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Believing in Teacher and Dafa to Pass the Test of Sickness Karma By a practitioner in Liaoning Province
(Clearwisdom.net) I began to practice Falun Dafa at the end of 1997, but I failed to clearly
understand the Fa. After July 20, 1999 when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP)
began to persecute Falun Dafa, the leaders and the Party Secretary of my work
place often tried to pressure me and my husband to give up practicing Falun Dafa.
Since I failed to study the Fa well and did not have strong righteous thoughts,
I slacked off in my cultivation. Originally, I planned
to clarify the truth on the Internet, but instead I used the computer to play
games. I also could not extricate myself from qing (sentimentality). The
old forces utilized these weaknesses to persecute me. Though I recognized the
danger, I still failed to break through by understanding the Fa. On the
contrary, I tried to rely on human thinking and actions. As a result, I sank
deeper and deeper into trouble. I felt miserable and hated myself. At the time,
I even thought that there was no reason for me to live, and hoped that I could
contract some kind of deadly disease and die. At the beginning of 2007, I began
to experience symptoms of sickness. I went to the hospital and was diagnosed
with cancer, which had already progressed to the middle stages, and I underwent
surgery. Only after my operation did I begin to think calmly and rationally. If
I died, where would I go? At what level would I be positioned? Hadn't I come to
this world to learn the Fa? Should I really forget about Dafa and miss this
opportunity of all ages? Moreover, my friends and relatives knew that I had
practiced Falun Dafa. How would I redeem their negative opinions concerning
Falun Dafa that my state must have caused? I began to study the Fa diligently and rectified my behavior and thinking.
Teacher said, "In such cases there are only two choices: You either go to the
hospital and thus give up on trying to overcome the test, or you completely
let go of everything, behave like an upstanding and noble Dafa disciple who
has no resentment or attachments, and leave it to Master to arrange whether
you stay or go. When you are able to do that, you are a god. "
("Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles") I went to my knees in front of Teacher's portrait and said, "Teacher, I
was wrong! Please give me another opportunity. I came to this world not to live
an everyday person's life, but to assimilate to Dafa. I must not give up passing
that test. If I do that again, it will mean that I have abandoned my
cultivation. From this moment on, I want to give all I have to Teacher. Even if
I only have one day left to live, I will listen to what Teacher has said and
follow Teacher. This is my only choice. Teacher, I don't want to lose this
opportunity of the ages and I want to return home with Teacher!" (At the
time my xinxing was based on the word "I", which appeared
in every sentence.) After returning to the cultivation of Falun Dafa, I studied the Fa, did the
exercises, sent forth righteous thoughts and did the three things
with all my heart. My righteous thoughts got stronger with each passing day. I
looked inward and found that my understanding of the Fa was still at the
perceptual level. I failed to enlighten to the more profound, advanced
principles and deeper meanings of Dafa, as well as to the seriousness of
cultivation. If we cling to distorted notions and attachments, and don't want to
let them go, we will be aligned with the arrangements of the old forces, which
take advantage of our loopholes. Therefore, I must utilize Dafa to rectify every
thought in my daily life. Only by doing this could I thoroughly negate the
arrangements of the old forces. At the same time, I began to redeem the negative
influences that I brought to Falun Dafa. I wrote a statement quitting the CCP
and delivered it to the Party organization. My statement and conversations with
acquaintances included many examples, including how I returned to physical
health, how my moral standards were upgraded, and how my family became more
harmonious after I began practicing Falun Gong. I was forced to quit the
cultivation of Falun Gong due to various reasons after July 20, 1999. I had
experienced the wonders of Falun Dafa in healing, and if I had persisted in
practicing Falun Gong, I would not have contracted any illness. One month after my operation, the doctors found that the cancer cells
shifted, and they requested that I undergo courses of chemical and radiotherapy
treatments. My husband asked me to go to the hospital to receive the treatments.
He is not a practitioner, and under the extended persecution of Falun Dafa, he
adopted the attitude that I could not mention Falun Dafa in front of him. In the
past when I clarified the facts to him or spoke about the "three
withdrawals" (withdrawing from the CCP, the Youth League and the Young
Pioneers), he refused to listen and became highly agitated. Now I understand
that this reaction was due to my not being righteous and unable to rectify my
own energy field. How could I expect to save sentient beings like that? Right
now we are in the Fa-rectification period, and practitioners are trying hard to
save sentient beings. My husband is one of those sentient beings, so he also
needs to be saved. Whether or not things around me can be rectified depends upon
the level of my xinxing. Only by firmly believing in Teacher and the Fa,
gradually improving myself in understanding the Fa, and having
righteous thoughts and righteous actions, can I rectify everything around
me. I certainly can do it. I did not refuse my husband's request to go to the hospital, but I kept
strong righteous thoughts. That day in the hospital, my husband went to see the
doctor while I sat in the car waiting. I thought that I had not lived up to the
expectations of Teacher's compassionate salvation, nor to those of the sentient
beings of my own world. I felt extremely sad, and tears kept falling down my
face. Just then my husband came back, but he didn't say a word upon witnessing
the scene. Afterwards he said to me, "Since you contracted the illness,
I've never seen you cry, not even one tear. You are always happy when dealing
with anyone around you, as if nothing has happened to you. You do the household
chores as usual. You look so strong, and the doctors, nurses, patients as well
as our relatives and your colleagues all admire you. Now, at a time when you are
undergoing treatment, you shed tears. I am very much shocked." Our cultivation depends upon our own efforts while the transformation of gong
is done by Teacher. Dafa's power manifested itself on me. My examination showed
that my hemogram failed to reach the standards required for chemical and radio
therapies. My relatives opposed these therapies, and my husband's relatives also
raised the same issue, asking him to respect my decision. I explained to my
husband on the level that he could understand, the real source of illness, and
the mechanism of cultivation in healing the illness. He listened attentively.
That day, my husband suddenly held me, choked with tears. He said, "I am
scared. I regret very much that at that time I did not support your practice of
Falun Gong. You were in very good health. I believe that Falun Gong will help
you to cure your illness. Now if anyone says that Falun Gong is not good, I will
not accept it." Thereafter, my husband seemed to have changed into a new person, and provided
me with the best possible environment for my cultivation. He often reminds me to
send forth righteous thoughts, and also began to help me with housework. When I
clarified the truth to him, he would listen calmly. Sometimes he would ask me
about my cultivation, and questions that puzzled him. He often browsed websites
banned inside China to learn the truth, using software that can bypass China's
information screening firewall. He quit the CCP and cooperated with me to help a
relative who had been seriously corrupted by the CCP to quit the party. My mother is 80 years old. After July 20, 1999, she also slacked off in her
cultivation and indulged in playing Mahjong and taking health products. She was
also keen on promoting the health products for her relatives. She acted like an
everyday person rather than a practitioner. I gave her a stern warning, citing
cases of practitioners who had not done well. We now study the Fa, practice the
exercises, send forth righteous thoughts and clarify the truth together. My
mother is quite diligent now. Some fellow practitioners said, "It must not
be easy for people at your age to go out to clarify the truth everyday." My
mother replied, "Does age really matter on the path of cultivation?" I saw the power of the Fa and Teacher's compassionate salvation. Now,
especially after watching the "Fa Teaching Given to the Australian
Practitioners" DVD, I understood the importance of looking inward. In
clarifying the truth, my fear, attachments of competing and showing off, as well
as self-verification all came to the surface. I haven't had any breakthroughs in
clarifying the truth to strangers and still have a lot of attachments to remove.
Although I feel that I do not have enough time and sleep very little, I still
feel calm, fulfilled, and experience the joy of cultivation. In passing this test of sickness karma, I understood that I must firmly
believe in Teacher and the Fa. During the Fa-rectification period, the
cultivation of practitioners is mainly directed towards saving sentient beings.
Any serious sickness karma or tests which occur during this period are not
arranged by Teacher, but are the result of those things we failed to do well and
exploited by the old forces. We can completely negate the arrangements of the
old forces only by steadfastly believing in Teacher and the Fa, earnestly
studying the Fa, identifying our fundamental attachments and being determined to
let go of them. I also understood that to cherish Dafa is to cherish our lives.
This is only a description using human language, even though the comparison is
not respectful to Dafa. How can a human life be compared with the Fa? We are so
small, while Dafa is the fundamental source of all lives in the cosmos and
firmaments. All the practitioners must respect Teacher and the Fa, resolutely
safeguard the Fa, validate the Fa and not damage the Fa. Some practitioners have
experienced serious sickness karma and did not pay enough attention to their
actions. This caused misunderstandings or even resentment of Dafa among their
relatives and colleagues. As a result, these people are now more difficult to
save. Some practitioners who experienced severe sickness karma did not know to
cherish the Fa; they scattered Falun Dafa books and articles and even mixed them
with other household items. These practitioners do not know that they need to
look inward in order to let go of their attachments, which resulted in bringing
about negative effects. Some practitioners at the surface level were still
clarifying the truth, but everyday people could not understand what they were
saying. This is in essence damaging Dafa unintentionally, and it is distressing
to see this. From the Minghui/Clearwisdom website, I learned that some everyday
people know to cherish the Fa and not to discredit Dafa, let alone
practitioners. I read sharing articles from fellow practitioners daily, and I feel that they
are doing well. They are doing a good job with their understanding of the Fa
principles. They indeed have righteous thoughts and righteous actions. Articles
like these help me immensely. During the process of writing this article, some
of my attachments that need to be removed came to the surface. This included a
sensitivity to my reputation, being afraid to deal with attachments I felt
ashamed of, and being afraid that fellow practitioners might look down at me. I
am determined to let go of all these attachments. Please kindly help me to understand any shortcomings that I may have.
Posting date: 3/24/2008 |