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Cultivating Oneself and Eliminating the Thought to Change Others
By a practitioner from Hebei Province
(Clearwisdom.net) I've cultivated for nine years and have just now
realized a strong attachment - my desire to change others. For a long time, I
focused on where other practitioners fell short. I became attached to their
attachments and frequently wanted to point them out so that they could improve.
Even worse, when I pointed out other practitioners' problems, it was as if I
were lecturing to grade school kids. I was afraid the others could not
understand me, so I carefully shared with that practitioner every single point
from the Fa. Perhaps this has to do with habits acquired from my former profession. I was
a grade school teacher in the past. I sometimes unwittingly place myself above
others and try to force other practitioners to accept my perspective. When
sharing ideas with others, I did so with a tone of offering guidance and
direction. If other practitioners could not live up to my expectations, I would
become impatient and the tone of my voice got less gentle. Sometimes I even
sounded like I was giving orders. This has resulted in many conflicts between
other practitioners and myself. Even so, I did not realize it was time to search
within myself. I thought I was doing something good for them, and it is for
their own benefit to improve. I would think to myself, "There is nothing
wrong with me. You are unhappy now but will understand me later." I did not
care how others treated me and thought I was being responsible for the Fa. Now I realize that this was going to an extreme. Why couldn't I point out
other practitioners' shortcomings more gently and kindly? I should help them to
truly recognize it, but at the same time, not offend them. Wouldn't this be
better? It would require us to follow Master's words: to mind the tone of voice,
extend our compassion, explain the points well, and not become attached to
others' attachments. We should point out problems to fellow practitioners, but
not seek results. Let me use several stories to illustrate how I reached this understanding. Several years ago, I joined several Dafa projects and became a coordinator.
At that time, I did not study the Fa well. Many human notions still remained
when I validated the Fa. There was a major coordinator in our county who did not
study the Fa enough and therefore encountered severe interference. I was worried
and tried all that I could to help him improve. I asked him to come out and
study the Fa with us, visited his home to study the Fa with him, and organized
other practitioners to take turns to study the Fa with him at his home. These
actions did not resolve his problem, but instead caused conflicts within his
family. I still did not recognize the need to search inside myself, and even
though I thought it could have been caused by my attachment, I could not
cultivate firmly to eliminate my human notions. Three years have passed. I kept
bumping into the same kind of conflicts and refused to give up. Every practitioner who attended a particular Fa study group had been very
diligent. They did well in distributing truth clarification materials and
carrying out other Dafa work. However as projects piled up, they were short on
people. Fewer and fewer practitioners attended the group Fa study. Eventually,
no one came. When sending forth righteous thoughts and doing the exercises, a
majority of the group became sleepy and unfocused. Conflicts arose from the lack
of Fa study and from interference from the evil elements. This in turn created
more obstacles for group Fa study and practice. I became worried and restless
again upon seeing all this and started to discuss the problem with these
practitioners. I became attached to their attachments and wanted to solve the
problem with my efforts, asking practitioners to get rid of their human notions
to raise their level. I forgot that everything comes from the power of Master
and the Fa. I forgot that Master has told us to search for our own attachments
when we see other people in conflict. I, on the contrary, went a long way to study the Fa and practice the
exercises with other practitioners, with the purpose of mobilizing them to form
a group study environment. I placed myself above them. I was unaware of my
strong will to guide others until one day when a practitioner told me, "It
is you who caused this situation. You are too attached to them. The more you are
attached, the more severe the interference." It suddenly became clear to me
how horrible it was for me to foster my human thoughts. I disagreed with another senior assistant in our county on several Dafa
projects. The conflict stood out, and it interfered with the group's
coordination and the effort of saving sentient beings. This persisted for a long
time. I tried hard to search inside myself. Many of my attachments were
discarded, but I also wanted her [the assistant] to do the same to improve her
level. I was truly hoping the best for her and for the group from my heart.
However, the conflict continued because I did not give up the intention to
change others. Several days ago, I arranged for her to talk with practitioners from other
areas, hoping that she would change her view. When those practitioners mentioned
things related to her human notions, I thought, "Now she should get it. She
should change this time." When I later found a chance to speak to her again
to point out her problem, to my surprise, she lost her temper. I calmly listened
to her and was not angry at all. I thought my cultivation status was not bad.
How come the other practitioner did not want to search inside herself a bit?
Well, it was actually I who was not looking inside. Once again, my attachment to
changing others surfaced. Why do I always do things with the purpose of changing
others? Why am I so attached to those results? Didn't Master tell us
"Doing, but without pursuit"? Why couldn't I follow that teaching? Why
do I always wish to change others but not myself? Am I truly cultivating? My attachment created disharmony and tension within the group. I was puzzled
and went to talk to a fellow practitioner. She knew my thoughts before I had
said a word and went ahead to share with me her past lessons of being attached
to others' attachments. Her words made me clearly see my attachment and helped me eliminate it in its
entirety. I understand that every practitioner is looked after by Master. We
only need to examine our hearts and improve ourselves when conflicts and
problems arise. We should help other practitioners in a kind way, but not become
attached to the result. Everything will be resolved when we let Master take
charge.
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