(Clearwisdom.net) Lately I haven't been able to enter tranquility when practicing the Falun Gong exercises. I couldn't stop thinking about truth-clarification work, about things I had discussed with fellow practitioners, and about my work. I kept thinking about these things when I sent forth righteous thoughts as well. I kept thinking about things I had done. I realized I was in a bad cultivation state and I wondered whether I was attached to fame. It is fine to think about how to clarify the truth better, but it becomes an attachment if one keeps thinking about it afterwards. I must let go of the past, for thinking about it will only exhaust me and take a toll on my doing the three things and saving sentient beings.
Cultivation is about cultivating oneself. But when I clarify the truth to save sentient beings, it is as though my goal is to change and persuade others. I felt as though I lacked the ability to convey my wishes despite my efforts. Have I made a mistake when clarifying the truth and saving people? Of course not! It is a good and noble cause to save sentient beings and it helps to improve my cultivation practice. In other words, it is a Falun Gong practitioner's responsibility and prehistoric grand pledge to save sentient beings. So what was my trouble?
As I searched inward, I detected some deeply hidden attachments, including the mentality of showing off, and attachments of zealotry and achievement. When people I clarify the truth to are receptive, I feel very pleased with myself. When people are not receptive, I feel rejected and depressed, which shows my attachment to sentimentality. Such sentimentality could affect my truth-clarification work and compromise sentient beings' chance for salvation. Moreover, such sentimentality could keep me from persevering in truth-clarification work. Haven't I obtained all of my capabilities and understandings of the Fa from the Fa? I must not harbor any wish but the wish to save people. I may be clarifying the truth to people on the surface, but it has always been Teacher saving sentient beings. When I clarify the truth well, it is because I am in the Fa. When people are receptive, it is the power of the Fa that changes their hearts and destroys the evil beings in other dimensions.
It is like how an ordinary person is incapable of healing with his ordinary thoughts or hands. If we think like everyday people, their thoughts might affect us when we clarify the truth, and prevent people from accepting the truth. Therefore, we must persevere in studying the Fa, keeping righteous thoughts and eliminating bad thoughts we might carry.
Some people are overcome with their karma when they are not receptive to the truth. It is because their karma is afraid of being eliminated if their hosts should accept the truth. In this situation, I should send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate such negative elements behind them. There is no reason for me to feel rejected or frustrated.
It is important to bear these words in mind when we help people to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and/or its two affiliated student leagues. Teacher said,
"Dafa disciples' working against the persecution is what takes place on the surface, but the reality is that these are acts of saving people, saving sentient beings." ("Clarification")
It it the same with the issue of focusing on fellow practitioners' problems. I was attached to persuading fellow practitioners to "see reason" while I am already beyond the help of reason. The old forces are exploiting my loopholes by manipulating me to point fingers.
When this happens, I must remind myself that this is not the real me. I must not accept the old forces' arrangements. I must not focus on fellow practitioners' attachments. I must cultivate myself. Teacher said,
"Learning the Fa should be voluntary. If a student does not want to do so from the bottom of his heart, no problems can be solved. Instead, tensions may arise. Tensions will intensify if this isn't corrected, thus severely undermining people's learning the Fa. [...] First off, you should treat yourself as one of the students instead of considering yourself above them." ("How to Provide Assistance" in Essentials for Further Advancement)
Although we may kindly point out fellow practitioners' attachments, we must be careful not to be attached to making them change. It is incumbent upon Teacher to guide every practitioner, including myself.
When I rectify my thoughts with the Fa and make efforts to suppress and eliminate bad thoughts, karma and interference in my energy field, and when I vigilantly guard my thoughts, I become calmer and send forth righteous thoughts more effectively.
During the process of doing the three things, our xinxing problems will be exposed. Only when we upgrade our xinxing level will we be able to better save sentient beings.
Please kindly point out anything inappropriate in my understandings.