Cultivating Ourselves During the Fa-Rectification Period
Greetings revered Teacher! Greetings fellow practitioners! My sharing topic is "Cultivating Ourselves during the Fa-rectification
Period". Since I started to practice Falun Gong in 1997, I have experienced
many tribulations and deeply understand that Dafa is hard to attain. Due to the
attachment to fame, I once deviated from Dafa. I was both physically and
mentally worn out. By chance, I received truth-clarifying materials through
email, which contained a link to Pure Insight. Teacher's new articles awakened
my long sealed memory after I read them voraciously. When I decided to return to
Dafa, I searched my heart: "Can I be determined in cultivation? If not,
then I should close this website." A voice came from my heart, "I
can!" At that instant, I knew that I would never give up Dafa. After arriving in Canada, from my progress in learning the Fa, I understood
that doing well the 'three things" is paramount for Dafa disciples. This is
Teacher's requirement, so we must do it unconditionally. However, when I set my
heart on doing Dafa things and clarifying the truth, some invisible pressure
almost suffocated me. I didn't understand. When fellow practitioners invited me
to join in a Fa rectification project, I just couldn't say "yes." I
knew this attitude was not right, but ambivalence consumed me. Whenever I
ventured to tell my wife that I was going to participate in a Dafa activity that
day, she would always object loudly. I felt that the family obstacle was my
fatal test for cultivation. At that time, it was really hard for me to pass this
test. What can be done? Is this my cultivation way? Meanwhile, my human thoughts
came out, "I can't go out anyway. Why do I have to do that? I can just stay
home. Family harmony is also harmonizing with the Fa." But I knew that this
thought was wrong. Even though I couldn't pass the test, I wanted to overcome
the problem and made up my mind that I must break through this state. Teacher
said, "The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa
can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts."
(Essentials for Further Advancement II: "Drive Out Interference") I knew that I could only pass this test by studying the Fa, so I started to
recite Zhuan Falun. I recite the Fa whenever I'm eating,
walking, and even shopping with my wife. She complained, "It is so
exasperating to go shopping with you. You are so dull." But I feel that I
have dissolved into the Fa. One day, my wife suddenly said to me, "There was a report on the news
that the city government asked to tear down the Falun Gong exhibition boards,
which are in front of Chinese embassy." One thought came to mind,
"This is July 20 in Vancouver. I missed the July 20 in China and I can't
miss this chance again." The next day, I went to the Chinese embassy to
send righteous thoughts and then every day after that during my lunchtime. While
sitting in front of the boards, I felt inviolable and majestic. Later on, many
attachments came out, such as fear of being laughed at, fearing embassy officers
taking pictures of me and even thinking that, "I can't calm down here. Why
not stay in my car to send righteous thoughts?" Fortunately, I knew this
thought was not mine. No matter whether I could calm down or not to send
righteous thoughts, as long as I sat there it was eliminating evil elements and
validating the Fa. I held out for two weeks, and my righteous thoughts became
much stronger. Before, whenever I wanted to go out and clarify the truth, I felt
that something had seized my heart, and I knew that it was the old forces
forbidding me to step forward. But now that feeling was gone. I started to
participate in group study, and join some Dafa projects. While thinking about how to do more things to validate Dafa, there was a
practitioner who needed a lift to distribute the English version of Epoch Times
in downtown Vancouver. I offered to take over this role myself. Rectifying the
Fa usually comes with tests in personal cultivation. Shortly after I started
delivering the newspapers, some people told me, "It is too easy, even a
student can do it. You are highly educated and have a respected job. Aren't you
ashamed to do this?" These words directly targeted my human heart. I have
always believed in my own superiority. I am able to do what others cannot do.
But right now I have to get up early to deliver newspapers. These thoughts
really moved me. I realized that it was the fear of losing face and my
reputation, and it was time to give up the attachment. Teacher said, "Did you know that in order to save you the Buddha once begged for
food among everyday people?" (Essentials for Further Advancement:
"True Cultivation") I am a Dafa practitioner. Can't I give up this attachment? I am doing Dafa
things, clarifying the truth, and fulfilling the vows I made long ago to
Teacher. No job in human society can equal such an honorable and sacred Dafa
thing. In winter it gets light late and it's always rainy. Hence, it was
inconvenient to deliver newspapers. There is no shelter from the rain in some
apartments, so the newspapers could get wet. At this moment, there is always
someone coming out and saying, "You can put the newspaper inside."
However, I didn't pay attention to this interesting perspective. One day, I
delivered the newspapers, with Teacher's new article "My Thanks to Sentient
Beings Who Have Sent Greetings", but I couldn't find a clean place to put
them. I looked at Teacher's picture thinking about what I should do. I have to
let sentient beings read Teacher's article that was written for them. Suddenly,
the door opened, and a man took one newspaper. I immediately realized that
nothing is by coincidence. After each time I deliver newspapers, my body is
energized. It seems like we are assisting Teacher in Fa-rectification, but we
can't imagine how much Teacher give us. Since I just deliver and distribute
newspapers, I don't know how many people read them or what the feedback is. But
what I know is that each paper is the result of painstaking efforts of fellow
practitioners and it contains positive energy, which surely can awaken sentient
beings. Meanwhile, family obstacles didn't change. Whenever I get home after doing
Dafa things, my wife would shout and yell at me and ask me to move out. I
thought about moving out, but Teacher said: "As for divorce, I've told you to conform to ordinary society as much
as possible; today, whether it's getting divorced or getting married, I won't
say anything. I discuss things in terms of Fa's principles. But I'll tell you,
those things won't be allowed in the future." (Teaching the Fa at the
Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students) I understand that Dafa practitioners' cultivation path will remain for the
future. If I divorced, it will give people a poor impression of Dafa. Hence, I
try to follow Teacher's words, "...not fighting back when punched or insulted."(Zhuan Falun). As long as I am home, I'll do housework as much as I can. But there are still
some times that I cannot maintain my xinxing well. I used to think that
family obstacles help me to elevate my xinxing, and there must be some
aspects that I need to cultivate here. It is this setting in which I am to
cultivate myself. Because I acknowledge the arrangement of the old forces, I am
trapped in family tribulations and cannot free myself. The family obstacles take
up a lot of my time and effort, and as a result, I cannot participate in Dafa
activities. Once, I returned home after helping to promote the NTDTV Chinese New Year
Gala in a mall. My wife pushed me out of the house. I instantly understood that
affection was the attachment that led to greater tribulations. I must take a big
step to break through the tribulations. Buddha embodies compassion as well as
dignity. If family conflicts hinder Fa-rectification, then it is not arranged by
Teacher. The Gala plays an important role in saving sentient beings, so everyone
needs to participate. Promoting the Gala is an inherent duty. If I moved out, I
could devote all my efforts to assimilate to what Teacher wants. I eventually moved out. When two colleagues bought tickets from me, I knew I
was right. I cannot save only one person but miss the chance to save many
sentient beings. On the other hand, I still couldn't save her as I did before.
While promoting the Gala, I truly felt that it was so sacred to harmonize the Fa
and save sentient beings. I found my cultivation path while assisting Teacher to
rectify the Fa. Hence, I continued selling tickets in shopping centers every
day. I used to think I gave up the attachments of jealousy and competitive
mentality. However, while promoting the Gala, these human attachments emerged
again. Teacher said, "...I will use any troubles or unpleasant things you come across--even
if they involve work for Dafa, or no matter how good or sacred you think they
are--to eliminate your attachments and expose your demon-nature so that it can
be eliminated..."(Essentials for Further Advancement: "Further
Understanding") "...I can't just let you work without reaching Consummation."
(Essentials for Further Advancement: "A Person in Charge is Also a
Cultivator") During that period, the attachment to affection emerged, and I was thinking
of my son. It is not easy to give up the attachment to affection, because it
will give you the wrong impression and create a kind of illusion. Without
Teacher's Fa, I would get myself deeply in trouble. Before, I refused to move
out of the house. One of the reasons was that I believed my son was coming to
the Fa. If I moved out, he probably would lose the opportunity to attain Dafa.
Now I understand it actually was the attachment of affection. Teacher said in Zhuan
Falun, "You can't interfere with other people's lives, you can't control
their fates, be it your wife's, your kid's, your parents', or your sibling's.
Is that something you decide?" Although I left home, I still wanted my wife to watch NTDTV's Spectacular.
Since there was such an enormous energy field present during the performance,
she may be saved after watching it. In the beginning, she strongly refused to
watch the spectacular. I tried to give up my attachment. The day before the
performance, I told her, "I bought the ticket as a gift for you. Even
though you won't show up, I'll still keep the seat for you." Perhaps
because her true self awakened, she came to watch the show on the second day. In
the beginning, she scowled and jeered. I then asked Teacher to strengthen my
righteous thoughts to eliminate any evil elements. She gradually calmed down and
watched the show quietly. On the way back home, she said nothing. It seemed like
her mind was blank. I realized even more Teacher's enormous compassion. Now my
wife understands Dafa things that practitioners do. She even told me, "You
can do what you want. I'll never stand in your way." Once she told my son,
"Your Dad is saving people. Don't bother him." After breaking through this tribulation, I thought about why the family
obstacle was so hard to overcome. I think it must have been the arrangement of
the old forces. There are similarities between the suffering that I experienced
to break through this family conflict and the persecution of fellow
practitioners in labor camps in China. Even though it was not as evil as
practitioners' suffering in China, the methods coincided. On the other hand, I
didn't have a deep enough understanding of the Fa-rectification and hadn't given
up the attachment of fear. Teacher said, "The old forces have arranged for all Dafa disciples a set of their
things, so if a Dafa disciple doesn't follow Master's requirements, he must be
following the old forces' arrangements." (Teacher's Recent Writings and
Speeches: "Be Clearheaded") After searching inside, I found several problems: First, I didn't truly understand what the mission is of Dafa disciples of the
Fa-rectification period. With the attachment to fear, I didn't do the three
things well. Teacher said: "Let's take the matter of the family, or the affection between husband
and wife, or any of a number of other things. Have you looked at these things
based on the Fa? Have you truly treated him as if you were being compassionate
to a sentient being? If you really had, perhaps things wouldn't be as they are
today. If on the home front your conduct looks completely like that of an
ordinary person, then it's possible you will encounter this sort of thing.
Nothing is simple. If you can truly let go of your attachments, and if
attachments have no sway over you, then the conflicts will vanish like a wisp
of smoke." ("Teaching the Fa in San Francisco, 2005") Before, when I read this part of the Fa, I thought it was not referring to
me. Now I realize that I was afraid to irritate the family and thought they
would consider me mentally unstable, so I had never sent righteous thoughts in
front of my wife. I even tried to study the Fa without her presence. I clarified
the truth to her only when conflicts emerged. As a result, she thought that I
didn't take cultivation seriously, and that if she pressured me, I would give up
practicing Dafa. From the viewpoint of ordinary people, she thought the more
ferocious she was, the harder it would be for me to practice, and eventually I
would change my mind and give up. However, looking from other dimensions, the
old force used this as an excuse to hold on to me and arranged for me to go
through their destructive tests. Teacher said, "Do not think that others will fail to understand you if you learn
Dafa. Think about it: Even people's claim that they have evolved from apes is
able to be highly regarded. Yet with this great Dafa of the universe, you are
embarrassed to give it a correct position--this is human beings' true
shame." (Essentials for Further Advancement:
"Environment") Furthermore, there are many attachments that I didn't notice, especially the
attachment to affection. I used to think I already care less about them. But now
I realize that what I did before was use Teacher's words as an excuse to conceal
the attachment to emotion. Harmonizing family life is neither compromising
without principle nor ingratiating oneself. We should do the three things well,
improve our xinxing, assimilate to the characteristics of the universe,
and attain selflessness, placing others ahead of oneself. We can change the
environment by our enormous compassion. At the same time, I realize that whether
a Dafa disciple believes in Teacher and the Fa is a fundamental issue. Also, I
understand the significance of our responsibilities in saving sentient beings. I
have many regrets in doing the three things. I hope that through experience
sharing at this Fa conference I will learn from fellow practitioners, find out
my shortcomings and return with Master to reach Consummation. This is my personal understanding; fellow practitioners please kindly correct
any shortcomings. I sincerely thank Teacher. Thank you, fellow practitioners.
Chinese version available at
http://minghui.org/mh/articles/2007/5/29/155800.html
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