Stepping Out of Tribulation - One Practitioner's Experience with Illness Karma
By a Falun Dafa practitioner in China
(Clearwisdom.net) Recently, I suddenly appeared to have acute sickness symptoms. I was very
nervous and scared. Initially I had righteous thoughts because I had learned
from past lessons, so I stuck to studying the Fa and doing the
exercises, and I eliminated evil with righteous thoughts. However, because my
faith in Dafa and Teacher was not solid enough, the evil specters took advantage
of that and escalated their persecution. When the pain became more and more
severe, I mistakenly took the interference as "illness." I became
lost, and developed deviated understandings. In "Teaching the Fa at the City of Los Angeles" Teacher
answered a student's question by saying: "If someone really doesn't have strong enough righteous thoughts at
times and really can't endure something anymore, what should he do? Then go
ahead. (Everyone laughs) Yes (Teacher chuckles), go to the
hospital then." My symptoms were so serious, and I couldn't do anything about it, so I
thought, based on Teacher's words above, that I should go to the hospital to
seek a cure. Without realizing it, I misunderstood Teacher's intent. Teacher said in Zhuan Falun: "With too much karma, you will be unable to bear it. If you suffer too
much, you will be unable to practice cultivation." I came to the mis-enlightenment that, since I was in such great pain that I
couldn't do the Three Things, I should first go to the hospital to
solve this problem, so that I could do the Three Things. What Teacher is
actually referring to in that paragraph is that some practitioners heal others'
illnesses and, as a result, they end up incurring karma for themselves, and, if
they incur too much karma, they can't endure it and will be unable to cultivate
any more. Not only did I misunderstand Teacher's words, but also treated the
evil persecution as "pain from illness" and relied on a hospital to
sort things out. I totally dropped to the level of an ordinary person. On the basis of the above incorrect understandings, I came to further think
that the evil was intensifying the illness to persecute me. Therefore, I should
use righteous thoughts to eliminate it, and then the operation would take care
of the illness, and I would then be able do the Three Things well. I created
excuses for myself to agree to the operation. Fellow practitioners told me that these were all "evil
enlightenments," but I couldn't accept that all at once. Fellow
practitioners said I didn't believe in Teacher and the Fa. I replied that it was
not that I didn't believe in Teacher or Dafa, it was due to my limited
cultivation level; I needed to broaden my heart. I was suffering so much. If I
didn't go through with the operation, the pain would torture me so that I couldn't
keep a calm mind or do anything else. In essence, what I did was equal to giving
up cultivation and surrendering to the evil forces. As I prepared for the operation, I appeared to have "extraordinary
symptoms." The medications had no effect whatsoever, and the operation
couldn't be done. It was like that for a few days, and the doctors were very
surprised. At that point, I came to realize that Teacher was trying to wake me
up, exactly when the evil beings from other dimensions were taking advantage of
my loopholes and trying to take away my life. Teacher protected me and woke me
up all of a sudden. I had my family members let fellow practitioners know about my situation, and
asked them to help me understand. If I was under evil enlightenment, I would
rectify myself right away. Even if the suffering caused me to die, I would not
go through with the operation, I would not use any medication, I would be very
firm in getting discharged from the hospital. Fellow practitioners all believed
that it was rotten demons and dark minions persecuting me as opposed to illness,
Teacher gave me a clear hint: I should not have been admitted to the hospital in
the first place. I realized that I was wrong, so I asked to be discharged from the hospital
right away. The following day, I came home from the hospital. I continued doing
the Three Things, I calmed my mind when I studied the Fa, I looked inward to
improve my xinxing, I understood issues from the perspective of the
Fa, and my pain was almost gone. Then, with practitioners' support through
righteous thoughts, one week later, my pain disappeared completely. I was back
to normal. This lesson was very serious. By reflecting on the entire process, I
enlightened to the following: 1. How to keep a steadfast mind There is no such thing as illness to true practitioners. "You do not need to practice such low-level things, and we will push
you beyond it, making your body reach a state free of any illness." "Qigong practice and true cultivation practice will not lead to
illness, particularly under this condition." (Zhuan Falun) There ate a few sentences about this topic in Zhuan Falun, I know them
all. I can also recite some of them. However, confronted with "tremendous
pain," in a situation where the "pain" became more and more
severe, the attachment to fear and other sentimentalities played an active role.
Controlled by dark minions and meddling deities, they tried to confuse and steer
me into deviating from the Fa , making me look for "excuses" in the Fa,
making me consider that my situation was an isolated case, so that it was
alright to not to pass this test. Confronted with tribulations, we must cultivate out all of our attachments
and desires in doing the Three Things. If they exist, they will separate us from
the characteristics of the universe. As soon as we run into problems, they
become very active, controlled by dark minions and meddling deities, and without
noticing, our righteous faith is moved. If we were to completely eliminate them
and improve our xinxing, we would completely melt into Dafa, without any
separation, and the characteristics of the universe would be directly reflected
in us and directly manifested in our bodies, so that we would be able to
understand the Fa from our hearts. "If every one of you can understand the Fa from the depths of your
mind, that will truly be the manifestation of the Fa whose power knows no
boundary--the reappearance of the mighty Buddha Fa in the human world!"
(Essentials for Further Advancement) This kind of steadfastness and righteous faith is by nature different from
any strong and confident ordinary person. It is not something that can be done
by ordinary people, rather, it's a natural result of Dafa practitioners
cultivating themselves and improving their xinxing and level. It's a reflection
of their minds being conscious and their being steadfast and confident . "But the righteous faith of a Dafa disciple is a Godly state. It
results from a rational understanding of the truth, it's the Godly state of
the side that's been successfully cultivated, and it's definitely not
something that external elements can have an effect on." ("Teaching
and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference") After I came to enlighten to these truths, in the course of doing the Three
Things and studying the Fa, I try hard to find my fundamental attachments. I
particularly pay attention to getting rid of my attachments to fear,
selfishness, pursuit, life and death, jealousy, the competitive mentality,
zealotry, and my show-off mentality. After my xinxing improved, my righteous
thoughts became firmer. "One's gong level is as high as one's xinxing
level, and this is an absolute truth." (Zhuan Falun) 2. Why didn't my pain go away? How I overcame feeling pain The more fearful of pain I became, the more pain I felt, until it became a
vicious cycle. At that point, I became more anxious. "They keep pursuing
it, and in the end, the results turn out to be just the opposite." (Zhuan
Falun) When I sent righteous thoughts, I couldn't calm down; when I did the
exercises, I couldn't stand straight. I kept changing positions from sitting
down to standing up. The pain forced me to keep running in the same place. I
recited the Fa repeatedly, and that didn't work. I became more anxious, and my
righteous thoughts grew less and less, and the pain became stronger and
stronger. Besides my attachment to fear and anxiety, I also completely got
bogged down with the tribulation. Even though I knew how to get rid of my
attachment to fear and let go of my anxieties by keeping strong righteous
thoughts (even though I didn't make it), everything I did was to get rid of the
pain quickly, which was a strong attachment. Later, after I let go of this
attachment and began to think out of the tribulation and take a step back from
the tribulation, a very relaxed feeling surrounded me, and I felt that I was
full of righteous thoughts. At that time, righteous thoughts had a great effect. I felt that the pain was also a human attachment. When there is certain type
of pain, certain human attachments and karma go with it. The more painful it is,
the stronger the corresponding attachments are. First of all, I should eliminate
the attachment to "pain." This is fundamental, which is also a process
of looking inward and cultivating myself. "Cultivation practice itself is not difficult, and neither is
upgrading one's level itself difficult. It is because they cannot give up the
human mind that they call it difficult." (Zhuan Falun) During the process of eliminating the attachment to "pain," we
should have a heart of great forbearance, and we should be able to suffer
hardship on top of hardship. No matter how severe the pain is and how long it
lasts, we should never surrender to it. "If you can commit your mind, no
difficulties can stop you. I would say that there is not a problem." (Zhuan
Falun) By using our righteous thoughts to eliminate the evils, the pain will
disappear. To send righteous thoughts and recite the Fa solely for the purpose
of getting rid of "pain" is actually looking outward, and then even
such scared things as sending righteous thoughts and reciting the Fa become
methods at an ordinary person's level, and they will not have a good effect. I
studied the Fa with human notions, sent righteous thoughts with human
attachments. How could it accomplish anything, trying to eliminate the
attachment to fear with an attachment to fear? Eliminating evil with righteous thoughts doesn't happen with the mindset of
"anxiously achieving the outcome." This is a human attachment, as
opposed to righteous thoughts, which can't eliminate evil. Only when we let go
of all the human attachments and eliminate the evil in calmness can we
demonstrate this great power. 3. Why do we encounter such tribulations? How do we negate the tribulations
arranged by the old forces? My family's medical history; the results of ultrasounds; day-to-day
"symptoms;" occasionally "getting sick;" and repetitive
"persuasion with nice words" from relatives, friends and doctors are
all arranged by the old forces in detail, causing me to form such notions as
"illness." Studying the Fa, even though I considered that this was an
illusion caused by the elements of the old forces, should negate these notions.
Due to my not being able to cultivate very diligently, however, I still had
confusion buried deeply in my thoughts. This confusion was the root cause of my
being unable to be steadfast in Dafa. It was because there was fame,
self-interest, and sentimentality existing very deep in my thoughts. It was they
that separated me from Dafa. The dark minions and meddling deities seized this
loophole and did whatever they wanted, inviting the tribulation. In facing such
a tribulation, one should negate it completely. Any unorganized and forced persecution is against the law, and even
disallowed in the old cosmos. If we were truly able to negate all the
arrangements by the old forces, then this tribulation would not exist. Even
though I tried to negate the old forces arrangements, how come it didn't work?
Because I was trying to negate it with an attachment to fear and other human
attachments. The true negating of the old forces arrangements is different than
what ordinary people can do; it is negating while letting go of all human
attachments. This is a Dafa practitioner showing his divine side. As long as
there are attachments, dark minions and meddling deities will take advantage and
carry out persecution. They seize upon your loopholes and then they make you
recognize the persecution. To truly negate all arrangements by the old forces
completely, it must be done without any human attachments. When I gradually
began to the do the Three Things, the effect of negating the old forces
gradually took hold. The above-mentioned three points can all be summarized as follows: At
different stages and levels of Fa-rectification, when we do the Three Things, no
matter what we run into, we should absolutely look inside unconditionally,
improve our level continuously, understand the Fa from the Fa's perspective, and
hold ourselves firmly to the standards of Dafa so that we can walk the last leg
of our divine journey well.
Chinese version available at
http://www.minghui.org/mh/articles/2007/4/10/152433.html
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