(Clearwisdom.net) I began cultivating in Falun Dafa in July 1998. Previous to that I had been sick in bed for three years. I was so thin and weak, and all my internal organs were diseased. Doctors seemed unable to cure me. They told me the only thing I could do was to go home and get bed rest. During that period of time I tried some qigong. It did not help at all. I wanted to commit suicide three times because of unbearable pain. [Editor's note: The teachings of Falun Gong forbid killing, including committing suicide and self-injury.] But each time I saw my young son, I gave up that suicidal thought. I was struggling and suffering. One day my neighbors, Uncle and Aunt Ma came to visit me and gave me a copy of the book Zhuan Falun. They suggested I try practicing Falun Gong. I told them of my previous unsuccessful experience with qigong practice, and that I was no longer interested in qigong. But Uncle Ma kept encouraging me to try reading the book first.
After they left I unintentionally picked up Zhuan Falun, and I could not stop reading it once I started. Before I finished half of the book I already thought, "This is not qigong at all! These are heavenly principles!" I decided to start practicing Falun Gong. My mother and my husband fully supported me. I asked my husband to take me to buy Dafa books in the city. My mother and my husband thought I was just saying it. They wondered, "She cannot even stand up, how can she go to the city?"
But the next day a miracle happened. I was not only able to get up, but was also able to walk to the bus station. We did not call a taxi after reaching the city, to save money. We walked. My husband worried about me walking so far. I said, "I am fine. Let's keep walking." Just like that, we went to three or four bookstores. We only had one last book to look for. My husband said, "It is OK without this last book." But I did not want to give up. I wanted to have them all. He said, "You go ahead then. I really can't walk any more."
I walked for another half an hour and came to another bookstore and found the last book I was looking for. When we returned home, my husband could not believe it. He kept saying, "Dafa is miraculous!"
The next day I went to the practice site and started practicing Falun Gong. A month later I was able to push a cart to the market to buy food.
Many friends and relatives, classmates, coworkers and even people in the market asked me, surprised, "Not too long ago we heard you were very sick. Now, you are coming out to buy groceries. What kind of miracle medicine have you taken?" I told them, "I did not take any medicines. It is all because I started practicing Falun Gong." Many people witnessed the miracle that happened to me and completely believed in Dafa. Many of them became Falun Gong practitioners.
On July 20, 1999, the evil Chinese Communist Party (CCP) began persecuting Falun Gong. The persecutors investigated me. Every night six strong men "guarded" my door. During the day, when I went to buy food, three men with electric batons and mobile phones monitored me. They confiscated my identification card and would not let me leave. These people monitored me for over a month. Then someone from the Residence Committee office and a female police officer monitored me. I was under home supervision for a year.
In the summer of 2000 my family moved to the city. No matter where I go, I always firmly protect the Fa, because assisting Master in Fa-rectification and saving sentient beings is my mission. Not too long after my move, I got to know many fellow practitioners and began receiving truth-clarifying materials and CDs. I also received Master's new lectures. When I went out to work during the day I always took some materials with me. I left some in the market, in people's bicycle baskets, in lockers of public bathing places, and on park benches. At night I went to residential areas to distribute materials and CDs. I found names and addresses from magazines and newspapers and then mailed letters to explain the facts. I called, using phone numbers I could find. Whenever I had an opportunity I also put up stickers to clarify the truth.
I explained the facts to acquaintances face to face. When I was financially able, I went to visit relatives and my hometown with truth-clarification materials, so many predestined people could get a chance to know Dafa, and many deceived people could understand the facts.
During the past several years I have tried my best to continue to clarify the truth. But I always get the feeling that I didn't do as well as fellow practitioners I read about in the "Minghui Weekly." As the Fa-rectification rapidly advances, I will try harder to do well the three things so I can truly be considered a Falun Gong practitioner during the Fa-rectification period.
Although I used different approaches to explain the truth, I suddenly became aware that I had not gotten good results when clarifying the truth face to face. One night I read the following passage in Zhuan Falun:
"Sakyamuni said that one should chant the scripture with a righteous mind and undivided attention in order to shake the paradise of his cultivation practice. Only then can a great enlightened person be invited." (Lecture Five in Zhuan Falun)
After I read this Fa paragraph I realized that if a cultivator has righteous thoughts, a great enlightened being would be invited. I am a person walking on the path to godhood and am a Dafa practitioner in the Fa-rectification period. My conduct and thoughts are supposed to move sentient beings' hearts to have them saved. Why couldn't I do it?
When facing conflicts we should look inward. I became introspective and recalled my words and actions when I had explained the facts. I finally found the root cause for being less than successful with my efforts. During that period of time several fellow practitioners were arrested. I thought, "I cannot tell people my Fa-studying experiences and miracles. If they know I practice Falun Gong and report me, it would bring trouble. What would I do if I was arrested?" I "worried" about things for myself every day. How selfish that was! With this attachment to ego while explaining the facts, how could my thoughts be righteous and pure? The absence of a pure field means I had not cultivated well, and my words would not be strong and powerful. How could sentient beings feel Dafa's compassion? I would thus be unable to reach the goal of saving sentient beings.
Later I bravely told people of my own Fa-study experiences and about practicing the exercises, which helped many people understand the truth, and convinced them to withdraw from the evil CCP. This taught me that only when we let go of ourselves will sentient beings have an opportunity for salvation.
Cultivation involves eliminating attachments and human notions, so we can transcend the human realm. Otherwise, the evil old forces could take advantage of us and magnify our attachments and make us fall.
The old forces did take advantage of my omissions for a while because I was not strict with myself. I started pursuing recognition and money, and wanted to make more money in order to change my living environment. I thought about how to make more money every day. I spent very little time studying the Fa and practicing the exercises, and I could not calm down when sending righteous thoughts. I seldom clarified the truth. I really dropped down to the human realm. For a while I became sick and weak again. One morning after I got up and made the bed, I felt weak and stopped to rest. While resting I heard a voice saying, "You should melt into the Fa!" I turned my head and did not see anyone. I suddenly realized, "Isn't this our benevolent Master giving me a hint?" My eyes filled with tears, and I did not know how to express my gratitude to Master. After that I let go of my attachments, reaffirmed my belief and returned to Dafa cultivation. When I did not understand some of the Fa principles, Master always gave me hints to help me improve. During the past several years the persecutors have searched for my books once and searched my house once. Master always gave me hints and helped me safely transfer my books and truth-clarifying materials.
During the eight years of my cultivation I sometimes had hesitation and I experienced laziness. But Master always helped me during critical times and protected me. I firmly believe that as long as we follow what Master asks us to do, if we strengthen our righteous thoughts and try our best to do the "three things" well, we will be able to return with Master to our true, wonderful and pure homes.
