(Clearwisdom.net) I have been quite busy since the Chinese New Year. I have not had much time to study the Fa and have had a hard time calming my mind. Now that several of my Fa-validating projects are coming to an end, I would like to sit down to quietly examine my cultivation.

When Shen Yun Performing Arts was forced to cancel its performances in Hong Kong, I became more clear on one thing from deep within my heart. It is that my own cultivation and consummation are so insignificant when compared with the Fa rectification. The most important thing is how we assist Master in Fa rectification, save sentient beings, and fulfill Master's wishes. We should follow Master at all times. That is to say, we should do what needs to be done as true cultivators to validate our firm belief in Master and the Fa, and at the same time validate the Fa.

As the Fa rectification proceeds through today, Master has already revealed the Fa to us quite obviously,

"All of the gong and Fa lie in the book, and one will naturally obtain them by reading Dafa." ("Seeking Discipleship with Teacher" from Essentials for Further Advancement)

My problem is not that I don't study the Fa enough, it is actually that my will is not strong enough. That is, the part of my main consciousness that should truly understand the Fa is lacking, so my righteous thoughts are lacking. It is like what Master said in "Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan:"

"...when your righteous thoughts are inadequate and not in line with the Fa, you will be cut off from the Fa's power, and it will seem like you are alone and getting no help."

This is reflected in me when I do Fa-validating projects. I feel tired both mentally and physically and can't really use any supernormal abilities.

My biggest issue is validating myself. I do it so subconsciously that I don't even realize it. This has bothered me a lot in the past year. It is something that I've really tried to pay attention to, but it has been very difficult to eliminate this attachment. It seems to be deeply rooted and is related to many other attachments, such as showing off, competitiveness, becoming overjoyed, the attachment to reputation and personal gain, and so on. When we have these attachments, it's almost impossible to not be validating oneself. Thus, although I was very eager to eliminate this attachment, I wasn't able to, and I still validated myself without even noticing it. When I looked at it from a rational point of view, I realized that it requires a foundation of solid and long cultivation. After eliminating all these other attachments, one should be able to reach the state of being completely selfless and no longer validating oneself, so I began focusing on following Master's teachings and cultivated myself by including every thought that was on my mind.

During the past few years, I have had several tribulations with fellow practitioners. These fellow practitioners and I have worked together for a long time, and, looking back, I have some regrets. I still seem to have some unworthy opinions about a fellow practitioner who is very close to me, which I know come from my own mentalities and attachments, and subconsciously I know this is my fault. Sometimes, however, I just want to run away and don't want to face the conflicts. But I don't think this is still a major issue. I know that some day I will be able to have sufficient compassion and forgiveness.

Upon looking within, I sometimes still seek understanding from ordinary people as well as fellow practitioners, hoping that they will understand me. Whenever they do not, I feel sad in my heart. Now that I think about it, however, this is due to my emotions and insufficient breadth of mind. It is the human mentality that is wanting to get things. What should a true practitioner be like? It should be like what Mater has taught us in the Fa:

"...when a cultivator truly suffers some form of loss he simply laughs it off." ("Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan")

Practitioners should be able to reach this state. Knowing the Fa that Master taught us, I will try to follow it.

Another issue that I've had in the past year has been a state of mind of being "cold" or "indifferent." This directly interferes with my validating the Fa and saving sentient beings. I feel cold toward many things and detached toward my family. Sometimes when I clarify truth to people, I speak as if am looking down on them. This is not just on the surface, but it shows that I have no compassion deep in my heart (I clarify the truth in a calm but almost mechanical manner). On the surface, it seems that I am doing the three things Master has asked us to do, and fellow practitioners have said that I'm doing a good job. I am also becoming more and more mature on some of these issues, yet my mind for genuine cultivation has fallen behind. When I study the Fa, I am more like an everyday "scholar." When I do things, I look like a skilled technician. Giving up human emotions is not a bad thing in cultivation, but emotions should be replaced with compassion, not "coldness." Otherwise it will still be a human emotion. We should try to eliminate all the negative substances unconditionally so that true compassion can naturally emerge.

I often feel that Master is right with me, and I have become increasingly clear about my prehistoric vows of assisting Master during Fa rectification and saving sentient beings. One day when I was walking on the street, tears came to my eyes. I realized that no matter how hard I cultivated, I couldn't reach the level that I asked myself to reach in my prehistorical vows. No matter how hard I cultivate, I am still only a small speck of dust in this boundless Dafa. Only with Master's immeasurable compassion surrounding me can I have this chance to cultivate in Dafa, which makes fulfilling my prehistorical vow possible.

When we are able to look at ourselves rationally, we will know how we should walk our paths in the future. All of the shortcomings that we have are a precise part of our path for future cultivation. Dafa has made me more mature. I can now look inside myself more rationally and cultivate myself more solidly.