(Clearwisdom.net) After Teacher finished teaching the Fa to Australian practitioners, he first put down the microphone and then picked it up again. He sincerely said that practitioners must look inwards whenever they run into a conflict. Teacher's words stuck in my mind, and I thought that, in the future, when I ran into a conflict, I would look inwards to find my shortcomings and cultivate myself well. Saying this, however, turned out to be easier than doing it. In the midst of conflicts, I have often forgotten to look inwards, and instead saw the superficial phenomena of a conflict and saw only the other people's problems. Therefore, the conflicts between myself and others became more and more complex. Actually, the ability of a practitioner to look inside to find his or her shortcomings is a manifestation of the practitioner's level.
In recent years, I thought that I had closely followed the process of Fa-rectification and was doing the three things that Teacher asked us to do. I used preparing propaganda for a government department to clarify the truth to people and to persuade them to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations, and the results were quite good. Among the over 400 people that withdrew from the CCP, some were high ranking officials, some were scholars, some of them were my friends or relatives, and others I didn't even know. I accumulated some experiences while persuading people to quit the CCP and also wrote some short articles that were published on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website. I felt that I was doing truth-clarification as well as the two other things, even though I wasn't that strict with myself. I thought that I was doing the three things quite well until something happened that woke me up.
One evening, while I was clarifying the truth to an elderly couple on the street, my wife came over and asked the couple to leave and to not believe what I was saying. After they left, my wife scolded me, "Shame on you! You don't want have to a grandson anymore, do you?" My daughter-in-law was five months pregnant, and my wife was worried about my safety and thought that I didn't care about my family. She also knelt down and begged me not to clarify the truth anymore. When I didn't agree to stop, she slapped my face and didn't speak to me for a week. Later I was detained for 15 days, and after I returned home, I was demoted from my position as head of the department because I protected a practitioner. This caused my family tremendous suffering. In order to avoid being persecuted again, my wife and children asked me to only practice Falun Gong at home and to not clarify the truth to people.
In this conflict with my wife, I couldn't think straight, because I thought that saving people was the most righteous matter in the universe. Why was I encountering such huge resistance and disturbance? When a practitioner has a conflict with a non-practitioner, it is one hundred percent the practitioner's fault. When I shared my experience with other practitioners, they said to me, "You should carefully look inside and find your attachments. That is your problem." That night as I lay in bed, I thoroughly searched every aspect of my behavior to find where I had gone wrong.
After carefully searching, I found several problems. Recently, due to events around the Beijing 2008 Olympics, the Human Rights Torch Relay, and Tibetans protesting the CCP persecution, I had spent a lot of time watching and reading about current events and had neglected to study the "Fa." Sometimes I hadn't read a single page of Zhuan Falun during the whole day. Because I had neglected Fa-study, my own dimensions were unclean. Even while sending forth righteous thoughts I was unable to be tranquil. Many unrighteous thoughts appeared in my mind. Another problem I identified was the attachment of lust. Lately I had allowed feelings of lust. Although Teacher had given me hints in my dreams several times, I hadn't allowed myself to be aware of the problem.
After finding my attachments, I diligently studied and memorized the Fa. When each paragraph of Fa appeared in my mind, a great deal of energy also entered my field. By then, if I felt any desire, I knew the thought was very dirty. If we neglect Fa study, our righteous thoughts can become insufficient. There were so many dirty things in my dimensions, especially the lust. The gods look down on the people who have the attachment of lust. It is not acceptable for cultivators to be unable to give up the attachment of lust. How could that be allowed? How could a practitioner during the Fa-rectification period save people with such dirty things in his or her mind? Saving people must be done by a holy and great god.
With my righteous thoughts strengthened, the righteous energy increased, and so did my chances and methods of saving people. I really sensed that my level went up. Looking inward is a golden key that a practitioner can use to enhance his or her level. However, if a practitioner only looks outward, the person could become mired in human attachments.
