(Clearwisdom.net)

Hello, respected Master. Hello, fellow practitioners!

I am a veteran practitioner who obtained the Fa in China in 1996. I've always felt that I have cultivated quite poorly so I think that I have little to write about. I don't know how to face Master's benevolent salvation. But seeing the support for Mainland Dafa disciples' experience sharing articles, I put pen to paper encouraged by fellow practitioners and continually correct my bad thoughts. Regardless of how well or poorly I have cultivated, each upright thought I have on my cultivation path is given to me by Dafa. Each upright step I have walked is taken with Master's help. I must validate Dafa and sing the praises of Master. The Fa rectification has progressed to its final stage. I must cherish this opportunity and report to Master on what I have learned during my cultivation. This is also something that Master has allowed us to do.

In May of 1996, a friend of mine recommended Zhuan Falun to me. What she said at the time left a great impression on me. She said, "Falun Gong's Master has come to take people to higher levels. Even if after reading this book, you don't cultivate, you will know how to be a good person. You should take a look." Her words moved me, so I borrowed Zhuan Falun from her. I thought it was really good after reading, and I, too, wanted to practice. But I didn't know whether there were any practice sites nearby. During the summer vacation of 1996, I woke up very early one morning. Without much thought, I went downstairs to the park for a walk. There, I saw a group of people sitting in a circle in meditation. I went up to an elderly lady and asked if they were practicing Falun Gong. She said yes. I asked, "Can you teach me?" She said, "Of course." She told me that they start practicing at 5:40 a.m. every day. I told her I couldn't get up that early. She said, "As long as you want to practice, you can get up." She added, "If you want to cultivate, you should also get a copy of Zhuan Falun." She told me where to buy the book. The next morning I actually woke up and arrived at the practice site in time, where I officially began practicing Dafa.

When I began cultivating, I was bathed in Master's boundless Buddha grace. My heart was filled with sunlight. In Dafa cultivation, I understood that the true meaning of life is to "return to one's original, true self." I understood that, through cultivation, a person can ascend in mind and body. I understood why a living being should follow the standard of Truthfulness-Benevolence-Forbearance and why people must value virtue and be a good in every aspect of our work and daily lives. I had a healthy body and mind and a harmonious family. But my greatest gain was the improvement of character and the elevation of my moral standards.

In 1999, the brutal persecution of Dafa and Dafa disciples was launched. On the morning of July 21, I went to the State Appeals Office. In the afternoon, we were detained at the Fengtai Sports Center, and that night we were dragged to Dongcheng Office of the Public Security Bureau. Someone who looked like the chief demanded that no one should show up again the next day. He threatened that if we didn't obey the orders, the Communist Party, which was made up of 60 million members, and its troops would take care of this. I was released late at night. My family members were extremely worried about me. They urged me not to go appeal again. The next day I got ready to go to work. I had an appointment with a student and planned to buy a pair of glasses at the optometrist beforehand. As I was about to step out the door, my mother urged me not to go to the appeals office again. She said, "Your child is young. Wait until the child gets older, and then you can do whatever you want, and I won't bother you." I hadn't planned to go to the appeals office that day, so I simply agreed with her. I picked up my glasses and took a bus to work. When the bus arrived at the entrance of Xisi Street, the vehicle slowed down. The streets were lined with people. One side was lined with practitioners who had come to appeal from all over the country. The other side was filled with onlookers. There were so many practitioners that they stretched all the way to Xidan Street. Police had already surrounded the practitioners. People on the bus said, "This is Falun Gong." My heart pounded when I hear that. Suddenly a thought popped up, I"'m a Falun Gong practitioner. I might be very weak and I might not be capable of doing anything, but I am a particle of Dafa and I should stand up." At that moment I felt like I was enveloped in a strong energy. I got off the bus, went over to where the police had surrounded the practitioners, and stood among the appealing practitioners. That night we were taken back to the local police station. We were released at around midnight. On the way home, I was thinking to myself that my husband would yell at me for coming home so late. He must be worried since he wasn't able to find me. He would definitely swear at me.

But I thought of Master's words in "Position" in Essentials for Further Advancement II:

"The trials that a cultivator goes through are something an everyday person could not endure. That is why throughout history so few people have been able to succeed in cultivation and reach Consummation. Human beings are just human beings. At critical moments it is hard for them to let go of their human notions, but they always try to find excuses to convince themselves. A magnificent cultivator, on the other hand, is able to let go of his Self and even all of his ordinary human thoughts amidst crucial trials."

When I thought of this, I felt calm. When I got home, my husband screamed at me, "Do you still want this family? I tried to look for you and almost got arrested. Do you know that?" I didn't get moved and calmly replied, "Of course I want this family. Do not worry about me, I have Master." He calmed down very quickly and said, "Your employer has already passed on a message--it's already been determined that from now on, you must be careful at work and don't say anything. At home, you can practice however you want to. Outside, don't say a thing. Nowadays, people are complicated; you don't know what people will think." I replied, "Don't worry, I know what to do."

From then on, we lost the environment for group Fa study and practice. I wasn't able to be diligent in studying the Fa alone. I couldn't even manage one chapter of Zhuan Falun for a few days. I was frightened seeing so many fellow practitioners arrested and persecuted. I could get on Dafa websites, but I didn't dare to. I purposely avoided them and slackened in my cultivation for a period of time, immersing myself in everyday life. On September 26, 2000, the Minghui (Chinese version of Clearwisdom) website issued an article from the editors called "Serious Teachings - Recorded from a Recent Talk by Master".

Master said:

"I feel sorry for those people who aren't able to step forward when facing the serious tests amidst the tribulations, and who use various excuses to disguise their fears."

Master also said:

"Why does a person study Dafa? Those people only want to gain from Dafa, and they regard Dafa as a protective shield. While Dafa encounters persecution, while disciples are being arrested, persecuted, and beaten to death for protecting Dafa, what are they doing? While their Master is being slandered, what are they doing? Are they waiting for something good to just fall from the sky? Are they waiting to reach Consummation once the tribulation ends? I'm really worried for them. They have no idea how dangerous the situation is for their true beings!"

Master was talking about me. I felt so pained. I hated myself for not cultivating diligently for so long and wasting so much time. I was hiding due to fear. At that time, the only other practitioner who was with me had also been arrested. My fear, attachment to sentimentality, and sense of loneliness made it impossible for me to sleep for a few days. My heart was racing. The pain penetrated deep into my heart and bones. I felt as though I was enshrouded by a formless substance, suffocating me. Tears fell as I turned towards Master's portrait and said, "Master, this disciple has failed to live up to the standard. I am afraid that I won't make it."

In "Drive Out Interference," Essentials for Further Advancement II, Master taught:

"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts."

I realized that I must seize the time to study Fa. Only the Fa can break through this human shell. Only the Fa can make us step out of humanness. Thus, I used whatever time I had left to study Fa. Each time I opened Zhuan Falun, I'd always come across this:

"Our Falun will protect you if you regard yourself as a genuine cultivator. Since I am rooted into the cosmos, whoever can challenge you can challenge me, and to be frank, can challenge the cosmos."

Through continuous Fa study, many attachments weakened. My fear also diminished. Following this, with Master's hints, I bought a printer and began downloading Master's articles and truth-clarification materials.

I printed them and offered them to practitioners near me. We didn't have any programs to break through the Internet blockade then. We accessed the Minghui website through an overseas server. The server was blocked after a period of time, but by then, I'd always find another server or another way to access the Internet. I utilized my spare time to hand out flyers with other practitioners and put up posters. When I first started handing out flyers, I was quite scared. My heart beat loudly. As I went about the task, I recited a poem from Hong Yin called "Mighty Virtue:"

"Dafa does not leave the body,
The heart harbors Zhen-Shan-Ren;
In the world is a great Arhat,
Spirits and ghosts fear greatly."

My mind became steady after I recited it again and again. I didn't know what righteous thoughts were at the time. I only told myself, "I have come to bring you good fortune." Each time I returned home safely under Master's care. The substance of fear slowly diminished.

On the morning of January 23, 2001, Chinese New Year's Eve, people from the 610 Office, officials from the education department, and the school secretary--a total of about 7 to 8 people--wanted to have a talk with me in the conference room. They wanted me to give up cultivation. I told them that, after cultivating Dafa, I experienced better health and happiness. I said that the CCP propaganda was all lies and deceptions. A secretary from the board of education said, "If someone tells you to do this and that, you don't do it." I said, "How could I just do what others tell me to do? I've got a brain. I will go about things according to the standard of Truthfulness-Benevolence-Forbearance." A few days later, TV stations broadcast the Self-immolation Incident.

The 2001 May Day holiday had just passed. The first day back to work, the school secretary wanted to meet with me in the department during the afternoon. Actually, those in charge wanted to send me to brainwashing center. Five minutes before I was about to leave, a colleague ran to tell me, "I don't know where they want to send you." At once I thought: brainwashing class. I clearly felt this was Master's hint and, under Master's care, I escaped in time. After I left, the school and public security bureau looked everywhere for me. They sent people to keep watch on my home and my parents' home. I was left homeless. My child was only three-and-a-half then.

I went to a city in the south. Under Master's care, I met an older practitioner who had also been left homeless. We couldn't contact any local practitioners. At first we hid in a rental property and studied the Fa. We didn't go out much. We were afraid of being discovered. We weren't able to read Master's new articles or Minghui articles. I held one thought: "Where there are people, there is Fa." After a while, we received new articles sent from practitioners and found a way to access the Minghui website. We started going to Internet cafes to get on the Internet, enabling us to read Master's latest articles in a timely manner. Each time Master published a new article, we would conscientiously copy it, learn it over and over, and try to comprehend it. When we came across a short article, we would memorize it. After reading other practitioners' sharings, we realized that we had to breakthrough this notion that we had to hide. We had go out to clarify the facts. What was the reason I ran away and escaped brainwashing sessions? Wasn't it so that I could validate Dafa and do what Dafa disciples are supposed to do? If I kept hiding, would I still be a Dafa disciple? So I bought a second-hand computer and an old dot matrix printer. I downloaded each day's Minghui articles at the Internet café. When I got home, I edited truth-clarification materials and printed them out myself. From newspapers, magazines, and the Minghui website, I copied a lot of mailing addresses and sent out letters to these addresses. I would send righteous thoughts before I sent out each letter so that each letter would arrive safely, enabling the receivers to understand the truth. I wrote truth-clarification letters to my work colleagues, telling them about the persecution I suffered and the improvements I experienced after I started cultivating. We went from one place to another following what Master did when he was spreading the Fa in different places. We prepared truth-clarification materials and went from city to city to clarify the facts. We went to the homes of relatives and friends. We visited all the family and friends we knew of, and even a small countryside village where the other practitioner had once been sent to work during the Cultural Revolution. On the train and on the coach, both of us worked together. One person would send righteous thoughts, while the other person would clarify the facts from a third party point of view. If one person couldn't clarify the facts fully, the other person would step in to supplement.

When Master's article "Path" was published, I felt more strongly about the serious nature of cultivation. On the cultivation path, there are no pre-made paths and it is not an effortless ride. Whenever I was with the other practitioner, I had a strong sense of reliance. I always thought this practitioner had cultivated well and had enlightened well. Often, this practitioner was up front, while I followed behind.

"A cultivator has no role models. The path each person is to take is different, because each person's foundation is different, the sizes of their various attachments are different, the characteristics of their beings are different, their jobs among everyday people are different, and their family environments are different, and so on. These factors determine that each person's path of cultivation is different, that how they get rid of their attachments is different, and that the sizes of their tests are different. Therefore, amidst the manifestations of things it's very hard to find a path that others have made, and it's even less possible for a person to get a ride down one. If there really were pre-made paths and effortless rides that definitely would not be cultivation."

"Cultivation is hard. It's hard in that even when a terrible calamity strikes, even when evil madly persecutes, and even when your life is at stake, you still have to be able to steadfastly continue on your path of cultivation without letting anything in human society interfere with the steps you take on your path of cultivation." ("Path" in Essentials for Further Advancement II)

Fa study helped me realize that relying on other people's thoughts was like getting a lift, hitching a ride. There are no shortcuts in cultivation. You take a step at a time, leaving your own footprint. We always accessed the Internet through Internet cafes because we were always on the move. When we came across Minghui articles and Master's articles, we'd think of a place where we could print them out. However, it was not easy to print truth clarification materials. I enlightened that I must walk my own path. During Fa study Master hinted that I should utilize the Internet to clarify the facts. We collected a huge number of e-mail addresses and sent truth clarification e-mails to them. The CCP slowly strengthened the Internet blockade. They began to control Internet cafes more and more tightly. Sometimes it was hard to get online and my heart started to waver. My heart beat faster and sometimes my hand would quiver as I moved the mouse. My fellow practitioner sat by my side and sent righteous thoughts. She encouraged me not to fear, and be steady. I corrected my mentality as I sent forth upright thoughts and I became steady. Under Master's strengthening, I broke through the blockade again and again.

"'Cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master'--if you just have that wish you're all set. When it comes to who's actually doing it, it's the master. There's no way you could do that." (Zhuan Falun)

"Could you do that yourself? No, you can't. The master is the one who arranges these things, it's the master who does it. That's why we say, 'Cultivation is up to you, gong is up to the master.' All that you have is that goal, that thought, but it's really the master who takes care of it."(Zhuan Falun)

I have experienced that, as long as I have the heart to do something, Master will help me. Once, I was discovered by the authorities while I was using the Internet at a café in a small town, and we were followed after we left. We sent righteous thoughts and, under Master's care, we escaped before their eyes.

While I was homeless for one-and-a-half years, I encountered different environments and different people. Relatives who understood the facts protected me, relatives who were afraid of being implicated drove me away, other people who didn't understand the facts reported me, and even mafia groups tried to extort money from me. I have been followed. But in the end, we survived under Master's benevolent care. Through all the pains and pleasures that I have been through, I have depended on Master, a lot of Fa study, reciting the Fa, and Minghui articles of practitioners' sharings to help me move forward step by step. Later on, I understood from the Fa principles that homelessness was not the path arranged by Master. Although I was resisting the evil, I was fundamentally walking a path arranged by the old forces. I silently acknowledged the evil's persecution. At this time I also had an incorrect thought - that I would inevitably be arrested. The evil took advantage of this one wrong thought and in October 2002, I was arrested. At the detention center, I felt Master was by my side each and every moment. When my upright thoughts emerged, Master would help. But because I wasn't in a stable mental state, I wasn't able to truly believe in Master and Dafa. Eventually I was sentenced to two years of forced labor, leaving a stain on my cultivation path. In August 2004, I returned home. Having experienced homelessness and forced labor, my family members were afraid I would be persecuted again. They kept a close watch on me. They urged me not to study Dafa books for the time being. I was afraid, too. I didn't dare to take out the books. I was afraid that someone would suddenly barge in. I was afraid that I'd be arrested again. However, I kept longing to study Master's Fa teachings and to keep up with the pace of the Fa rectification. When Master saw that I still had this heart, He arranged for another practitioner send me a CD. With it, I could download all the Dafa books and the latest Minghui articles. I studied dthe Fa on the computer and read Dafa disciples' experience sharings on Minghui. Every week, practitioners brought me the daily Minghui articles for the week. Gradually, my fears and the interfering factors in my mind went away. Meanwhile, I kept clarifying the facts to my family. As my physical condition changed, my family members weren't as scared anymore. A month later, I obtained software from a practitioner to break through the Internet blockade, and, once again, got access to the Minghui website after a long time.

I studied Master's article "Let Go of Human Attachments and Save the World's People," which asked all mainland Dafa disciples to step forward and clarify the truth, bringing it to every field and valley, mountain and hill. I tried to clarify the facts to people face to face. I used the opportunity to explain the facts when I went to buy things. Many times I had the words but found myself unable to speak. I would regret it when I returned home. Once I went to a clothing store. After I made my purchase, I summoned up the courage to tell the young lady about the self-immolation incident. I told her about the beauty of Falun Dafa. The young lady said to me, "No one has ever told me that before. Thank you." From her eyes I could see sentient beings desperately waiting for Dafa. I gave her an amulet(1) and told her to remember that Falun Dafa is good. I told her to tell her friends and family. On the way home, my body felt so light. It was a kind of joy from the bottom of my heart. I knew that Master was encouraging me.

Afterwards, I went back to work. They were appointing new positions. The secretary put me in charge of reception. The receptionist receives the lowest wage. I constantly reminded myself that, as a Dafa disciple, regardless of where I am, I must radiate pure energy. Whatever the work is, I must perform it well and only then can I demonstrate Dafa disciples' demeanor. In the office, people come and go. I took this chance to clarify the facts to my colleagues and the students. A colleague said to me, "I tell everyone that you are a good person. I know you are good. I believe what you say." Later I enlightened that my demotion was the old forces' persecution. I sent upright thoughts to oppose the old forces' persecution. I would walk the path that Master arranged. Not long after, Master arranged for me to move to another post. My wage doubled. In this position I could freely access the Internet and download things. Due to the nature of the work, I obtained a lot of peoples' phone numbers and addresses. I sent them to the Minghui website for overseas practitioners, so that they could make phone calls and clarify the facts to them.

In July 2005, practitioners at the local material production site were arrested one by one. The production site at home went from providing materials for only a few practitioners to printing materials for dozens of people. Producing materials was also a cultivation process. From buying equipment to supplies and maintenance products, we had to master different kinds of technology. We made it with Master taking care of us. I was responsible for downloads, production, and printing, while another practitioner was in charge of distribution. We cooperated well. We began by printing only Master's articles, Dafa books, and "Minghui Weekly" for practitioners. Slowly we started producing different truth clarification materials. We distributed them and clarified the truth on the way to and from work, and during our breaks. As the variety of our materials expanded, we printed on a larger scale. The mentality of doing things arose--regular work during the day, producing materials at night. My time for Fa study decreased. I couldn't absorb the Fa teachings when I studied. I also felt drowsy. This resulted in my arrest in July 2007. I was once again taken to the detention center. I started off with strong righteous thoughts. I didn't cooperate with their orders. But I couldn't maintain righteous thoughts from beginning to end. I couldn't fundamentally oppose the evil's persecution and interference. I wasn't stable. I had attachments. I was afraid that I'd be sent to forced labor again. The moment I emanated this human thought, humanness revealed itself again and I couldn't remember the Fa. A policeman called me outside and asked, "Why don't you sign the guarantee statement? I'm telling you, we'll put you in forced labor for another two years."

Whatever I was afraid of appeared, just as Master had said. Master's words woke me up. Whether or not I was afraid, I could still be sent to forced labor, so I left myself in Master's hands. Everything is arranged by Master. As soon as I had upright thoughts, I immediately felt that a layer of substance in my body did not exist. It was taken away by Master. I remembered the Fa again. I started reciting "Don't be Sad:"

Don't Be Sad

Your body lies in prison--don't be sorrowful, don't be sad
With righteous thoughts and righteous actions, Fa is here
Calmly reflect on how many attachments you have
As you get rid of human mentality, evil is naturally defeated

January 13, 2004

I calmed down and found my attachments. I found my numerous attachments. I also found the attachment of lust, which wasn't easy to detect. When I discovered this one, I hadn't yet been able to deny it fundamentally, allowing the evil to take advantage of it. I brought this tribulation upon myself. Though we use human methods in this period of time, we are, in the end, under Master's care and have received great assistance from fellow practitioners. Also, because my boss and family members all understand the truth, they have strong upright thoughts. They went to the police and used ordinary laws to expose the evil's illegal actions, driving out interference. After I was released from detention, the evil still didn't let up. They made me report to the police station at least once a month. My parents and husband all worried. They wanted me to just deal with it. Through sharing, I realized this was the old forces' arrangement, and I must completely negate it. From that point on, the authorities stopped looking for me.

In January 2008, under Master's arrangement, I came to Australia and immersed myself among overseas disciples validating the Fa. I remember the first time I attended small group Fa study at another practitioner's home, their door was unlocked. The practitioners who came for Fa study all took off their shoes and entered the room. Seeing such a warm, familiar scene, I felt an indescribable feeling emerge from my heart. It reminded me of the time when mainland Chinese practitioners got together for group Fa study before the evil persecution began. I silently thanked Master for giving me this opportunity and vowed to cherish this environment. Overseas, the first thing I was faced with was having to stand up and expose the evil in different public settings. I am an introverted person, and I don't usually like to say much. I felt really uneasy about standing up to expose the evil. I thought, "I'm not a good speaker." Actually, fearing that one is not a good speaker is a strong attachment to self. I recognized that I had a strong sense of vanity--I wanted to save face. Sometimes I clearly knew it was a test, but I would still avoid it. I was afraid of anything that would trigger my attachment. So I held on to it tightly and didn't want to touch it. The first time a practitioner asked me to make a speech, my heart was thumping. Practitioners encouraged me. "You can do it," they said. "This is exposing the evil." I had no choice since they needed me, and I couldn't hide even if I wanted to. So I braced myself and clenched my teeth for the occasion. I knew that this was the time to get rid of this attachment. Because I treated the speech as a way to expose the evil, when I didn't think about myself, I felt kind of light.

When cultivating in a relaxed environment, even though I didn't have the fear I experienced in mainland China, over time my attachment to comfort began to emerge. This is not easy to detect. It's much easier for a cultivator to slack off and thus ruin himself.

"If you are still unclear about what a Fa-rectification disciple is, you won't be able to step forward in the current tribulation, and you will be led by the human world's pursuit of comfort to 'enlighten' along an evil path. Master's heart has always been pained by those who have fallen, and the majority were ruined by that pursuit." (From "Fa-Rectification Period Dafa Disciples," Essentials for Further Advancement II).

I often reminded myself not to be ruined by the pursuit of comfort. Master arranged for me to come to Australia so that I could do even better in the three things. I must cherish this chance to cultivate myself well and realize my historic pledge.

Through twelve years of hardship, Master has led me on my cultivation every step of the way. I have experienced joy, I have experienced suffering. It has been rough. I have arrived where I am today despite tripping and falling. It's Master and Dafa that have changed me from a helpless blade of grass unable to withstand the wind into a Dafa cultivator walking the path of Godhood. Everything Master has given me--I have no way to repay. I can see the enormous gap between me and other practitioners. I am still far from meeting Master's requirements. I can only strive to be diligent, diligent, and more diligent. My level is limited. Fellow practitioners, please kindly correct anything inappropriate.

Note:

(1) Amulets - In China, practitioners sometimes clarify the truth by giving people something small to wear or cherish, bearing a few words reminding them of the goodness of Dafa.