By practitioner Xinjing from Shijiazhuang, Hebei Province

(Clearwidsom.net) I used to have a very admirable and happy family. My husband was understanding and had a mellow temperament. He helped me with housework and was very caring. My son and daughter were charming and lovely. It is, however, never known when something unexpected may happen.

On a day in May 2000, my husband died in a car accident. Facing the passing of my husband, the only thing on my mind was that I have to be strong for my children. I made it through many miserable days and nights as my children grew older. Who would imagine that an even more traumatic event could strike me? In October 2004, my ten-year old daughter also died in a car accident. I collapsed mentally. I kept asking myself: Did I do something wrong? Why did I come to this world? Have I come here just to suffer? Why do I remain in this world? Can it be that I remain in this world just to eat three meals a day to support this physical body? Why?

I started to search on the web for "Faith of life," "What do humans live for?" "How do we face life and death?" "Where do we come from, and where do we go after death?" and many other topics. I searched and read everything, and eventually found Buddhist websites. I learned about life cycles and how cultivation can set one free from this cycle. As I was reading the story of Sakyamuni, I thought that his disciples were so fortunate. Buddhism speaks of fate. I wanted to cultivate. I wanted to retire from the ordinary world. Where was my fate and teacher? It is said that Buddhas are everywhere, therefore I started to genuflect (touch one knee to the ground) every night for two hours, praying to Buddhas and higher spirits to point me in the right direction. I genuflected for seven days, and one night a man's voice told me "Li Hongzhi is the highest being." I asked back "What did you say, say it again." The voice repeated the words again. I then woke up, but the voice still echoed in my ears.

I told this incident to a web pal from Shijiazhuang with whom I often chatted. She said that I am a good person. (I later found out that she is a Falun Gong practitioner) She invited me to her home. Through our conversation, I felt that she was a very good person, not like what we have been told about Falun Gong practitioners by the press. However, I was deeply poisoned by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I could not turn my mind around just yet. I betrayed Master's compassionate hint, and I continued searching the cloisters. One night, I dreamed about a grey haired old man who was a fortuneteller, and he said, "Let me take a look at your fortune." I said, "There is no need to do that, I know my life." He said, "Do you know Y (Y is the practitioner I often chat with)?" I said, "Where do you know her from?" He said, "How can I not know her, I have known her for a long time." I said, "It's dark now, I want to go home." He said, "Don't worry, I hold the light for you." After I woke up, I thought that this was strange. I called Y and told her about the dream, and she explained the dream to me. She said, "Don't be bigoted! Wake up! He is the Master you are looking for."

On May 3, 2005, my fellow practitioner brought me Master's Zhuan Falun, Essentials for Further Advancement and some other articles. When I read,

"'When one's Buddha-nature emerges, it will shake "the world of ten directions."' Whoever sees it will come to give a hand and help this person out unconditionally."

"A lot of people want to practice cultivation toward high levels. This is now provided right before you, and you may still be unaware of it. You have been everywhere looking for a teacher and spent a fortune, yet you have found nothing. Today, it is offered to you at your doorstep, and maybe you have not realized it! This is an issue of whether you can become enlightened to it and whether you can be saved."

"If I cannot save you, nobody else can. As a matter of fact, finding a true master from an orthodox Fa to teach you is harder than climbing to heaven. There is nobody at all who cares." (Zhuan Falun)

Teacher's words deeply touched my heart. I was not able to enlighten even with Teacher's compassionate help, salvation and pointers. I was such a fool. I felt that I had betrayed Master. I read and read because I wanted to finish reading everything as quickly as possible. I was not sleepy, and suddenly felt much brighter in my heart. The knots in my heart started to untie one after another. I learned where we come from. The true meaning of life is cultivation and returning to the original self. I learned that humans suffer and are tortured because of their karma. This karma formed because of the bad things humans had done throughout their many lives. I stopped quarreling with heaven. There was a kind of indescribable excitement in me. I obtained a priceless treasure because of the unfortunate events in my life, and this is a true fortune.

Teacher said in "Teaching the Fa in the Beijing International Experience Sharing Conference,"

"However, I told you that it is very difficult for you to attain this Fa; perhaps, all the sufferings in the first half of your life were for the sake of your attaining the Fa -- this is something you know. There are also things that you do not know -- to attain the Fa you may have been suffering and bearing hardships for several lifetimes or even since a longer time ago." (Provisional translation subject to further improvement)

Every sentence from Teacher's lecture touched my heart. It was difficult for me to obtain the Fa. I lost two beloved family members. The loss of these two lives woke me up from the confusion in the human world. I then received the Fa of the universe, and started to walk on the road of returning to my original true self. Therefore, I treasure this chance very much.

After I received the Fa, Teacher has often given me hints and encouraged me in my dreams. Sometimes I see words and sometimes I see Teacher smiling at me. I will not list every one of those incidences here.

I feel extremely fortunate that I can spend time in this human world with Teacher. I no longer envy Sakyamuni's disciples. I felt ashamed and remorseful because I did not enlighten to the previous hints from our compassionate Teacher. From now on, I will be a true cultivator. I will always cultivate my heart based on the characteristics of the universe, "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance." I will study the Fa, practice the movements diligently, and firmly believe in Teacher and the Fa. I will eliminate the evil with my righteous thoughts and save sentient beings. I will clarify the truth to people about the persecution of Falun Gong. I will try hard to do the three things. Teacher please be assured, I will not betray your compassionate salvation.

I want to thank our great compassionate Teacher. I thank you for giving me a lot of caring.

Posting date: 4/13/2006
Original article date: 4/13/2006
Category: Personal Cultivation
Translated on 3/31/2006
Chinese version available at http://minghui.org/mh/articles/2006/3/14/122748.html

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