Let Go of Pursuit and Fear
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings Master! Greetings everybody! My name is Martin and I am a practitioner from Poland. I am honored to be
here and very grateful that so many practitioners were able to find time in
their busy schedules and come to Poland for this Fa conference and related
activities. My cultivation has gone pretty well during the last few years. It always
seems like I don't do enough, and there are a lot of things that I could have
been done better, but I guess that's cultivation. Looking back, I think it was
really good. I would like to share an experience with you. I was sitting at the conference in Geneva this year and a practitioner told
me that she felt the conference was "kind of boring." I said to her
that we should listen to the speakers, but in my mind I was agreeing with what
she said. I thought to myself, "Why do I have these thoughts? I should not
be having these thoughts." Conferences are one of the ways for us to
cultivate, given to us by Master. Many of the practitioners around me were sleeping, and I kept thinking,
"Why do I feel so uncomfortable." Although I slept for a long time the
night before, I felt like I wanted to leave the conference and go where I could
sleep. My legs hurt and I also caught myself massaging my hand. I was afraid
that other practitioners would see me sleeping, but at the same time I found it
almost impossible to stay awake. Then I remembered that lately it was hard for
me to read the Fa. I only read for a short while and every time I started to
read, everything seemed so normal. I was not enlightening to Fa principles and
the magnificence I felt when I just started practicing was diminished. Then I noticed I was looking outward too often. Instead of looking inward I
kept trying to find an easy way around my attachments. I kept waiting for
something special to jump out of the teachings that would give me a push and
blow my attachments away. At the conference I also listened to the speakers,
waiting for some great motivation that would allow me to strive forward. But
nothing happened. So I looked inside and realized that in many ways I treated
myself like an ordinary person. I was letting my attachments run wild. Once I
realized this and was able to get my mind back on track, everything changed.
After I had this righteous thought, my legs and body stopped hurting immediately
and the drowsiness I was experiencing vanished. I was amazed; because this was
the first time I had experienced such a feeling. This was also the first time
during the conference I was not sleepy. I was alert through the rest of the
conference and the speeches all became interesting. Lately when I practice the exercises, my entire body hurt, including my arms.
After completing the sitting meditation my legs are really sore for the rest of
the day. I remembered my experience in Geneva and realized that a similar thing
was happening. I wasn't treating myself as a practitioner so the gods and demons
were not either. I didn't cultivate my xinxing enough and this reminded me of
Master's teaching from Zhuan Falun: "...Frankly, some people do not value xinxing, and they would be
better off doing physical exercises." I guess I was only doing physical exercises for a while. After becoming aware
of this and getting rid of the attachments that were making me think during the
exercises, I was able to achieve a calm and pure state. My body was no longer
sore; instead it felt very light. I noticed that most of the bad or good things that happened to me were
related to fear and faith. I usually found fear in my heart when things would go wrong. Fear of not
having enough money, not having enough time, not having enough goodness in my
heart. Fear of not cultivating hard enough, of not passing a test, or that I
will forgot something important and will miss out on something special. In other
words, I was in fear about my future and my well being. Of course when I do
something wrong I should learn from my wrongdoing, and do better in the future.
I was failing to learn from my experiences and I held on to my attachments and
didn't let them go. When everything is going well I find strong faith in my heart and great faith
in Master. When I have faith in Master I have faith in everything and there is
no problem with anything. When I truly believe and have no fear, my attachments
are far away. Like Master said: "If you are not afraid, the factor that would make you afraid will
cease to exist." Essentials for Further Advancement 2 Master also said: "Everything that the evil has done has actually targeted the
attachments and fears that you have not let go of." - "Eliminate
Your Last Attachment(s)", Essentials
for Further Advancement 2 If I have faith in Master, then I have faith in the Fa and in everything that
I am doing. Without faith, I cannot see anything and I cannot see all the
miracles of Dafa. The miracles are only apparent, when I am in the Fa. Only then
will the characteristics of the universe allow me to see them. Only then will
the Gods, Buddhas and Daos allow it. And only then will I be moving forward. I need to remember that the moment I feel bad, is almost always the exact
moment that I am being tested and also the moment my thoughts are not right. In
that very moment I do not have the desire to cultivate. I want the surrounding
environment to calm down, so that I can calm down, and resume my cultivation in
peace. Then I remember that cultivation does not have any conditions, and I
should not wait for everything to be nice and calm before I do cultivation. These tests are the exact things we need to cultivate. Without them we would
never become magnificent beings. I believe Master is very happy when we do well. I also believe that Master
wants us to achieve the standard for consummation as soon as possible. I will keep moving forward and be more diligent so that I can fulfill the
historical vow I made before history. This is my understanding. Please correct me if you see something improper. I am filled with joy when I think about all of us being here together. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, Master.
Chinese version available at
http://minghui.org/mh/articles/2006/10/1/139038.html
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