Teacher Leads Me to Embark on the Path of Cultivation
By a practitioner from Jiangsu Province
(Clearwisdom.net) 1. Teacher Shows Me the Way Before I learned to practice Falun Dafa, I was an atheist. I liked to read
books since I was a child. However, everything that I read was Communist Party
dogma. Therefore, I followed the Party to completely negate all the prophets and
sages, whether Chinese or foreign, ancient or contemporary. I established a way
of thinking that was extremely conceited. As a result, I would either turn up my
nose at them or arrogantly laugh at them or criticize them. My health was pretty good as a whole. However, during the winter of 1997 and
the following spring, I suffered from a cold, and medicine failed to work. One
of my colleagues lent me a copy of Zhuan Falun, saying that
it was a remarkable book, a book from heaven. He also said that if I could
accept it then I could start to learn the exercises. I always thought that
qigong was similar to sports and had never heard that practicing qigong required
reading books. What's more, he said that Zhuan Falun was a "book
from heaven." I was very curious, so I took the book and went back home to
read. I was surprised to find that the language in the book was easy to
understand, and I was moved when I read about the principles of
"Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance." However, I did not believe
some other things in it such as the "Sixfold Path of Reincarnation."
Therefore, I returned the book, saying that I could not accept what it said. A few days later, I came across another colleague who was also a Falun Gong
practitioner. She learned that I had finished reading the book, so she said,
"Now let me teach you the first set of exercises." I declined, saying
that I did not have time. She said, "One set of exercises only takes about
ten minutes, so you only need to squeeze in a little bit of time." At the
time, I was new to my workplace and her husband was my boss. I thought that if I
refused, it would be considered as not showing respect for her feelings and that
she would be not happy. Under such circumstances, I decided to learn the
exercises with her. I imitated her standing stance. When I first stood in the
position, I felt something enter my lower abdomen and Falun began turning. The
phenomenon described in Zhuan Falun, which I did not believe before, did
appear. Strangely, I did not have any fear. I was amazed and decided to begin to
practice Falun Gong. Otherwise, I thought that I would really let Teacher down.
Therefore, I went to the bookshop and bought a copy of Zhuan Falun. Teacher purified my body shortly after I learned the exercises. At a group
exercise site not long after that, Teacher let me see with my celestial eye. I
began to reconsider my viewpoint of atheism. Was atheism correct? Why would I
believe in atheism? Where did this concept of atheism come from? Was it my own
understanding? I began to pay attention to the religious phenomena that I had
not seriously looked at before. I was very much surprised to find that I had
never given any consideration to such obvious facts. Why do eighty percent of
the people in the world believe in religion? Were our forefathers, who created
such a splendid civilization, really superstitious and ignorant? If theism is
superstition and anti-science then why do the Western countries, that represent
the most advanced science, all believe in religions? Why did the greatest
scientists in the world, including Einstein and Newton, all believe in God? We all know that the relationship between cause and effect is the fundamental
essence of all things and is inevitable. Why does Buddhism dare to say,
"Everything has cause and effect?" Atheism always uses the term
"natural phenomenon" to put people off, in an attempt to stop people
from thinking. I emerged from the misunderstanding of theism and embarked on the
path to truly understanding the universe and life: the path of cultivation. Though I had embarked on the path of cultivation, my understanding of the
Fa was very shallow at the beginning. First, my purpose for learning
the exercises was to cure my illnesses. Gradually, this kind of thinking
changed. I began to want to be a good person, a better person. Regrettably, my
understanding of the Fa was still shallow, since I had only started to study the
Fa. Therefore, I was still using human concepts to look at things. When the
persecution of Falun Dafa began, I still considered it to be a persecution of
human beings and that the evil Party was being utterly unreasonable. So, at the
time when Teacher and Dafa were being slandered, I did not step forward to
protect Teacher and rectify the Fa. I failed to do what a practitioner must do. 2. I Should Not Let Any Family Members Misunderstand Falun Dafa Simply
Because I Was Not Doing Well In the first stage of my cultivation, my tests mainly came from family
conflicts. My mother-in-law was a farmer and was in poor health. She placed
great hope in me, her daughter-in-law. My husband has quite a few sisters who
all cared very much about what I said and did. Since the time I was a child, I lived away from my hometown with my parents,
so I was accustomed to that kind of freedom. I had little knowledge of moral
principles and the common knowledge of daily life. As a result, there were a lot
of misunderstandings and conflicts in the family. Since it was a big family and
many family members lived together, small conflicts usually intensified. Members
of the family were not satisfied with one another. My mother suffered from depression and she was a bit muddle-headed; it was
very difficult for her son and daughter-in-law to bear. Therefore, a lot of
family chores fell on my shoulders. This included bathing my mother and doing
the laundry. Mother liked to blame others. She continuously blamed me and got of
out of control. I knew it was a test that I must do well and must pass. I was
trying to do well, but felt it was very hard, especially when my human
attachments were provoked. However, I knew that I must do it well and must not
let any of my family members misunderstand Falun Dafa simply because I did not
do well. In the past, if my aunts showed dissatisfaction with me, I would feel uneasy
for a long time. Now I responded with a smile and looked inward. Whenever
someone in the family ran into financial difficulty, I would try to help support
them on my own accord. Soon, none of my aunts had any problems with me. Instead,
they all liked to talk to me and asked for my opinion whenever they had things
that they could not decide. One day after I learned to practice Falun Dafa, my mother was not happy with
me. She said coldly, "Falun Gong asks people not to show filial respect to
their parents." I was very much shocked and hurried to tell her that our
Teacher asked us to show filial respect to parents and treat our parents well.
Thereafter when she blamed me she would say, "From my observation you do
not look like a Falun Gong practitioner." I must cultivate myself well. Sometimes I recite silently what Teacher said
at the end of Zhuan Falun: "It's hard to endure, but you can endure it. It's hard to do, but you
can do it." I let go of my attachment bit by bit, and my forbearance also improved, from
forbearing with tears to forbearing with tolerance. I feel that my tolerance
level has gradually improved and I am able to be more tolerant of other people. I also stopped complaining. I tried to understand my mother from her point of
view, and gradually I felt that I was able to do so. My mother had had a very
miserable childhood, which had greatly harmed her personality, especially
causing her loneliness. She needed to be respected. Sometimes I read Zhuan
Falun to her. She would say, "Teacher Li is really great! Falun Dafa is
really great!" She had no schooling at all and only learned to read and
write a few words at work. Sometimes she would try to read Zhuan Falun by
herself and would spend half a day, but only read a few lines. She had never
read any book or newspaper before. However, the good thing was that she could
remember some words from Zhuan Falun. She would say, "I did not do
well. I have an attachment." The most amazing thing was that she often
said, "Ah, I haven't obtained the Fa." I had never mentioned to her
the words "obtaining the Fa." Mother's spirit was getting much better.
She never said again that I did not look like a Falun Dafa practitioner. She
even tried to persuade other family members to learn Falun Dafa and would not
allow anyone in the family to say anything disrespectful about Falun Dafa. Father told me one of his experiences. He said that he often chatted with a
group of people. They would always sigh with regret about the rampant corruption
in China. One day, one person said angrily, "Nowadays there are no good
people anymore." Father said, "Yes, there are good people!" They
asked in unison, "Who?" Father got closer to them, lowered his voice
and said, "Falun Dafa." No one denied it. In the past, I had an unbalanced mentality. Therefore, even if I put in a lot
of hard work, my brothers' wives were still guarded against me. Now I have a
carefree mentality, and they all feel very happy and relaxed. When I
clarify the truth to them, they all like to listen. There are about
a dozen families from both my parents' side and my husband's side. They all
agreed that Falun Dafa is good and all quit the CCP, the Youth League, and the
Young Pioneers. Before I learned Falun Dafa, I had very strong attachments to money and
material goods. Before I possessed them, I would not contend for them. However,
once I owned them, I would act like a miser. After learning Falun Dafa, I often
felt that this attachment still tightly surrounded me. Whenever it came up, I
would study the Fa and try to let go of the attachment. However, each time,
there were still remnants of the attachment there. I was a bit worried and
Teacher would give me hints. Later on, I found that the reason was that deep in
my heart I was still reluctant to let go of human life. Therefore, my letting go
had conditions. Since the attachment was always there, I began to develop a
mentality of fear that affected my cultivation and interfered with me going out
to clarify the truth to save sentient beings. Fellow practitioners around me
thought that I had lowered my level. The deeds of the righteous thoughts and
righteous actions of fellow practitioners published on Clearwisdom.net inspired
me and touched me. I asked myself, "If it was the last day of my life, what
would I choose? Would I still be reluctant to let go of human life?" 3. Clarifying the Truth Face to Face The truth-clarification material printing site in our area was sabotaged.
Several practitioners are still imprisoned as a result. I also suffered from
harassment and being under surveillance. In view of my own situation, I focused
on clarifying the truth face to face. At the same time, I tried to use other
methods as well. I really benefited a lot from reading the articles on the
Clearwisdom website. To those people with whom I was not acquainted, I usually
spoke in the third person. To those people I knew, I spoke to them directly. In
the past, I did not like to talk when meeting other people. Now, I smiled first
when I met someone. Some practitioners were afraid of being persecuted by the
CCP, so they dared not speak. This motivated me to sum up my experience to share
with them and encourage them. I tried to persuade my husband to learn Falun Dafa, but he said, "I know
you are earnest and taking care of me, but I cannot learn it now. I will leave
it for the future." Therefore, I could only continue to clarify the truth
to him in a way that was easy for him to accept. He was a person with extremely
high self-esteem and a man of his word. We had been married for over twenty
years, and during this time he never spoke humbly. He hated people who shed
tears. Not long after I went out to clarify the truth, he seemed to feel
something. One evening after coming home from work, he called me by my name and
said with tears in his eyes, "I beg you, don't say anything outside--for
me, for our child, and for this family." He knew that Falun Dafa was good,
but he was afraid of the persecution by the evil Party. Of course I could not
yield to his words, however, I had to show my understanding and had to calm him
down. I knew that I must also do well in my truth-clarification, because only by
doing well would I be safe. I did not answer him directly. I looked at him and
said, "Please rest assured that I will be responsible to you, to our child,
and to this family." Even though I said this, I still felt pressure in my
heart. In clarifying the truth, I could always feel that Teacher was strengthening
and protecting me. One day I accompanied my husband to attend a function. My
husband had something to do and left before the dinner started. At the time,
everyone else was chatting. I sat there looking for opportunities to clarify the
truth. Two people sitting next to me were talking. One of them was a bureau
chief from another county and I did not know who the other one was. I heard this
stranger say, "It's as crazy as the self-immolation by Falun Gong
practitioners." I said sternly, "Don't talk nonsense! Falun Gong does
not allow people to commit suicide. The Tiananmen Square Self-immolation
Incident was staged!" The two of them were stunned. The bureau chief left
very quickly but the other one questioned me sternly, "Who are you? Where
do you work?" I sensed that there might be trouble. Instantly, I asked
Teacher for help. I calmed down very quickly and told him where I worked. I also
told him that I was with my husband. He relaxed a little bit and asked,
"Why do you want to defend Falun Gong? How do you know the Tiananmen Square
self-immolation was staged?" I said, "There are people at my job who
practice Falun Gong. Before 1999, I read Falun Gong books which clearly stated
that it does not allow suicide." Then he asked, "What are the names of
those who practice Falun Gong at your job?" I knew he would ask questions
like that. One practitioner at my workplace had been imprisoned for two years
and it was big news then. It was a well-known fact. I told him that the
practitioner was very rational and reasonable and was considered to be a good
person by both his leaders and peers. He paused and then said, "Do you know
that I am from the city Procuratorate? I said, "Really? I
thought you were one of my husband's colleagues. People in my workplace all say
that Falun Gong is good and is a cultivation way of the Buddha School. What I
said is for your own good, and I hope you can meet with good rewards." He
changed to a more caring tone and explained what he had heard from his superiors
and said that we should all stay in line with the superiors. I did not refute
him directly. Instead I said to him, "When I first started to work in the
1970s, whenever we had a meeting my boss would shout the slogan 'Down with Deng
Xiaoping.' We simply followed. After Deng was rehabilitated, no one shouted that
slogan anymore. When Deng was overthrown for the second time, I did not follow
my boss to shout slogans anymore." He urged me, "You shout! You shout! It has nothing to do with you."
Suddenly he understood what I had implied. He stopped and looked at me. I did
not say anything but looked back at him. After some time he said, "You
know, I was in charge of the management of prisons, and I had four prisons under
my control. Since I worked there for so long, my way of thinking has not
changed. My wife said it was an occupational disease." I smiled and said,
"I can understand." He nodded his head. Then I said, "My husband
does not allow me to talk about this outside. Would you please not tell
him?" He said, "No, I will not!" Later on at the dinner table he
found out that I did not drink. He stared blankly for a few seconds. I thought
he realized the reason. He told my husband, "I talked to your wife. She is
very good and very straight forward." I really felt happy for him. When
reviewing the incident afterwards, I found that I was a bit rash and impatient
at the very beginning. I should have acted more calmly and it would have been
more appropriate if I had raised the doubt with a question. 4. Cultivation Is a Very Serious Matter After the organ harvesting at concentration camps was exposed, I was very
upset and became impatient about clarifying the truth. I was pursuing results
and developed the mentality of accomplishing tasks. When the truth-clarification
went smoothly, the mentality of complacency and the mentality of validating
myself was magnified. One day, people that did not know the truth reported me to
the police and I was taken to a police station. During my stay there, I was
determined that I would not give up Falun Dafa nor would I betray my fellow
practitioners. However, many times I used human thinking and failed to
fundamentally negate the persecution. As a result, I did not do well in several
other aspects. When the police asked me to give up my cultivation and tell them
who my fellow practitioners were, I thought to myself that I would rather die
than agree with them. At the same time, I thought that they did not have any
evidence, so I simply would not cooperate. I also wanted to leave the demon's
den as soon as possible. The evil forces took advantage of my human thoughts of
trusting in luck and acting in a perfunctory manner. As a result, I promised not
to promote Falun Dafa and not to do the exercises in public. At the time, I
thought that I had always practiced the exercises at home anyway. I even thought
that if I did not satisfy them, they would not release me. In that case, I could
accomplish nothing. This thought was clearly not in the Fa. After returning home, I still did not realize my problem at the beginning. I
only thought that something was not right and I did not even bother to think
about it. Teacher gave me hints. When I was doing the sitting meditation, I saw
a picture. I was holding a bamboo punt-pole and stood on a boat made of willow
twigs that was moving forward in a muddy river. I woke up with a start--a boat
made of willow twigs? Teacher was trying to tell me that I was full of
omissions. I felt very bad, so I began to look inward and tried to dig out my
attachments. On the following day, Teacher showed me a bucket with a spade. The
spake was digging sand out of the bucket. The spade was about to reach the
bottom of the bucket, but it was still digging at full speed. I enlightened that
Teacher was asking me to continue to look inward, and I tried hard to find my
omissions. I realized that cultivation is a serious matter and that in cultivation,
everything is important, no matter how small it is. From the surface, it seemed
that I only wanted to deal with a small matter perfunctorily. As a matter of
fact, it was not a small matter at all. It exposed my human attachments. Deep in
my heart, I still had the mentality of fear. I was afraid of losing a stable
life, afraid of losing my salary, and afraid that my husband could not bear it.
In my heart, I was still reluctant to let go of the human attachments. I often
read articles from the Clearwisdom website and was in tears many times when
reading about the moving deeds of my fellow practitioners. I often recited to
myself, "With no attachment to living or dying." However, at the
critical moment, I still left omissions for the evil forces to take advantage
of. How could I make such mistakes? It was because I had failed to truly
cultivate my xinxing. As a matter of fact, my cultivation was
carried out under a disguised human attachment. "What's given up is not oneself ("Discarding Attachments" from Hong Yin II) Teacher said: "When you're compared with those Dafa disciples who have strong
righteous thoughts and have done well, [I have to ask,] can you really not
raise your ultimate understanding of Dafa beyond this human plane? What are
you really cultivating for, then? To achieve something for human society? To
achieve something for China? To achieve something for the side of Dafa
disciples that's in the human world? Or to merely have the world bring justice
to Dafa disciples in the human world? Did I impart the Fa to you to accomplish
something for human society? What I am doing is leading you toward godhood in
cultivation, leading your understanding, little by little, out of humanness
and beyond that of man, and the goal is to lead you to Consummation and the
ascension of your being. " ("In Fa-Rectification Your Thoughts Have
to be Righteous, Not Human") Reading this paragraph of the Fa now gave me much food for thought. Hadn't my
understand of the Fa stopped at the human level over a long period of time? When
I failed to let go of my attachments, didn't I still pursue the human side? When
I felt excited or sad or angry, wasn't I pursuing the goal of having the world's
people give practitioners justice in the human world? When I failed to let go of human attachments, then studying the Fa became a
mere formality. When I failed to let go of human attachments, I was unable to
clarify the truth with righteous words and deeds. The manifestation was that
sometimes I would have the mentality of fear in clarifying the truth, and at
other times when I did not have the mentality of fear, I would show my
stubbornness or anger during the process. If I could not let go of human
attachments, it would be only natural for me to have a mentality of trusting in
luck" and a mentality of opportunism at the critical moment. How could it
be possible for the evil forces to persecute practitioners like me? It was my
own omissions that were taken advantage of by the evil forces. I was a victim of
my human attachments. I felt ashamed for letting Teacher down. When I woke up on the morning of the third day, I did not want to do
anything, because I had a heavy heart. Just then I saw a golden Falun spinning
in front of my eyes. My tears fell. I knew Teacher was encouraging me, a
non-diligent practitioner. Teacher has always guided me forward. Though I fell,
I knew that I had to get up from where I fell. I wanted to be an upright and
noble Falun Dafa practitioner. I took out a piece of paper and carefully wrote,
"I declare all my words and actions that were not in line with the Fa to be
null and void. I will closely follow Teacher, help Teacher to rectify the Fa and
save sentient beings, as well as do well the three things Teacher
asked us to do." Then I signed my name. I said loudly in my heart,
"All heavenly beings, please listen. I will help Teacher to rectify the Fa
and save sentient beings. Don't interfere with me in whatever form." I told
my fellow practitioners, "I have never had such a clear understanding of
what the old forces were and I have never been so confident in clarifying the
truth to save the sentient beings as I am today." No human language could ever express my respect for and gratitude to our
venerable Teacher. The only thing I need to do now is to let go of myself and
save sentient beings. Thank you, Teacher!
But instead the folly of delusion"
Chinese version available at
http://www.minghui.org/mh/articles/2007/8/25/161483.html
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