By a practitioner in Harbin, Heilongjiang Province

(Clearwisdom.net) Time flies fast, and 10 years have passed before I even noticed. I was very fortunate to begin practicing Falun Dafa at the age of 9. Four years ago, my parents were illegally arrested. Throughout this process I have noticed many shortcomings in myself, as well as in fellow practitioners. I would like to share some of my observations here. Please kindly point out anything improper.

Among Harbin practitioners, from time to time some practitioners would be considered "heroes" among practitioners. I observed that if such "heroes" said anything improper or did something improper--regardless of how insignificant it was--they would be criticized. Before 1999 (before the persecution started), I overheard someone talking about how magnificent and noble a certain practitioner was. However, after the persecution started, during the time when many practitioners were going to Beijing to appeal for justice for Falun Dafa, there were words to the effect that, due to an attachment of fear, that practitioner had caused many practitioners in neighboring regions to not go to Beijing to appeal. Such statements circulated around for several years. It was not until last year that I came to know that such words were not what the practitioner actually meant. Instead it was because of some other practitioners' misunderstanding. What consequences had this caused? Many practitioners, including myself, misunderstood that practitioner. From this, we realized that, if practitioners were not paying attention to the other person's actual words and instead spread gossip, negative consequences would follow.

One day in 2002, I spent one unforgettable night with my family in the Daowai Police Station. During that night, my parents and my cousin were interrogated for the entire night. I was 15 years old at that time.

Several days later, another practitioner came to visit my sister and me. She told us that after we were arrested that night, many local practitioners were talking about my family, saying that we had not paid enough attention to the truth-clarification materials, which could be seen spread out on the bed. Upon hearing that, I was very depressed. I was upset because practitioners did not understand our situation (reflecting my attachment of fighting or competing with others). I was upset because they did not speak up earlier (reflecting my attachments of complaining). I was upset because my fellow practitioners were blaming my parents (reflecting my attachment of sentimentality). I now realize that Teacher was using fellow practitioners to test my family and me, as well as testing whether practitioners could pay attention to their speech.

I was not feeling comfortable over Harbin practitioners' establishment of "role models" for us to follow or to the problem of excessive praise. I remember during an experience-sharing conference in Harbin for young practitioners, a practitioner who could often see other dimensions told me, "Wow! I saw your body in other dimension meditating there; it was very beautiful! You cultivate so well!" I was so pleased upon hearing that, until one day when I was yawning during doing the exercises, my parents scolded me, "How can you cultivate in this way?"

A decent person would look down on lust. Therefore, it can be difficult for us to speak about it when such tribulations arise, making it harder for us to overcome them. Ever since I came to know what lust was, I have been eliminating it. In my understanding, we have to know which is one's true self, and which is lust.

Other than eliminating lust, my attachment to competing with others is also severe, combined with zealotry. Even when writing this article, I was thinking, "Will this article have a high impact?" Attachments to zealotry have been seen in many Harbin practitioners. Many of them were taken advantage of in this way by the old forces.

The attachment of fear is very severe in me. I was afraid my truth-clarification would make my sister worry. I am afraid that if I were arrested, my parents would worry. All these attachments are related to the attachment of fear, as well as the attachment of sentimentality. In fact, if we cultivate well we will be able to save more beings, rather than get arrested. In this way, our parents would not worry about us.

Right now, many practitioners are still making all kinds of excuses to cover up the attachment of fear. In other words, they are protecting what they fear most to lose. In fact, the more you are fearful, the more trouble the old forces will bring you and in turn, the more you will worry.

When discussing fear we have to understand one issue and that is, why would a Dafa disciple have fear? What are we fearful for? Where does the fear come from?

Why do we have fear? Is it because we committed a crime? Is it because the evil police could come at any time to ransack our home? Is it because when a practitioner is killed in the persecution it is counted as suicide by the authorities? No, the situation is nothing like that. If we think things over from the beginning, we did not commit any crimes, since who would ever try to outlaw cultivation--except the evil CCP (Chinese Communist Party)! Dear fellow practitioners, isn't the evil CCP specter something that should no longer exist? How could we obey the evil rules made by it?

Is it because the police could ransack our homes? They should not do it by any means.

In fact, behind the attachment of fear, isn't it that we do not firmly believe in Teacher and the Fa? If we could truly believe in Teacher, wouldn't we do all the three things well; how could the evil dare to touch us? Fellow practitioners, we should get rid of our fear; after all, it should be the evil that is afraid of us.

There are also some practitioners with the attachment to time who always try to dig out something from Teacher's articles hoping to get some hint on when the persecution will end. I think it is not proper to do it that way and we should instead focus on our mission. Just imagine that among the 1.3 billion people in China, most of them have joined the CCP, its Youth League, or affiliated organizations. What kind of future are they facing? The most important thing for us now is to make the best of use of time to save people.

March 28, 2006