(Clearwisdom.net) For a long time, I had felt that something was blocking me from assimilating into the Fa. I found some attachments, but I wasn't able to find their roots. Wondering what my fundamental attachment is, I tried to remember my thinking from when I just started cultivation. I have always felt that there was something missing.

The first attachment I discovered was my attachment to fame. Fellow practitioners had always told me how well I had cultivated. But I always felt embarrassed when I observed my cultivation state. Though fellow practitioners already knew that I had written a guarantee statement, I avoided ever mentioning it. I felt that it was a disgrace and kept it to myself, reluctant to reveal it.

Once during a sharing, I talked about my resistance to writing a guarantee statement and even tried to dodge the subject. A fellow practitioner told me that I had a strong selfish motive and needed to look inward. The practitioner’s words stirred up my emotions. Yes, why did I not dare to face this thing? Why was it so hard for me to speak out? What was the attachment behind it? I had to find it and expose it.

My attachment to fame is reflected in all aspects of my cultivation. Although I began cultivation relatively late, I have studied the Fa a great deal. Fellow practitioners always compliment me for having a pure nature and good understanding of Fa. I knew this was encouragement from fellow practitioners and I told myself not to develop the attachment of complacency and to cultivate more diligently. Over time, I occasionally felt that I had better enlightenment quality than my fellow practitioners. Later, when I heard praise, I accepted it without any second thought. Isn't this like ordinary people only wanting to listen to compliments?

I always quoted Teacher's words in order to validate myself while sharing experiences with others. I was unwilling to admit my mistake despite knowing I was wrong. I told myself that since I knew I was wrong it would be all right if I made a correction later. My attachments included vanity, saving face, self validation, competitive mentality, jealousy, and so on. As I took a look further inward for my attachments, I was surprised to see the degree of my selfishness. I tried to protect myself from being harmed in the greatest extent. When anyone else touched on my attachment, I would justify it to fellow practitioners so that they would not have a negative impression of me. When I helped fellow practitioners, my tone of speech was as tactful as possible so that fellow practitioners would think I was kind and genial and avoided saying harsh words to keep from offending others.

Then why did I seek fame? It was to prove how well I had cultivated. For some time, I thought that the amount of Dafa work I did was the measure of how well I cultivated. Although I had done the three things, I emphasized doing Dafa work, feeling that how much I had done was how well I cultivated. When I read sharing articles from the Minghui Weekly, I felt both envy and anxiety. I felt I was lagging far behind and should try to do more work to not fall behind in the Fa-rectification process. Why was I afraid of falling behind? What was I afraid of? I feared that I couldn't reach consummation. Why was I afraid of being unable to reach consummation?

When I kept looking deeper, I realized that I was afraid of discomfort. I suddenly understood that this was it. The mindset had been hiding in plain sight and I wasn't able to find it. I found the long-standing fundamental attachment that I had been looking for, the longing for consummation. Of course cultivators longing for consummation is not necessarily wrong, but they should not be obsessed with consummation, or cling to the “good life” of ordinary people. Dafa practitioners in the Fa-rectification period have higher requirements and must be selfless in saving sentient beings.

Words cannot express my gratitude to Teacher. I now clearly grasp that “cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one’s master.” (Zhuan Falun). Today, I will remove this “beautiful” facade, get rid of the selfish shell of the old universe, assimilate into the Fa, and do the three things well.