practitioners. Gradually I didn't want to participate in the group Fa study day after day. Going to group Fa study comes from only one pure wish - "I want to go," however, there are hundreds of excuses for not going, such as heavy rain, long distance, no time, no gain, few people, too dull, too many reports, or too little sharing. I always tried to find an excuse to cover my strong attachment of not going to the group Fa study. In digging down further, I found that this attachment came from several issues: reluctance to hear suggestions and criticism, reluctance to earnestly face my own shortcomings, being disappointed at some practitioners who don't come out, feeling helpless in pushing forward detailed projects, etc. Thus, I didn't cherish the cultivation environment and locked myself in an "ivory tower."

The lack of discussion with fellow practitioners for a long time as well as the heavy burden of many Dafa tasks gradually enlarged the gulf between other fellow practitioners and me. Jealously and suspicion replaced trust. Complaints and blame took the place of encouragement and concern. I could only see the shortcomings of others. I was arrogant and reluctant to give in. After falling into such a bad state and being accustomed to it, the work of cooperating and coordinating was no longer smooth. Nobody corrected me - even when I understood the Fa wrongly and did wrong deeds. I was gradually falling further and further away from the others levels. I didn't even notice that my xinxing was degrading constantly. Fortunately I turned back in time and I was not lagging behind for too long.

Long-term despondency will make people become foggy headed, so how does one become diligent again and come back to the correct cultivation state?

Just as tranquil cultivation exercise requires one to enter into tranquility, not merely sit with both legs crossed, Dafa work is xinxing cultivation, not simply doing things. There are many projects of validating Dafa. Every practitioner has many things to do. The process of doing the tasks actually is the process of testing the xinxing of practitioners. Can you look inside your heart in a disagreement? Can you give up your personal opinion and listen to fellow practitioners? Did you cultivate your benevolence and take salvation of sentient beings as your primary thought? During the past six years, it seemed that I did a lot of things to clarify the truth. But while thinking carefully, I found that my xinxing upgrade was limited. I did much, but cultivated little, which is far away from what Dafa requires of us. Teacher said,

"When a cultivator's mind departs from the Fa, the evil will find its way in." ("Fa-Lecture at the Conference in Florida, U.S.A.")

Teacher pointed out in "Towards Consummation,"

"The only way to prevent the old, evil forces from taking advantage of the gaps in your mind is to make good use of your time to study the Fa." ("Towards Consummation" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)

Slacking off from time to time is the seedbed of despondence. Whenever I read "Constantly cultivate xinxing" in the poem "Genuine Cultivation," (Hong Yin) the first word that went into my eyes was "constantly." In Zhuan Falun, I saw the word "constantly" in the sentence, "To tell you the truth, the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments." I noticed the word "truly" in the sentence, "...truly regard yourself as a practitioner." I felt that "constantly" and "truly" are the most fundamental requirements for diligence, which reminds me of the importance of perseverance and persistence in cultivation.

We say "fellow practitioners," and just as its name implies, it means practicing together. Many practitioners were interfered with by illness karma or were indulged in despondence. One of the reasons is that the fellow practitioners around them didn't offer help in time. As to the fellow practitioners' illness karma interference, I could speak with fervor and assurance from Fa-principles, however, my tone and compassion was not enough, so no benevolence of considering others could be manifested, only indifference, like watching the fire on the other side of the river. In fact, when an individual is in the state of being astray and helpless, the concern and encouragement or righteous thoughts support from surrounding practitioners can help him out of that state, and thus help him eliminate the difficulties more quickly. Dafa disciples are one body and every disciple is like a particle, so if an individual particle is not pure and has a loophole, the overall strength will be weakened. The whole body can be indestructible only if the particles support and complement each other.

Let's mutually encourage each other with a paragraph of Fa in "Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005,"

"The fact is, you are cultivators, and you can't afford to cease being diligent no matter what kind of circumstances you encounter. The more relaxed or comfortable things get, in fact, the more serious is the test you face. Regardless of how the situation may change, the terms of cultivation and the cultivation state required of you will never change, and for this reason you cannot let up."

Thank you, Teacher. Thank you, everyone.