(Clearwisdom.net) Since April 25, 1999, the biggest interference to my cultivation until recently was the mentality of fear. In the past, I was so afraid that I couldn't calmly study the Fa, couldn't send forth pure righteous thoughts, and couldn't actively clarify the truth to people. For a long time, I couldn't break through such a state. I felt that if I could not make a breakthrough, I would not be strong enough to keep pace with Master's Fa- rectification process amidst evil tests and I might even be destroyed by the evil. I tried many times to eliminate it, but still couldn't completely remove it at the root. I was deeply frustrated.
Half a month ago, the radiator pipe in my house had a very bad leak. I realized that it could not be just an accident. I calmed down and thought it over. It must have had something to do with my cultivation. It must have been Master giving me a hint about a serious omission I still had in my cultivation. Where was my omission? It was my fear. I knew that whether the leak can be repaired or not depended on whether I could rectify myself.
Because I am raising my 22-month-old child by myself, in the past year, when my workplace and the police tried to arrest me, I had to take my child with me after being forced to leave home to avoid further persecution. I could not study the Fa with a calm heart, and my fear became increasingly intensified by the evil. As my home is just across the street from the local police station, I was so frightened that for several months I did not even dare to turn the lights on in the evening. How could I still be a dignified Dafa practitioner with such behavior? I realized how serious the problem was. So I sent my child to a daycare center and started to calmly study the Fa. After I read through Essentials for Further Advancement II, my righteous thoughts became more powerful immediately. My state of cultivation changed suddenly, and I felt I had become a Dafa particle, firm and indestructible.
I understood why Master asked us to calmly study the Fa every day. My tears poured out and I found the root of my fear - selfishness. Although I had been safeguarding the Fa all this time, I didn't place the Fa as the top priority. After I truly discovered my attachment of selfishness, facing the picture of our mighty and benevolent Master, I could only cry uncontrollably.
On the surface, I have been safeguarding the Fa: I was fired from my job because I refused to give up my cultivation practice; I have twice been to Beijing and validated the Fa at Tiananmen Square. But all this did not change my fundamental attachment, which was that I could not properly balance the relationship between Dafa and myself. In the past, I only knew that we could reach Consummation in cultivating Dafa. I didn't understand the relationship between Dafa and myself - I'm a Dafa particle. Only by unconditionally melting all of myself into Dafa, can I qualify to exist within Dafa. In the past, I often thought about how to use Dafa to protect myself and rarely thought about how to protect the Fa. I only wanted to gain from Dafa.
Only now do I seem to understand what the Fa is. It is the basis for creating the entire universe. Master has given Fa-rectification disciples the best of everything. Have I truly reached the standard of being selfless and fully melted myself into the Fa? In front of the fundamental principle of the universe, I no longer feel swollen with pride for what I have done in Fa-rectification. In front of the omnipotent Dafa of the universe, I have no more fear, because the Fa has permeated my whole life, and in my life the only important thing is the Fa. I have developed a powerful righteous thought that I will safeguard the mighty Dafa with all of my life. At this moment, I feel the mighty power of the Fa and I feel that I am indestructible.
Recently, I often thought about those who have enlightened along an evil path and were compromised by force. If a practitioner had taken Dafa as the top priority at all times, had always remembered their mission and responsibility of a practitioner in Fa-rectification, and had always understood that whether we did well or not in the tests had a direct impact on the reputation of the Fa, not an issue concerning only our personal improvement, then how could we do anything that would damage Dafa? Only by our completely merging into the Fa, can we be pure, righteous and unselfish, can we be qualified to be a disciple of the Lord of Buddhas and will we not bring disgrace to the sacred missions of Dafa disciples in Fa-rectification.
In Fa-rectification cultivation, in order to break through the arrangement of the old forces and follow the cultivation path arranged by our Master, we must study the Fa with a calm heart and use the Fa to correct our impurity and degenerated notions at all times. The reason that the evil can persecute us is because we still have notions that conform to the evil.
It is my personal understanding that if we cannot place Dafa as top priority during the Fa-rectification cultivation, we cannot cultivate to the end and we will be weeded out in Fa-rectification. Because the new universe is absolutely pure, if we cannot cultivate to become a selfless enlightened being, we will have no way to exist in the new universe. Because we have selfishness, the old forces have excuses to persecute us; because we are not pure, they have opportunities to persecute us.
Studying the Fa with a calm heart is the most important thing in cultivation. Only through Fa study, can one establish righteous beliefs in the Fa.
Several days later, the radiator pipe in my house still leaked, but it only leaked one drop of water every half an hour. I believe that once I have rectified myself, it will stop leaking.
