(Clearwisdom.net) Ever since I started to cultivate, I have deeply felt the various states of being unable to be diligent, interference from all sorts of unrighteous elements, and other obstacles in trying to get rid of my attachments to fame, gain, and affection. I would like to share my experiences of cultivating and eliminating my pursuit of fame, gain, and affection.

Many capable persons among everyday people have the attachment of fame, including me. My situation was not about my having a strong pursuit of anything, but instead, I always chose to give up or avoid facing competition and conflicts. Therefore, I did not think that I had too much attachment to fame.

Around two years after I obtained the Fa, I noticed that I was gradually becoming more and more extreme in doing things. For instance, I often thought about quitting school and even wanted to give up getting my Ph.D. degree by using the excuse of getting rid of my attachment to fame. However, before I even put this thought into action, a small thing happened between my professor and me. My professor asked me to either stop practicing Falun Gong or temporarily leave school. Although at this point I suddenly understood that I should not be extreme under any circumstance, I still did not notice the fundamental attachment hidden deep in my heart.

Half a year later, the laboratory where I worked started working with another professor, who was well known as being the first author of research articles by taking advantage of cooperative work and others' research results. None of the ordinary people in the laboratory wanted to let him take any credit, so only my research result could be shared with him without any condition. Seeing the professor take over my research results one part after another and put them under his name, my attachment gradually revealed itself in front me. Since I did not realize that I had an attachment to fame, my mind was full of all sorts of thoughts to cover up my fundamental attachment. I thought that the professor would get his retribution for taking away things that should belong to me. I thought that out of the concern for this professor's own good, I should ask him to stop stealing my research results. The state of being unable to find my fundamental attachment was very painful. My willpower to cultivate gradually weakened. Eventually, I had to force myself to give up any and all thoughts about the situation.

Teacher said in "Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia, U.S.A.":

"If you're thinking, 'I'll have XYZ happen to me if I've gained such and such amount of merit,' well, yes, that's how it works for an ordinary person, and it might be what's looked at as far as certain facets of the cosmos's Fa-truths go or in a particular situation. But true improvements come from letting go, not from gaining."

Though I reluctantly chose to let it go by forcing myself to not think about it, our compassionate Teacher indeed helped me to see my strong attachment to fame. In the process of giving up the attachment little by little, my research began to get some recognition, and my classmates and professors started to notice my progress, thus paying more attention to me. They also began to believe that my achievements were from my cultivation of Falun Dafa.

On the other hand, while working with fellow practitioners on Dafa related projects, I treated the projects with an ordinary mentality: I was extremely reluctant to take on any big projects that required considerable responsibility. I used excuses such as not having the ability, using my pursuit of fame to cover my attachment. But avoiding the projects did not help me to get rid of my attachment. I heard other practitioners commenting on me. They said I envied their fame and blamed me for being indifferent to the projects because of it. When I first heard this, I tried hard to fight back my tears and forced myself to look inward. In Fa study, we were reading Lecture Seven of Zhuan Falun,

"Let me tell you this truth, a truth ordinary people can't grasp: maybe you think you're good at everything, but it's not in your destiny, while that person isn't good at anything but it is in his destiny, so that guy gets the managerial position. We don't worry about what ordinary people think, because those are just ordinary thoughts. In the eyes of higher beings, society just develops according to the specified patterns of development. So what a person does in his life isn't arranged based on his talents."

Suddenly I enlightened to the reason I was unable to get rid of the attachment to the fame: I did not have a good understanding of Teacher's words.

Whoever becomes famous, it is all pre-arranged. Teacher told us in "Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston:"

"Dafa disciples: the things you are faced with are magnificent, your responsibilities are major, and then there's your origin, of course--it's taking all these things into consideration that I say you're magnificent. You need to be worthy of the title 'Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple!' That's something that the cosmos won't have again. This only happens once since the beginning of time--it only happens once since the beginning of time in the cosmos."

The honor Teacher has given to us, I understand, is far beyond any fame within the human world. The fame among ordinary people, even practitioners, is nothing. Treasure the title of "Fa-rectification Period Dafa Disciples" that Teacher has honored us with and work harder to carry out the important mission to save sentient beings.

I had led a very simple life growing up, so I thought that I did not have much attachment to money. After starting my practice, I was still strict with myself on this aspect and many miracles happened to me. For instance, when I really needed a desktop computer to clarify the truth, I suddenly got a chance to do menial work. Although the pay was very low, the extra income was just enough to buy a computer. On another occasion, I hoped to have extra money to install high speed Internet. The apartment I rented suddenly had a leak, and I had to move to a different place. The new place that I found was very neat and cheaper. I used the money I saved to apply for high speed Internet. Because I lived very close to a Communication Network Office, my high speed Internet was installed very quickly. This helped me be able to clarify the truth through the computer very efficiently. When I heard that clarifying the truth in Manhattan was very important, I kept whatever savings I had left and also took a job as a private tutor. Eventually I was able to get enough money in my savings account that grew from almost nothing to make the trip to Manhattan, twice.

However, as Teacher said in Lecture Four of Zhuan Falun,

"But, usually when a conflict comes along, if it doesn't provoke you, it doesn't count, it doesn't work, and you won't be able to improve from it."

During my first trip to New York, I had carefully planned my itinerary and how to spend my money. The money I had would only cover one or two meals of instant noodles every day; I could not afford to have a meal in a restaurant. Then I accidentally lost my metro ticket that I had just bought when distributing truth clarification materials. When I realized my loss, I was so stunned that I did not know what to do. Practitioners in the same group who did not know my financial situation could not understand why I reacted so strongly about a mere metro ticket. They said, "Just buy another ticket. Why are you so nervous?" I was very upset and I clearly saw my attachment--I could not let it go when I lost something that benefited me.

I did not do well in the test, but at least I got a chance to remove more of my attachment to gain. As my attachment weakened, the amount in my saving account increased gradually although I was not extremely strict in my daily expenses. So, I did not need to worry about having no money to work on clarifying the truth.

In a huge crowd, we often find someone who seems like an old friend at first sight. It is the same among practitioners. Teacher said in "Lectures in the United States:"

"You'll find that someone who walks down the street and doesn't belong to your group, who doesn't have a predestined relationship with you, or have anything to do with you, will seem to be in a totally different world from you. You won't seem to have anything to do with him. You'll also find persons who seem to be of a different type of people. Then these people aren't from your group, and you don't have any predestined relationship with them at all."

After I started to practice Falun Gong, whenever I was bothered or could not understand the conflict between me and other practitioners, Teacher always helped me to see the relationships between me and other practitioners in our previous lifetimes.

For instance, I met a male practitioner in a project group. At once I felt at ease in talking with him about my true feelings. Very soon, I began to feel that as long as I saw him I would feel very happy, although I was already content with my boyfriend. That male practitioner was also a married man with children. I then felt scared when I first noticed my feelings toward that male practitioner. I was totally lost and did not know what to do or how to handle it. I kept pleading for Teacher's help and at same time negating my feelings toward that male practitioner. Soon enough, I found out that the male practitioner and I were born in Germany during another lifetime. We were very good friends and treated each other as soul mates. No wonder when we met at this lifetime we felt so comfortable with each other. After I understood this, I saw that the old forces had been using the predestined relationship between us to test us. I kept sending forth righteous thoughts to negate the old forces and their arrangements. Very soon, both he and I were busy doing different projects that we were assigned, and we do not have much chance to run into each other anymore.

After I passed this test, I had thought that there would be no more similar such tests. Yet few months later, I met a female practitioner. At once we happily chatted like two old friends. However, beyond my imagination, with our continued communication, we started to flirt with each other and even had deep feelings of affection to each other. Since we were both females, we did not immediately notice anything wrong. But when my affection got stronger and stronger, I thought of that male practitioner and understood that this was the old force's test of using our predestined relationship to pull us down. While I sent out forth righteous thoughts, I looked inward and saw my frivolous thoughts and attachments show up. Very soon, the relationship between us was rectified. And through our open conversation, both she and I were determined to eliminate unrighteous things through cultivation. Later, we began to do a very important Dafa project. Because of the predestined relationship of our previous lifetimes, we can easily understand each other and cooperate well.

Among practitioners, besides having very good friends in previous lifetimes, I also met a practitioner who was my enemy in a previous lifetime. Shortly after I began to practice Falun Dafa, I had conflict with that practitioner. Whenever he talked, I felt that he was not in the Fa and pointed out his problem. He, at same time, had a tendency to want me to follow his way of doing things. Our relationship became very tense, but neither of us wanted to step back, so finally we had to stop any communication between us. However, the karma accumulated from the previous lifetimes was too huge. For a while, whenever I heard his name, I immediately felt angry, so I pleaded with Teacher to help me eliminate such bad substance. One or two weeks later, I found that I was not that angry with him. Gradually, I found out that he and I had fought for fame and gain in the past and had even tried to kill each other, so that was why there was so much karma between us.

Though I understood this, I still was unable to smoothly resolve the conflict between us. Until recently, we had to work together in a Dafa project. I reminded myself that no matter how hard it is, I must be tolerant for the sake of saving sentient beings and rectifying the Fa. When I decided to ground myself, I suddenly foresaw the relation between us in our further lifetimes. We were the lords of each other's celestial body. In the process of descending to a different level, we met each other at one level and knotted the predestined relationship. It was done so that we would be able to be together in today's Fa rectification period. At that level, that practitioner was a leader of children and a brother of mine. When we children at that level had to ascend to the next level, we all knew that we would be Falun Dafa practitioners someday because we all promised Teacher. To avoid being separated in the following lifetimes, we always were together at each level and lifetime, but we were lost in the human's world. Though we had a very deep predestined relationship, we also created great karma between us. Unable to be diligent on the cultivation path, unable to truly look inward during a conflict, and unable to follow the principle of truthfulness, compassion, tolerance reduced the effectiveness of saving sentient beings on the projects we worked together.

On cultivation paths, every one of us takes a different role or does a different task, but when we gradually get rid of the attachments to fame, gain and affection, we will be more clear minded on our historic mission and also see the effect of our righteous or non-righteous actions on saving sentient beings.

I'd like to conclude my article with Teacher's words in "Teaching the Fa on Easter, 2004, at the New York Fa Conference:"

"You can talk about how such-and-such number of the cosmos's gods came down to the world before to save people and established such-and-such mighty virtue, but I'll tell you, my true Dafa disciples: Your future mighty virtue will surpass that of any god who came to this world before at any point in history, (applause) for you today are part of Fa-rectification. You need to treasure it--you have to treasure the path you've walked. Only when you treasure the steps you've taken can you do well on the path ahead. Not much of the journey is left. Do even better on your path and do things even more righteously."

Thank you, Teacher! Thank you, everybody!

April 5, 2006