By Falun Dafa practitioner Zhang Zhengzhi from Sydney

(Clearwisdom.net) This article tells how I abandoned Dafa and lived as an ordinary person for six years, and how I returned to Dafa cultivation. After reading Teacher's latest article, "Pass the Deadly Test," I think that I should write this down to share with those who still have not decided how to come back to Dafa practice. This article also marks my complete separation from the mistakes I made before. In "Pass the Deadly Test," Teacher said,

"I hope that the students who have gone down the wrong path won't keep making mistakes. This may be the last time Master teaches the Fa to students like these."

Reading this sentence, I felt like crying. Teacher treats those who have taken the wrong path with great mercy. Please, all come back.

Betraying Dafa

In July 1999 the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started to persecute Dafa and Dafa practitioners. I had just graduated, and left my fellow practitioners at my former school. Back then I was not very diligent in cultivation practice. Although I did not agree with the persecution, I did not have a good understanding of it either. Gradually, I stopped Fa study and practicing the exercises. Afterwards, I began to spend all my time and energy on computer games and some inappropriate information online. After that, I prepared to go to Australia. When getting the passport at the police station, they found out that I was a Falun Gong practitioner. It was said that someone had reported me. They required my joining a brainwashing class. Since I had already dropped down to the ordinary people's level I wrote the guarantee statement and said something bad against Teacher. It was so shameful.

After coming out of China, I could freely read the Minghui/Clearwisdom articles and Teacher's lectures. I felt very regretful for what I did against Dafa. I published a solemn statement on Minghui, claiming that I took back everything inappropriate I said against Teacher. Under strong feelings of remorse and fear, however, I tripped again. I could not get rid of my strong attachments to attraction to female charms and computer games. I chose again to walk the ordinary people's path, somewhere between the paths of the divine and the ordinary. Although Teacher gave me the opportunity to come abroad and start anew, and I occasionally thought of returning to the cultivation path, my human mindset and attachments blocked me from returning.

I spent six years like that. The longer I hesitated, the less chance I felt there was for me. Plus, I dared not to go back; hence, I slipped further away, feeling miserable all along. Being human and giving up Dafa practice felt extremely uncomfortable.

Returning to the Path of Cultivation

You might think it strange that I was so far away; how could I still come back? I must thank Teacher for his mercy, and I also must thank fellow practitioners who had been sending forth righteous thoughts and who had been clarifying the truth of Dafa to me. Teacher had had the door open for me all the time, and he protected my family members when their lives were in danger.

Once my mother suffered from a serious eye hemorrhage and subsequently had one of her eyeballs removed. As a matter of fact, the hemorrhage was not the only reason -- she was seeing very many strange scenes: there was an eye hanging on her forehead; sometimes she could see a golden dragon in the room; she also saw that something was cleaning up the hemorrhage for her. Terrified by what she saw, she then had one of her eyeballs removed. Had I still been a practitioner back then, she would not have had her eye taken out. Instead, she might have also become a practitioner herself. Nevertheless, this event also reminded me that Teacher was still helping me.

In addition, fellow practitioners continued sending forth righteous thoughts and clarified the truth to me, which helped me reconnected with Dafa after all these years. Besides, the evil forces that had been affecting me were gradually eliminated. Eventually, after displaying compassion a couple of times, Teacher strengthened me, which encouraged me to come back. My first compassionate thought occurred after seeing Teacher's public statement of withdrawing from the CCP Youth League. I thought I should follow suit and hence used my real name to announce my withdrawal from the CCP and all of its associated organizations. The second compassionate thought came after I read the article on Minghui, relating how the Chinese police forced a Dafa practitioner to have an abortion. I felt extremely outraged (this was certainly human mentality) and wanted to do something to stop this atrocity. After that, I read Teacher's latest article and felt the strong power from the article strengthen me. I also believed that many segments of the article seemed to point at me; therefore my desire to come back to cultivation gradually rose.

After a while, I finally decided to let go of the attachment to save face and return to the path, to my original true self. I finally started practicing again at a site located in my school.

Initially, still being plagued by the influence of previous attachments, I was unable to be diligent in cultivation. Not until after the release of the news of the Sujiatun Concentration Camp did I feel shocked and realized that the evil was so very rampant. If I did not practice harder, how could I eliminate this evil with my righteous thoughts? How could I use my righteous thoughts to rescue the practitioners who are suffering in China? How could I clarify the truth to rescue sentient being? I must really awaken right now!

I started to study the Fa wholeheartedly, practice the exercises, send forth righteous thoughts and clarify the truth of Dafa. However, my human mind sometimes wonders if I still have enough time, and whether I can reach Consummation. Whenever this happened, Teacher would come into my dreams and give me hints. I saw golden light. After the magnificent scene, I saw two words which said, "cultivate diligently." Suddenly I understood. Teacher wants me to diligently do the three things well.

Hence I would be more diligent. Through numerous times of Fa study and memorization, I noticed great and fast changes in me. I frequently find that I am different today than how I was yesterday. Although my xinxing is still low, I am strict with myself and I believe that because of this, I should be regarded a Dafa practitioner. It is difficult to find words to express my happiness after returning to cultivation.

Looking back at my mistakes and my return, I deeply feel how serious cultivating is and how magnificent Dafa is. If I cannot let go of my human mindset and choose the path of cultivation, I cannot cultivate at all. Teacher is extremely merciful. He has kept the door open for us practitioners who have made mistakes. He hopes that one day we will come back. Besides, the Buddha Fa is boundless. As long as we are diligent, even after we make mistakes, we can still reach Consummation.

I hope that my experiences will help those who have also made some mistakes. Don't miss this extremely precious opportunity. The so-called "losing face" is nothing compared with the opportunity to cultivate.

This article has been finished in haste. Please help point out any inappropriate parts. Please also help me and tell me about my attachments.

Posting date: 5/31/2006
Original article date: 5/31/2006
Category: Cultivation in Persecution
Chinese version available at http://minghui.ca/mh/articles/2006/5/13/127527.html

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