Understanding Why I Walked a Path Arranged by the Old Forces During the Past Few Years
By Zhong Fangqiong
(Clearwisdom.net)
I wrote this article
six months ago, however, because of my selfishness (failing to look
within) at that time, I did not submit it. After the exposure of
atrocities at Sujiatun some practitioners became afraid. Therefore, I
would now like to share with these practitioners and discuss the
issue in hopes that my experiences might help others. I learned Falun
Gong in March 1999. I set very high standards for myself. I spent all
of my time studying the Fa, practicing the exercises and spreading
the Fa. I stopped reading any other books, newspapers or magazines
(besides Zhuan Falun). I also stopped watching
television programs and movies. Even during meals I did not waste any
time. However, as I was very busy with my business, and my reading
was rather slow, I still did not have that much time to read the Fa.
Besides listening to Teacher's lectures a lot when I was driving
and attending group Fa-study, I had only read Zhuan Falun four
times by the end of 1999 when I went to Beijing. I had little time to
read many of Teacher's previous Fa lectures. After the
persecution began on July 20, 1999, I became even more steadfast in
safeguarding and validating the Fa. I risked losing everything to clarify the truth and save sentient beings. Since practicing
Falun Gong is actually perfectly legal in China, why was I detained
more than thirty times and cruelly tortured? I almost lost my life
twice. Some practitioners that are not yet solid on the Fa might
think, "Didn't Teacher fail to protect me?" I'm suggesting,
let's calm down to study the Fa and look at my notions and deeds at
that time. Were they within the Fa?
A
Righteous Heart Will Not Cause an Incorrect Mind Teacher said, "What I just
addressed are some problems resulting from practitioners' inability
to conduct themselves properly; that is, those problems are caused by
an incorrect mind." ("Your
Mind Must be Right" from Zhuan Falun) I am one of the people Teacher
described. The reason that I was detained dozens of times was because
my thoughts were not righteous. At that time I thought that since I
was detained every New Year's Day, Chinese Lunar New Year, May 1st
International Labor Day and October 1st ("National Day"), that it
showed that I was a steadfast Dafa practitioner. I thought I was a
true cultivator who had let go of reputation, self-interest, and the
feelings of everyday people. I felt that I was really great. During
the time when I was in a "strict control group" I encouraged
myself with the sentence Teacher said in Zhuan Falun, "Those who go to
Tibet sincerely in search of the Dharma may settle down there once
they arrive--those are true practitioners."
My thoughts were
absolutely wrong. The one thought that could bring about
different consequences was taken advantage of by the old forces. As a
result I was repeatedly jailed. Teacher also said in Zhuan Falun, "There is a
principle in our universe that normally other people cannot interfere
with whatever one pursues and wants for oneself." Teacher said during his lecture, "Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Philadelphia,
U.S.A," "As
I've said, everything that happens today in the ordinary society is
the result of Dafa disciples' thoughts." I studied the Fa
every day and even remembered the Fa by heart. However, I did not
live by the Fa and my behavior was not governed by the Fa, so I
failed to melt into the Fa. When one fails to melt into the Fa, they
have not yet met the standard.
Teacher said,
"Let
each and every thing be measured against the Fa. Therefore, I was
still an everyday person on this issue. In other words, I had an
attachment to being imprisoned - because my notion was in line with
the old forces, not the Fa. It showed that I had always been on a
path filled with great tests and tribulations, which were arranged by
the old forces. It was for this reason that I was repeatedly
imprisoned and persecuted.
For example: (1) In late 1999
I planned to go to Beijing to appeal, so I terminated my business and
told my accountant, "Please settle all my accounts. Since I am a
Falun Gong practitioner I have to clarify the truth, therefore I will
be persecuted and imprisoned." Teacher asks us to clarify the
truth. Going to Beijing to appeal is to validate the Fa and clarify
the truth. Then why should a good person be persecuted? Teacher did
not say we must go to prison. (At that time Teacher's new article "Rationality" hadn't been
published). Didn't I behave counter to Teacher's Fa? I was
imprisoned as a result of my incorrect thought. This was like
agreeing to be imprisoned. (2) Teacher said
in Zhuan Falun, "Of
course, we have said that one gets into trouble because one's own
values and mind are not correct or righteous." The night before
I left for Beijing, a practitioner who had arrived earlier phoned me
saying, "Don't take too much money with you. You only need enough
money for the train fare to Beijing, because all of us will be
arrested and sent to the Beijing office of our respective provinces.
Then we will be sent back home, and all of our money will be
confiscated." I believed this practitioner and did as I was told.
As a result our notions came in line with the old forces and we
walked on the path arranged by the old forces. As a result we did not
even get to Beijing, but were arrested at a practice site on the
outskirts of Beijing.
(3) In 2000, when
I went to Beijing for the second time, there were many police
officers and plainclothes police on the street leading to the Appeals
Office. I thought at the time, "Teacher, please help me get into
the Appeals Office and finish filling out the forms before I get
arrested." What a naïve and ridiculous thought that was! As a
result I was arrested and transferred from one detention center to
the other. Didn't I ask to be arrested? I am very upset with myself
for my poor enlightenment at that time. "My disciples!
Master is very worried, but this cannot help! Why can't you abandon
ordinary human attachments? Why are you so reluctant to take a step
forward?" (Essentials for Further
Advancement) I was not wrong
in going to Beijing to appeal. Why should the police be allowed to
arrest me? No, they were not! Then why didn't I negate them? Why
didn't I think from within the Fa? In essence it was the issue of
whether I still firmly believed in the Fa. Didn't Teacher protect
me? Yes, however Teacher only protects practitioners, not everyday
people. At that time, although I was a practitioner in name, actually
my xinxing and my deeds were still that of a
non-practitioner. What Teacher really protects are Dafa
practitioners. I could only blame myself for not studying the Fa in a
down-to-earth manner and for my poor enlightenment quality. Since my
thoughts and deeds were not in accordance with the Fa I left
loopholes for the old forces to take advantage.
2. My Thoughts Conformed to the Old Forces,
So I Did Not Act Rationally, but Instead Went to Extremes
Teacher said in "Rationality" "Validate
the Fa with rationality, clarify the truth with wisdom, spread the Fa
and save people with mercy--this is establishing the mighty virtue
of an Enlightened Being." (Essentials for
Further Advancement II) What
about me? When I went to the newspaper office with other
practitioners to clarify the truth in 1999, we talked about the
benefits we received after practicing Falun Gong, and about how the
television and newspapers confused black and white. We hoped the
newspaper would publish positive reports on Falun Gong. After their
staff kindly asked us to leave, one of the practitioners strongly
requested to talk to the editor-in-chief. At that time I also did not
act from within the Fa, but used human notions to walk my cultivation
path. Although I knew clearly that the practitioner was not kind and
not within the Fa, I failed to stop him. I also failed to ask other
practitioners to leave. As a result the police were called and we
were all detained.
One day in 2002,
I received a phone call quite unexpectedly from a friend from my
hometown. The practitioner asked me to leave home immediately,
because a practitioner from my hometown was arrested while handing
out truth-clarification materials. During the interrogation he told
police that he got the material from me, so the police were on their
way to arrest me. I said, "Rest assured, I will be alright. They
have no say in the matter." (I was assured about my attitude, since
I disintegrated the evil beings many times with righteous thoughts
when confronting my would-be arrestors. I actually foiled their
persecution of me. Therefore, subconsciously I started to have an
attachment to showing-off.)
When I then sat
down to send forth righteous thoughts a family member's colleague
visited me (and I did not realize that this was interference). I was
busy playing a truth-clarification VCD for her when, about ten
minutes later, the local police arrived. When they found that I was
home they asked me to come to the police station. I thought I could
clarify the truth to them and disintegrate the evil factors while I
was there. My actions were not in accordance with the Fa. Teacher
said in "Dafa Disciples' Righteous Thoughts are Powerful,"
published in 2001: "No
matter what the situation, do not cooperate with the evil's
demands, orders, or what it instigates." During the many
of times of my detention many police were present, and each time I
clarified the truth, so they all knew the truth of Falun Gong. Since
I cooperated with the evil people, Teacher's law bodies and the
guardian gods of the Fa were anxious but unable to do
anything. I attracted the officials from the 610 Office,
policemen from the National Security Departments, the police
sub-bureaus and police sub-stations both locally and from my
hometown. They ransacked my house and videotaped it, which resulted
in a big loss of truth-clarification materials. I was taken to a
detention center. After being
detained I found my loophole and rectified my thoughts in line with
the Fa. I held a hunger strike, was force-fed, suffered the cruel
torture of the "dead person's bed," and was handcuffed and
shackled. I almost died there. Two weeks later I eliminated the evil
forces and returned to the current of Fa-rectification. Fellow
practitioners suspected me of being a spy. Some practitioners left
whenever they saw me. Some practitioners phoned my mother in an
attempt to find out if I had gone over to the opposite side. Still,
some practitioners said they did not believe I had such strong
righteous thoughts to enter and leave the police department just like
visiting my mother's home. At that time I did not care about all
these remarks, but now when recalling all of this, I feel so
embarrassed. Teacher said, "We
have a practitioner who broke a few needles at a hospital. In the
end, the liquid medicine squirted out, and the needle still would not
penetrate. He came to understand: ‘Oh, I'm a practitioner, and I
shouldn't have injections.'" (Zhuan
Falun) Why would I
always send out very powerful righteous thoughts after I was
arrested, yet fail to have such powerful righteous thoughts when I
was at home? Because according to my notions, I thought that only
when I was imprisoned would it count as persecution. As a matter of
fact, the environment we live in under the persecution is like one
big invisible cage. One day in late
2002, at a time when I was forced to become homeless to avoid
being arrested and persecuted, someone knocked at my door. I saw two
females and one male through the peephole. All of them were young
people. I saw another man only as the group was leaving. When a
security guard questioned them regarding their reason for visiting me
and asked them to leave their contact number so that when I came back
I could contact them, they said viciously, "Mind your own
business!" I also found that there was a police car downstairs.
After analyzing the situation I was sure that these people harbored
evil intentions. At the time three practitioners were at my
residence. The male practitioner suggested that we should leave
immediately. However, one of the female practitioners said, "It's
a false phenomena so we must totally negate it." I was not on the
Fa, and I followed other people, and failed to follow the Fa. I also
thought it was better for us to leave at once. However, owing to
showing respect for the female practitioner's feelings, and being
afraid that fellow practitioners would think I had the attachment of
fear, I mistakenly thought it was a false situation. I also thought
it was Teacher's arrangement to let the male practitioner leave.
(This male practitioner, from another part of China, had a strong
attachment to fear. I had tried my best to help him, however, there
was not much improvement at that time. Out of selfishness, I was
afraid he might hinder the Fa rectification process, and feared that
the Falun Dafa materials production site would be at risk because he
was not righteous). As a result, the male practitioner left safely in
the afternoon of the same day. One of the female practitioners and I
were arrested two days later and our houses were ransacked. The
persecution I suffered during the subsequent detention was extremely
evil. Although I walked out of the evil den after one month of hunger
strike, my health was ruined. It took me six months to recover. Six
months was a long time. I delayed a lot of opportunities to save
sentient beings. I feel frightened
when I recall the tortures today. This was illegal persecution of me,
which was not arranged by Teacher, but by the old forces. In my final
analysis, all of this persecution was the result of my own
irrationality. Every time, Teacher gave me a hint. Teacher said,
"My
fashen will stop you and give you hints. If it finds out that you are
always like that, it will no longer take care of you."
(Zhuan Falun) It is not wrong
to regard ourselves as high beings, but we are confined to an
everyday people's environment. Thinking otherwise would be no
different from the situation Teacher described,
"There
was a person who was walking on the street with my book in his hand,
yelling, ‘I have Teacher Li's protection, so I'm not afraid of
being hit by a car.' That was undermining Dafa. This type of person
will not be protected. Actually, a true practitioner will not do such
a thing." (Zhuan Falun) "Being afraid"
and "rationality" are two completely different issues, but being
rational doesn't necessarily mean that you still have a human heart
of fear. Only when you are on the Fa will rationality bring you
safety, and only when there is rationality can we do a better job in
saving sentient beings.
3. Validating
Myself, Not the Fa During my long
period of my detention, I thought I did not compromise and was
steadfast in the Fa. However, I forgot the grand vows I had
made before history, which included saving sentient beings, not just
improving myself and reaching personal consummation. If I were
imprisoned then who would shoulder the task of saving sentient
beings? This clearly showed that I was still not clear on the Fa
principles.
Being severely
persecuted doesn't mean I have cultivated well. Neither does being
imprisoned for a long period of time. As a matter of fact, it is the
manifestation of not cultivating well. Teacher said in "Shed
the Human Mindset" (A Dangerous
Phenomenon That Calls for Our Attention) "The
most prominent manifestation of this is the severe persecution many
students face as a result of their strong human mindset and lack of
righteous thoughts." Teacher also
said, "Cultivation
practice is extremely arduous and very serious."
(Zhuan Falun) Fellow
practitioners, let's understand the Fa from the Fa, use organ
harvesting from live practitioners to expose the nature of the evil
Party and do a better job in saving sentient beings. Let's also do
a better job in rescuing our fellow practitioners while letting go of
our human notions and doing the three things well.
Please kindly help me understand any
shortcomings I may have.
Only then, with
that, is it actually cultivation." ("Solid
Cultivation" from "Hong Yin")
For so many years I
walked on the path arranged by the old forces, lost personal freedom,
lost a lot of precious time in saving sentient beings and made
Teacher and the guardian gods of the Fa
anxious, because they were unable to do anything to help me. Teacher
said in His article, "Further Elimination of Attachments"
Chinese version available at
http://www.minghui.org/mh/articles/2006/5/21/127929.html
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