Attachments Lurking Behind a Calm Demeanor
(Clearwisdom.net) Recently, I hid at my sister's house for two days
because I failed to guard my xinxing following a minor
conflict with a fellow practitioner who works with me. I returned home after my
mind had cleared. Others were not able to understand my extreme behavior,
because they had previously thought I did not generally fight with others even
when someone points out my shortcomings, and that I seemed very tolerant of
others. Why did I get so angry? After Master gave me some benevolent hints and
after discussing it with fellow practitioners, I was gradually able to recognize
what was behind my calm surface demeanor: an attachment to fame and personal
gain. Before I started to cultivate, almost no one was able to interpret my real
feelings from my facial expressions. I had always thought that this was my
biggest personality asset, which kept me from having my feelings hurt, and I was
very proud of this. After I started to cultivate, this deviated mentality was still deeply rooted
in my personality. On the surface, I seemed to never panic or fight with others,
but deep down inside, I was very upset, still holding on tightly to my
attachments and refusing to change. Since I did not openly argue with others, my
fellow cultivators thought that I was cultivating well and I felt proud when
they commented that I never argued. In fact, this was all pretense until now
because I have not cultivated this part of myself very well. This time, my conflict with that fellow practitioner touched my deeply-hidden
attachments to fame and personal gain. My blood was boiling, and I could not
pretend any longer. I no longer cared how the other practitioner thought of me
or about my responsibility as a Dafa practitioner, and I ran away from the
problem in the end. Recalling this incident, I recognize that it was very dangerous, because I
had not genuinely cultivated away this attachment and had left a huge gap! I
want to sincerely thank our great Master for his benevolence towards his
disciples. Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
Chinese version available at
http://www.minghui.org/mh/articles/2007/6/5/156306.html
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