(Clearwisdom.net) On July 7, 2008, at around 11:30 a.m., policemen broke
into my home and took me to a detention center,. Later they transferred me to a
forced labor camp. I began a hunger strike that lasted eleven days. The labor
camp officials refused to keep me there because I did not pass the physical
exam, and I was released. Thanks to Master's compassion, I was free again.
After my release, I studied the Fa carefully. After sending forth
righteous thoughts and looking inward, I found my loopholes. I wanted to share
my findings to hopefully help fellow practitioners learn from these mistakes.
- When I saw other practitioners arrested, detained, or sentenced, I did not
help them, but instead blamed them for not doing well. I felt that they
should do things this way or that way. Subconsciously I thought that if I
were arrested, I should do this and that. These were my loopholes, and a
tribulation came because I asked for it.
- Being stubborn, I tend to think highly of my own opinion and want to
validate myself. I focused on others' shortcomings rather than on their
strengths. Whenever there was a problem or conflict, I jumped to conclusions
and passed judgment on other practitioners. Even after this happened several
times, I was still not aware that I had hurt others and hurt them deeply.
- I pushed others to do things that they did not want to do. I was arrested
and did not pass a physical exam, but they still held me at the police
station. I waited for hours, and I thought, "I have to go home. I
should not let them persecute me." I asked Master in my heart,
"Why won't they release me?" I began look for things that I didn't
do well in the past, and I was shown this scene. An elderly practitioner had
poor eyesight, so other practitioners had to help him distribute Falun Gong
informational materials because he kept bumping into things. Fellow
practitioners told me about this, but I was not considerate and continued to
give him large quantities of materials, thus making things difficult for
him. After I saw the scene, I knew that I was wrong.
- I like to do everything on a large scale. Sometimes when there was no need
for a large quantity of a particular brochure, I still bought a lot, using
the money that fellow practitioners entrusted me with. I also produced a lot
of materials, regardless of how much those who distributed them could take.
I would think to myself that I was helping them to make more efforts for
Dafa, but I did not consider each person's situation and made things
difficult for them.
- I did not pay attention to sending righteous thoughts. During the past
several years of sending righteous thoughts, I felt drowsy and I could not
keep my palm upright as soon as I closed my eyes. My hands got very close to
each other when I held the lotus palm position. Other practitioners reminded
me many times, but I did not change. At midnight, I often fell asleep while
sending righteous thoughts.
I also have other attachments which I should have gotten rid of already. When
I think back on the mistakes that I have made, I feel very ashamed. I will
cultivate based on Master Li's teachings and improve as soon as possible.
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