Looking Inward Is the Key to Solving Conflicts

By a practitioner in Weifang City, Shandong Province

(Clearwisdom.net) My mother-in-law and I did not get along with each other from the very beginning, and we fought a lot over money. After I got married, I started practicing Falun Dafa. My mother-in-law was then a veteran practitioner. At first, she kept telling me what to do and what not do, and she always wanted me to meet her expectations.

When I look back today I understand her goodwill, which was her hope of helping a newcomer to improve their character in a short period of time and to catch up with the Fa-rectification process, and follow Master to return home. At that time she annoyed me and we did not get along. The more time we spent together the more troubles we had, and our relationship deteriorated. Sometimes we did not just reject the other's criticism and suggestions, but we retaliated by quoting the other's shortcomings and errors and we felt the pleasure of revenge. We were attached to the other's insufficiencies and refused to accept each other.

When I realized that this relationship was not healthy, I tried to find a way out and communicated with a fellow practitioner. My mother-in-law also communicated with other practitioners, and I also wrote to my mother-in-law. The relationship improved while I corrected myself constantly, although conflicts kept popping up. I was troubled and felt that I had run out of ways to improve our relationship without making fundamental changes. Master kept enlightening me, and after continually reading the Fa and looking inward, I learned why the relationship was not improving.

Firstly, I thought that since my mother-in-law was a veteran practitioner with eight years of cultivation experience, she should have better character than me. I wondered why she fought with me since I was a new practitioner with only three-years of cultivation experience. I compared her with other veteran practitioners, and thought her cultivation was not in alignment with the Fa. I now think that Dafa disciples should improve their character continuously regardless of when they start cultivation. The part of us that needs to be cultivated is visible while the part of us that has been completely cultivated is invisible, so we should not just look at others' shortcomings and neglect our own omissions.

Secondly, new practitioners should pay attention to the words of veteran practitioners. Yet, of course we should judge their acts, words, and thoughts based on the Fa. Generally, compared to newcomers, veterans spend more time reading the Fa, and understand the Fa better. We newcomers should listen to their ideas and advice.

Thirdly, there is the fear of conflicts. Actually, it is not that terrible to have a conflict. When a thing or a person touches your heart, it is time to discover your attachment and discard it. Without these problems, without these conflicts, how can you improve your character? Can you improve gong by sitting there in harmony? How can that happen? It would not be right if you just looked at others' omissions instead of looking inward to find your own shortcomings during conflicts. It would be regretful to miss the opportunities to improve yourself again and again.

Looking inward is like a master key. It does not matter if the lock is big, small or tough, if we use the master key to open it. One click and it opens. When I am aware of this, all problems that bother me vanish into thin air.

March 13, 2007

Chinese version available at http://www.minghui.org/mh/articles/2007/3/14/150759.html

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