(Clearwisdom.net) In the beginning of 1999, I found a Falun Gong (or Falun Dafa) exercise practice site and began my journey of cultivation practice.
On March 19, 1999, I went to the municipal auditorium with a ticket that a Falun Gong volunteer assistant had given me and attended the local Falun Gong practitioners' cultivation experience sharing conference. Afterwards I thought, "Falun Gong is capable of purifying a cultivator's heart. Falun Gong is a pure place. It is truly wonderful." As a result, when I heard that we needed a television to play the exercise instruction video at the outdoor exercise practice site to promote Falun Gong, I bought a color TV and took it to the practice site to help with the cause.
On July 20, 1999, Jiang Zemin and his henchmen started to openly persecute Falun Gong and its practitioners. At the time, I had not studied the Fa enough, so my thoughts and fears got the better of me. I succumbed to Jiang's regime's terrorist tactics and wrote a guarantee not to practice Falun Gong again.
Afterwards I seemed to have been possessed by a demon, because I not only surrendered all of my Falun Gong books to the police, but also destroyed them and did things disrespectful to Teacher.
Fortunately there were some sparks of conscience left in me, and I was able to calm me down and contemplate what Falun Gong is really about. Then I realized what horrible things I had done. There is absolutely nothing wrong with cultivating myself in order to assimilate to the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance! I also remembered that, after practicing Falun Gong for only a few months, my chronic arthritis had disappeared completely. These are solid facts. How could I be so foolish! I felt so ashamed of myself that I decided that Teacher would not take me as a disciple any more because I had committed such horrific crimes against Teacher and Falun Gong. I said to my daughter, who is also a practitioner, "Mommy won't be a bother to you cultivators any more. Just let me be. My best wishes on your cultivation practice."
To be responsible for Falun Gong and for me, fellow practitioners in the area patiently encouraged me to resume my cultivation practice. As if I had suddenly awakened up from a nightmare, I returned to my cultivation practice under the guidance of Falun Gong in July 2000. One day in August 2000, I made a wish. "Teacher, if I should lose faith in Falun Gong again, please eliminate both my body and soul." Looking at Teacher beaming kindly in the photograph, I cried, regretful of my past wrongs.
On October 1, 2000, my daughter, my son-in-law and their baby son went to Beijing to appeal for the end to the persecution against Falun Gong. On October 8, the Beijing police escorted them back to our town. My daughter and my son-law were each sentenced to two years in a forced-labor camp. My daughter was then incarcerated in Masanjia Forced Labor Camp in Shenyang, Liaoning Province, while my son-in-law was incarcerated in another forced-labor camp. I was left with their three-year-old baby son. I spent my days caring for my grandson and my husband, who had to rely on my care after a stroke. This was nothing compared to the torment of neglecting Fa study, practicing the Falun Gong exercises, and clarifying the truth about Falun Gong. I felt miserable, until one day my grandson suddenly sat up straight on the bed and recited this verse from Hongyin:
"The Buddha light illuminates everywhere,
Propriety and justice rectify and harmonize everything.
Strive forward together,
A bright future lies ahead."(From "In Harmony With the Fa" in Hongyin)
I was so amazed by my grandson's behavior. Teacher must be giving me a hint through my grandson's lips! I must not be saturated with emotion. I must step out and do what a Falun Gong practitioner should do when Falun Gong suffers from this most senseless persecution. Coincidently, I ran into a fellow practitioner, who gave me a copy of an article that Teacher had just published.
Since that day, I have moved forward in cultivation practice. Studying the Fa became an important daily routine for me. For the past few years, I have been studying Zhuan Falun every day. I would study at most three lectures of Zhuan Falun a day, or study one lecture at a minimum. I have memorized "Lunyu," Hongyin, and some shorter articles that Teacher wrote.
In April 2001, some fellow practitioners in the area suggested that we exchange cultivation experiences. I said to a coordinator, "My door is open." Because of Teacher's compassionate protection and my fellow practitioners' hard work, a local practitioners' experience sharing conference was held, with the music of Pudu, at my home. First, we studied Teacher's new articles together. Then several practitioners shared their reflections on their trips to Beijing to appeal on behalf of Falun Gong. Other practitioners shared how they searched inward to remove their secular attachments or helped others find their attachments. The conference took place from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. That night, I dreamed of a sky full of rotating Falun in many different colors and sizes. It was a spectacularly grand vision.
In May 2001, Teacher published the article "A Suggestion." Some practitioners then suggested that we should somehow deliver the new article to practitioners in the forced-labor camps and prisons. I had a feeling that I should get my daughter to read the article, so I carried a copy of the article and got on the train to Shenyang. When I got off the train, I took a taxi to Masanjia Forced Labor Camp.
The taxi driver started to chitchat and asked me the purpose of my trip to Masanjia. I told him that Jiang's henchmen had abducted and incarcerated my daughter because she had courageously stepped forward to clarify the truth about Falun Gong. Next, I started to share some important facts about Falun Gong with him. I said, "Do you know why Jiang decided to persecute Falun Gong? It is because Falun Gong, as a most righteous cultivation practice, has appealed to more than 100 million people. The founder of Falun Gong requires his students to conduct themselves according to the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance. Those who practice Falun Gong are good and kind-hearted people who will not fight back when they are beaten or sworn at. As an immoral tyrant, wouldn't Jiang fear his opposite?" The driver kept nodding in agreement, "Auntie, you said it!" [In China, it is polite and affectionate to address an older woman outside the family as aunt.] When I arrived at Masanjia Forced Labor Camp, I had a chance to dine with my daughter. I took the opportunity to slip her the article. I said to her, "The forced labor camp tries to make you read fake articles. Now I am bringing you an article that Teacher actually wrote. You and the other practitioners here must study it well!" Having no attachment to fear, I returned home safely.
On June 12, 2001, the Minghui website published a notice, "Sending Forth Righteous Thoughts," with photographs of Teacher demonstrating the two hand gestures and the two formulas for sending forth righteous thoughts. The notice also explained the purpose and the importance of sending forth righteous thoughts. Teacher said,
"In order to lessen the persecution of Dafa and Dafa disciples, I have asked disciples to send forth righteous thoughts to clear away the damage these beings deliberately do to the Fa-rectification, thereby lessening what Dafa disciples should not endure during the persecution and, at the same time, saving all sentient beings and consummating Dafa disciples' paradises."
("The Effect of Righteous Thoughts" in Essentials for Further Advancement II.)
I realized that I am shouldering a very important mission. I decided to follow Teacher and started to send forth righteous thoughts. The only problem was that I still could not do the double lotus (putting up both legs on top of each other) at the time. It was a challenge to me. Once, when I was exchanging cultivation experiences with a fellow practitioner, I mentioned that I had difficulty putting up both legs on top of each other. He said, "It is a xinxing (mind nature or moral value) problem. You are avoiding hardship." I was shattered by his words because he really nailed my attachment. I was avoiding the pain associated with doing the double lotus. After I returned home, I said to myself, "In order to send forth righteous thoughts properly, I have to put up both legs on top of each other. And I shall do so tonight." It was exactly as Teacher said, "Righteous thoughts display the might of Gods." (From "New Year's Greetings from Master") A miracle happened that night. After pressing my right leg down for a while, I tried to put my left leg up. On the first try, my left leg touched my right leg slightly. In the second try, I could put both legs on top of each other! Although it was unbearably painful, I bit my teeth and endured the pain for several minutes. On the third attempt, I could endure the pain for more than 20 minutes. I was really surprised. I kept saying, "Thank you, Teacher!"
In September 2001, a righteous thought surfaced, prompting me to go to Beijing to appeal for Falun Gong. However, I had difficulty leaving home because of my disabled husband. Several fellow practitioners volunteered to help take care of my husband after they learned of my intention. They said, "Don't you worry about anything. Just concentrate on appealing for Falun Gong. We will not only take care of your husband, but also send forth righteous thoughts to help reinforce your righteous thoughts." Because of my steadfast faith in Teacher and Falun Gong, as well as fellow practitioners' high expectations, I got on the train to Beijing on October 7, 2001. I kept on chanting the formulas for sending forth righteous thoughts on the train. The next morning, immediately after I got off the train, I took a taxi to Tiananmen Square. I shouted out loud, "Falun Dafa is good! Clear my Teacher's good name!" After shouting these words, I turned and walked towards the exit of the Tiananmen Square. I saw a middle-aged man running and barking at a radio, "Hurry to the west side of Tiananmen Square! Someone is shouting about Falun Gong." I knew the man was referring to me, but I had no fear. I returned home safely.
When it comes to clarifying the truth to the Chinese people to offer them Teacher's salvation, I have been distributing materials containing important facts about Falun Gong and talking to people directly about the truth of Falun Gong. If I see a friend or an acquaintance, I will cut to the chase and share with them the truth about Falun Gong directly. If I see a complete stranger, I will go up to him, chitchat, and find an opportune moment to clarify the truth.
I have learned a valuable lesson in my cultivation practice and on my journey of clarifying the truth about Falun Gong: only when I study the Fa well will I have righteous thoughts and righteous actions; only when I have a steadfast faith in Teacher and the Fa can I brave the difficulties and see "bright flowers and another village ahead."
Beginning in March 2004, I started to memorize Zhuan Falun. I was inspired by a practitioner's article in Minghui Weekly about his experience of memorizing Zhuan Falun. Hard work does pay off. I am memorizing Zhuan Falun for the second time, and now I have progressed to lecture eight for the second time. I also have been memorizing Teacher's new articles and listening to Teacher's audio Fa lectures. Although I am memorizing the Fa at a slow pace, it has such a remarkable effect on me. I feel like I am branding every word of Zhuan Falun on my brain. Because I study, memorize, and recite the Fa diligently, I am becoming increasingly clearheaded, rational, and mature.
This concludes my humble cultivation history and reflections. Each time I search inward, I still find a lot of human thoughts, but please be assured that I will strive forward even further in the final stage of Fa-rectification.
Please kindly correct anything erroneous.
(From the First Written Experience Sharing Conference for Practitioners in China)
