(Clearwisdom.net) I grew up hearing words of praise, and
there exists a proud eagle in my bones. My family (the older or same generation
as mine) always said I was like a shining star. Recently, while with a fellow
practitioner, I deeply enlightened to what is a "prideful eagle." When
I asked about some computer problems, he taught me with patience. But when he
had a question to ask me, he seemed very disrespectful about my answer. This
hurt my self-esteem very much, and the incident made me realize that I have
treated others this way before. Just because I am feeling it now myself, I have
suddenly realized how others feel when I treat them with disrespect.
I found two shortcomings from this incident. First, I was not
forbearing. When my fellow practitioner ignored my suggestions, I was not calm,
but felt extremely hurt. Master taught us early on,
"Forbearance is the key to
improving one's xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is
the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To
endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a
cultivator. ("What is Forbearance (Ren)?" from Essentials for
Further Advancement)
Another shortcoming of mine is a fear of conflicts. When I see
that a fellow practitioner is being too proud, I fail to point it out with
compassion, because I fear having a conflict, and fear being rejected. This is
an attachment to myself, and I was not thinking of his own good.
Master taught us that cultivation is the process of getting rid
of all sorts of attachments. Being a "proud eagle" is also one of
them. It shouldn't be that we pay attention to this problem only after Master
points it out specifically.
Please correct any misunderstandings I might have.
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