(Clearwisdom.net) I recently moved from China to a city in North America
where there were neither Falun Gong practitioners nor a practice site.
I immediately knew the reason why it was arranged for me to come to this
city and the important mission I carried. Teacher said,
"Most recently, students have trickled in from China one after
another. [To those students I'd say this:] You should try your best to
communicate more with non-mainland students, open up more, and by way of
discussion clean yourself up. The way people go about life outside of China is
the normal way for human beings to be, at least in modern times." ("Fa
Teaching at the U.S. Capital")
I quickly found a fellow practitioner in a nearby city on the Falun Dafa
website and explained my situation to her. She kindly mailed a package of
truth-clarification materials to me. I made many photocopies and
distributed them in local stores and supermarkets. From time to time I called
her for some advice on how better to clarify the truth about Falun Gong to
westerners, and she kindly obliged each time I called.
After a while, I tried to contact her again, but either no one answered the
phone or the call was picked up by her fax machine or voice mail. I went to the
website again to find other contacts in her city in order to inquire after her.
One of them told me they knew nothing about her whereabouts, and the other hung
up before I finished what I had to say.
I felt disappointed, rejected and morose. I remembered the harsh environment
in China. Finally, I managed to get out of China and I longed to exchange
cultivation experiences with fellow practitioners here. Before I left China,
many fellow practitioners bestowed me with envy and told me repeatedly to keep
in contact with practitioners there and to find time to exchange cultivation
experiences often. I never expected to be given the cold shoulder here. For days
I felt very sad, as though something was stuck in my chest. Sometimes I even
felt difficulty breathing. I knew this must be a xinxing test. There must
be some attachment I need to forgo.
Finally, I sat down and began to reflect upon myself. I realized that I have
a strong attachment to dependence. When I faced a problem, I tended to look for
practitioners' help to analyze it. I am also very lazy. I enjoy chit-chatting,
and often failed to cultivate my speech when I spoke. I was aware of these
attachments, but I felt others here should not have ignored me. I felt it was
unfair. I remembered how well my fellow practitioners in China and I had gotten
along and how we had helped and cared for one another. My face burned with
tears. I suddenly regretted leaving China.
I contacted another practitioner listed on the website because I needed a new
version of truth-clarification materials and signs. He promised to send me the
materials, but that evening he called back and said he couldn't do so. During
the conversation, he avoided some "sensitive words" and explained that
Chinese Communist Party agents might be listening to the phone conversation via
satellite. After a few days, I learned from another practitioner that he
suspected I might be a spy sent by the CCP and that was the reason why he
refused to work with me. I suddenly felt very isolated.
I decided that there must be some loophole in my cultivation practice. For a
long time I failed to eliminate my many secular attachments. Because of the
sluggish improvement of my xinxing, the evil beings from other dimensions
must have exploited my loophole and created distrust between fellow
practitioners and me. On the surface the fellow practitioners were at fault for
isolating me, but the root cause was that I tended to look outward when facing
problems. I blamed the problems on my fellow practitioners. I was also
belligerent. I didn't conduct myself as a genuine practitioner or put myself in
other people's shoes. Instead, I tended to judge other people from a selfish
perspective. Teacher expects us to become enlightened beings and attain
selflessness and altruism. After all, the lives in the future new universe must
be altruistic. I must be enormously forgiving and generous as a Falun Gong
practitioner. I must not become emotional because of anyone's comments or
behavior. I must not allow the evil plot to estrange my fellow practitioners
from me. I decided that I shall persevere in my faith in Teacher and the Fa and
to follow Teacher's Fa:
"[...] just by remaining unmoved you could handle all
situations." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2005 Canada Fa
Conference")
We practitioners are Teacher's disciples; we form one-body. I should look
upon conflicts as opportunities to upgrade my xinxing. I should try to
understand and forgive my fellow practitioners with a big heart. It is my top
priority to clarify the truth about Falun Gong and to save sentient beings. I
shouldn't be bothered by things that are trivial. Besides, we have come to this
secular world together for the sake of assisting Teacher in His Fa-rectification,
so I must cherish the predestined relationship between us.
I then felt the suppressing matter in my chest disappear and I felt
light-hearted again. I was soon told the practitioner I had not been able to
reach was on an overseas business trip and that was the reason why no one had
answered my phone calls. Soon, I reached a western practitioner in a nearby
city, who mailed all the truth-clarification materials and Falun Gong fliers to
me quickly. He even offered to help with the free Falun Gong workshop I planned
to host in my city and with a truth-clarification activity on the street. Never
had I reached a better understanding on the meaning of "upgrading xinxing."
When I upgraded my xinxing, everything changed. Everything in human
society is illusion. I must not be caught by the illusion I see with my own
eyes. When a conflict arises, it is time for me to upgrade my xinxing and
to search within for the root cause.
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