Sickness Falls Away When I Let Go of the Attachment to Life and Death
(Clearwisdom.net) One day right after the New Year of 2005, I suddenly felt cold all over and kept shivering when I was working. After that I had a high fever all day and night, and ached at every pore. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the persecution by the dark minions and rotten demons, and when the fever came down I began to study the Fa, clarify the truth, and persuade others to declare "the three withdrawals" [from the Chinese Communist Party and related organizations]. Less than half a month later, however, I again felt cold all over and trembling. I couldn't manage to stand. It was my colleagues who helped me home by car. This time, I suffered high fever for three entire days, and I couldn't eat for three days either. Even when I drank water I would throw it up. Especially when it came to dusk of the third day, my fever was as high as 39.6oC (103.2oF) and kept persisting. I then began to get delirious.
I repeatedly called for Teacher to help, and said: "Please save me Teacher! Please stop my fever, I really can't die, otherwise when I promoted the Fa and clarified the truth, those everyday people and those who have announced 'the three withdrawals' through my persuading might be doubtful of Dafa, and then they would be unable to be saved." However, my high fever showed no evidence of subsiding. I then sat up and sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the persecution from the Communist evil specter, and thought that the fever ought to be allayed. But, the fever was the same as before. In fact, when I suffered from this fever and called for Teacher to help, and when I sent forth righteous thoughts, what I did was seemingly correct but it actually came from a concealed heart of relying on Teacher and my own fear for death. My thinking was: Since I have already been a Dafa disciple, and I am doing the three things, when I meet with the sickness demon I should just plead with Teacher to save me. Teacher then definitely won't let me die and will eliminate the sickness demon, and my righteous thoughts will surely destroy the sickness demon too." Actually, by thinking that way, I accepted the root of the sickness in my mind. I was fearing that the sickness demon would devitalize me, and I relied on Teacher and my righteous thoughts to allay the fever, rather than treating myself as a true practitioner. Subsequently, the old forces utilized my loophole and attachment of fear and sought to destroy me rapidly and entirely.I then opened Zhuan Falun while leaning against my headboard, and happened to turn to this part of the teachings,
At that time I had already exhibited the symptoms of chest tightness, choking, shortness of breath, and suffocation, etc. My consciousness began to fade away and death was approaching me. But, all of a sudden, I thought of Teacher's words,
"What's not a right mind? It refers to a person's inability to always treat himself as a practitioner." (Zhuan Falun, English Version 2000)
"If you can let go of life and death, you're a God; if you can't let go of life and death, you're a human--this is the difference." ("Teaching the Fa in New York City" in Lectures in the United States" on March 23, 1997)
By then it had been past midnight, and when another five minutes passed my stomach suddenly swooshed and fierce diarrhea began. Afterward I took my temperature, it was 38.5oC (101.3oF). With the fierce diarrhea coming on once every hour, my temperature kept coming down, from 37.8oC, 37.2oC to 36.8oC, 36.5oC and finally 36.0oC (normal). At day break, my whole body felt slightly cool. The next day was a Sunday. I had originally planned to entertain guests. On that day I felt clear-headed and light-footed and ate two times more than usual.
Just as Teacher said,
"If you can truly cultivate, when you can truly let go of your attachment to living or your fear of death--and not just act that way for others to see while constantly thinking about it inside--then no matter what kind of illness you have, it will be cured. In cultivation, the difference between humanness and godhood is just the difference of one thought. This difference of one thought sounds easy, but it can be achieved only with a deep and solid foundation in cultivation. If you can really devote a lot of effort to studying the Fa, you will be able to achieve that." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York")
After the fever ceased I experienced insomnia. I lay in bed and couldn't fall asleep the whole night. There were very horrible scenes and types of demons appearing in front of my eyes. This made me aware that it was another form of a murderous hand laid on me by the Communist evil specter, dark minions and rotten demons. I then sent forth righteous thoughts again and again. Meanwhile I increased my practice of the sitting meditation. Bit by bit, I got over the situation from being able to sleep for only one hour to being back to normal.
Within a period of three months, I had five incidents of high fever, with a fierce cough lasting for over half a month each time. I even showed the symptoms of a possible stroke. Originally my menstrual flow was abnormally high. At that time all the fevers were followed by superfluous menses; then my physical situation was so poor that after only a few steps I became breathless and broke a sweat. However, I steadfastly believed in Teacher and the Fa, insisting on doing the three things, and had no thoughts of living or dying. After the fourth incident of high fever, when I was lying in bed, I felt something drop out of my body with a flop. I found it was a tumor as big as a golf ball. My uterine tumor which had existed for many years was cured without any treatment! Accordingly, the menstrual flow recovered to a normal state.
I remembered Teacher said,
"In that case, when you can truly understand the Fa during cultivation, you will be able to get rid of any attachment. You will think, "I've obtained the Fa, and I am not afraid of anything. If I die, so be it. Even if I die, I have obtained the Fa. What's going to happen to me after I die? I won't end up in hell. I've obtained the Fa, after all." A person like that will not encounter anything that endangers his life and he won't have any health problems (Applause). That is because the state of mind he demonstrates is that of a true cultivator. He has truly understood [what cultivation is] and has truly elevated himself, and he has let go of all attachments. At least in this one regard he has transcended humanness, he has gone beyond the realm of humanness. Only ordinary human beings have health problems. Once he lets go of his attachment to being healed his health problems will be gone." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 International Fa Conference in New York")
Teacher also said,
"Dafa disciples, all the way until their last step to Consummation, will be tested as to whether they can make it. There could be very, very critical tests for you all the way until you are just one step away from finishing. That is because every step becomes more and more critical to your cultivation and your tests, especially toward the end. You know, those lawless gods of the old cosmos will try to maneuver things until the very end, as long as they are still around. When you are not up to par, they will surely try to find a way to bring you down. They know that Li Hongzhi won't abandon you, so they will use all kinds of methods to make you fall. Having just one single thought be off will make a person falter. So the closer it is to the end, the more serious and crucial the tests will be. ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles, 2006")
Why have I been constantly suffering from serious persecution from the sickness demon over the past year? Actually that was because the old forces had found an excuse to persecute me. Two days before the Chinese New Year of 2005, the head of the 610 Office in our district came to question me: "Will you insist on practicing Falun Gong?" At that time I thought: "The Chinese Lunar New Year is coming, besides, my guests are coming to gather, just get rid of them by giving a false declaration!" Being influenced by my human heart, I answered: "If my practice is being done for my personal curing of illnesses and keeping fit, I can quit the practice." In fact, I submitted to the evil for fear of going to the brainwashing classes again and being sent to the forced labor camp again. Quite a few times I wanted to make a "Solemn Declaration" to nullify my fake renunciation, but I worried that the authorities would investigate it, search me out and send me again to forced labor. I had already submitted a "Solemn Declaration" after I was released from the forced labor camp and, besides, my family name and given name are both pretty unique so the authorities would find out for sure. Consequently, the old forces tried all their best to destroy me using the form of sickness, for they had found this loophole.
When I sought a remedy through calling for Teacher to help, studying the Fa more, and sending forth the righteous thoughts, I was actually trying to cover up my attachment to the fear mentioned above. Now the Fa-rectification has come to its final stage, and everything is breaking through to the surface. A cultivator's thoughts and mentality will lead to a corresponding change in the surface dimension and on his own body. A thought of a God will change the status of an everyday person, while a thought of a human will make the cultivator regress to the status of an everyday person. For example, having the belief that if one doesn't take medicine or an injection their illness would really worsen rapidly. The old forces just seized on the mistake of that one thought I had and drove the dark minions and rotten demons to draw me back to the status of an everyday person by any means, until they could devitalize me. The scenes I saw in a dream showed their purpose and cruel means. The historical mission of a Dafa disciple is to assist Teacher to rectify the Fa and to save sentient beings in the life-and-death stage of the universe, instead of passing the so-called "tests" arranged by the old forces. They are not qualified to arrange any tests. Their so-called "tests" are serious obstacles to Teacher's Fa-rectification. If a Dafa disciple can walk righteously in the Fa-rectification period, the evil would dare not to persecute him at all, and the arrests and detentions in forced labor camps would not exist either.
Having found my fundamental attachment, I made my "Solemn Declaration" right away, in which I wrote, "Before the Chinese Lunar New Year of 2005, when the head of the 610 Office in our district came to my home and asked me: 'Will you continue your practicing of Falun Gong?' Out of a mentality of fear I declared at that time: 'If it is for my own curing of illnesses and keeping fit, I can stop.' This wrong thought led to my suffering many times from high fever, and a heavy amount of menstrual flow, as well as a lasting serious cough. Now I solemnly declare that the sentence I said mentioned above shall be null and void. I will continue my practice of Falun Gong, and I will practice more steadfastly for the salvation of sentient beings! I will, as Teacher's creditable disciple in the Fa-rectification period, do the three things well, and cultivate and practice Falun Dafa in a noble and dignified manner."
After I made the "Solemn Declaration," my symptoms of constipation disappeared and I didn't cough the whole afternoon. However in the following two days I kept coughing badly. I understood it was the old forces that were trying to delude me with an illusion: "See, your cough hasn't gone away after you did the 'Solemn Declaration.'" They sought to shake my volition of believing in Teacher and the Fa. I was not moved at all and continued doing the three things every day. Then, two days later, all the symptoms disappeared. It reminds me of Teacher's words,
"Remove your human thoughts
and evil will naturally die out"
("Don't Be Sad" in Hong Yin Volume II, Translation Version A)
Now I am clear-headed and energetic. I keep upgrading myself in the righteousness of Dafa. I have truly eliminated the shackle of the sickness demon.
I shall engrave Teacher's words in my mind and keep thinking righteously and behaving righteously in the Fa-rectification. I will be steadfast without slacking off.
On January 3, 2007