Self-Examination

By a Falun Gong practitioner in Shandong Province, China

(Clearwisdom.net) I started my Falun Gong cultivation practice approximately at the end of 2000. At the time, I really envied veteran practitioners who had started their practices earlier for their better cultivation states, so I was highly motivated to catch up with them. Driven by my ambition to improve, I started to distribute materials containing important facts about Falun Gong and the persecution against Falun Gong when I saw veteran practitioners doing the same. I did this despite the fact that I did not quite understand the meaning of Fa-rectification at that time. This was how I began as a Fa-rectification disciple.

As the persecution escalated, I became increasingly fearful for my personal safety. On the other hand, I knew I must help to clarify the truth about Falun Gong and help offer people Teacher's salvation, so I devised a strategy to escape from the scene when I was seen distributing truth-clarification materials. I would pretend I was looking for a friend and gave them his name. Naturally they would tell me no one by that name lived in that community, and then I could leave without raising suspicion.

I came up with several similar strategies I repeatedly used to escape. At the time, I did not realize that I had been lying and repeatedly violating one of Falun Gong's cultivation principles, that of Truthfulness. I thought, "I did not make up the friend I said I was looking for. He does exist. Although I knew he did not live in your community, I had done nothing but wasting only a few minutes of your time. So I have not violated Falun Gong's cultivation principle of Truthfulness."

No one pointed out my attachment, and I was unable to identify it, so I was stuck with this problem for a long time. (In hindsight, the real problem was that I did not want to face my attachments). Although I kept talking and thinking about completely denying the old forces, in my heart I had no idea how to do this. That's how the old forces' arrangements got the better of me. I think that now I have a better understanding of how to completely deny the old forces' arrangements. Had I then completely denied the old forces and their arrangements, I am confident that I would not have encountered any interference or had any trouble escaping from danger if all my actions were righteous.

This problem kept haunting me until the end of September 2004. One day I rode my bicycle to distribute truth-clarification materials as usual. I planned on distributing the materials to a dormitory with an obscure and difficult to access entryway. On the way there, I kept worrying about being able to enter the dormitory safely. The more I worried, the more distressed I became. Finally, I realized that I was not behaving like a cultivator at all. How would a great enlightened being respond to a situation like this? I had no idea, but I was sure he wouldn't be behaving like I was at all. Suddenly, I thought of Teacher's words when he said:

Then, everything became clear to me. Everyday people's suffering, sickness and tribulations originate from their karma, whereas the interference and troubles we encounter while assisting Teacher with his Fa-rectification originate from our lack of purity and sacredness. The Fa-rectification is already approaching its end, yet I was still overcome with countless worldly thoughts. I asked myself if this standard was as high as I could achieve in my current cultivation realm. Was I acting like someone the world's people expect to hear Teacher's salvation from? It became perfectly clear to me that I had been terribly wrong for many years. Teacher said:

Have I met Teacher's great expectations?

This is how I rectified my thoughts: I had thought of returning to the dormitory in a raincoat for a better disguise one wet day, but I ended up carrying on with fearlessly distributing the material. No one questioned my presence there or asked what I was doing. No one interfered with my work because I had come to offer Teacher's salvation and because I was following Teacher's arrangements.

It turns out that cultivation is easy as long as I am willing to rectify my heart. It turns out that I do the Fa-rectification work well as long as I am acting selflessly towards the world's people. My understanding of this subject is limited to my current cultivation level. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
Chinese version available at http://minghui.ca/mh/articles/2005/2/28/96327.html

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