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Finding My Shortcomings While Reciting the Fa By Lan Tian
(Clearwisdom.net) Not too long ago my husband, who is also a
practitioner, agreed with me that we should encourage each other to recite the
Fa every day. We started from Lunyu on that first day with each of us
taking turns reciting one sentence. Though I could remember Lunyu easily
before, that day I kept stopping. After this attempt at reciting, my husband
told me, "Why don't you look inwards, with a calm heart, and see if you can
find reasons why you stopped at those sentences." I remembered the first time I stopped it was while reciting: "...who
merely study theories." As Master told us in Essentials for Further
Advancement II: "Some people think that Dafa is in keeping with their own
understanding of science; some people think that it agrees with their own code
of conduct; some people think that it speaks to their own dissatisfaction with
politics; some people think that Dafa can salvage humankind's degenerate
morals; some people think that Dafa can cure their illnesses; some people
think that Dafa and Master are righteous, and so on and so forth. It isn't
wrong for human beings in this world to yearn with these attachments for
beautiful dreams and wishes. But a cultivator definitely shouldn't be that
way. You may start on the path of Dafa with those thoughts, yet over the
course of cultivation you need to regard yourself as a cultivator. During the
course of cultivation, however, through reading the books, studying the Fa,
and diligently making progress, you should clearly recognize what your
thoughts were when you first came to Dafa. After cultivating for a period of
time, are your thoughts still the same? Are you continuing on the path because
of those human attachments? If so, you cannot be counted as my disciple. It
means that you haven't gotten rid of your fundamental attachments and that you
are unable to understand the Fa from the Fa." ("Towards
Consummation") I looked back carefully and remembered when I first obtained the Fa. I said
to myself this is truly a great book telling me the true meaning of life and
answered many of my unanswered questions about life. I also learned that there
were so many good people willing to cultivate to be better people in this world,
and I was so excited and touched by this. It has been three and a half years
since I obtained the Fa. On the surface I participated in many Dafa activities
and projects, yet I felt my xinxing improvement was slow, and the
physical purification of my body did not occur many times either. I realized the
sentence I stopped at while reciting the Fa pointed out exactly my problem in
cultivation. It was that I studied the Fa with a human heart and the pursuit of
learning knowledge. Thus, I did not meet the standard to be a true cultivator at
all. Master told us clearly in Zhuan Falun, "The above are the two reasons for not being able to increase gong.
Without knowing the Fa at high levels, one cannot practice cultivation.
Without cultivating one's inner self and one's xinxing, one cannot increase
gong. These are the two reasons." Facing the greatest Fa, why could I still not let go of my human attachments? The second time I stopped, it was at the word "human," such as
"...it cannot travel beyond this physical dimension in which our human race
exists" or "...only 'the Buddha Fa' has been able to perfectly provide
a clear exposition of humanity, every dimension of material existence, life, and
the entire universe." Prior to obtaining the Fa, I was a serious person with a set of standards
about dealing with people. My standard was that people who were nice to me were
good, and people who were not were bad. I did not realize that I fell into a
human notion and did not know the true good or bad. After I obtained the Fa,
though, I knew I should be nice to others. However, I could not be tolerant of
others. My face and tone was always cold and I did not know how to show a
benevolent attitude when I was the coordinator of our exercise site. My husband once joked to me, "Are you a Dao? How come you almost hit
people when teaching them?" Because of this, many fellow practitioners
discussed finding a different coordinator. At first I thought, "Master said
coordinators are not leaders, you can find whoever you want, I don't care, I
don't believe you could find another person who is as responsible and
enthusiastic as me." I did not see my own problems and I tried to protect
myself from criticism and blame others who did not see my contributions. I felt
embarrassed about my behavior. A cultivator is a person who continuously improves his xinxing and level,
truly letting go of the attachment of differentiating self from others or
putting oneself at a higher level than others. A practitioner should always
consider others first by cultivating firmly yet gently. Only by studying and
assimilating to the Fa, having faith in Master and looking inward and
cultivating solidly, can the practitioner achieve a higher standard. Posting date: 4/26/2006
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