Mistakes I Made on My Cultivation Path Illustrate How the Communist Evil Specter Distorts Human Nature

By a practitioner from Mainland China

(Clearwisdom.net) The publication of Nine Commentaries on Communist Party shocked all the people who have been victims of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). The number of people withdrawing from the CCP is increasing daily. As cultivators, we should not only eliminate this evil spirit with righteous thoughts, but also let people understand the origin of such an evil spirit and its viciousness.

I always wondered why I had so many ups and downs on my cultivation path. Moreover, recently I was terrorized inside by a kind of unseen dark minion of the old forces. I felt I was pulled in their direction further and further away from the Fa. I knew clearly that their purpose was to pull me down from my cultivation path, to destroy me and stop me from being a Dafa practitioner. I knew that the evil took advantage of my omissions when I did not study the Fa well and my righteous thoughts were weak. Only recently did I begin to realize that not only did I not have a clear understanding of the communist evil spirit, but was also not firm while eliminating them. Hence I am writing this out to remind fellow practitioners, who may have the same issues as mine, to be more rational and clear in eliminating the communist evil spirit. It is not over when one just announces his withdrawal from the CCP. In fact, there are many traces of the CCP in our thoughts and conduct which we need to eliminate completely.

I came from a poor family. My parents, brothers and sisters are all illiterate. I was fortunate to go to college. I credited such fortune completely to the CCP.

My wish came true when I entered a university in Beijing. At graduation, because I had a good "political background," I was assigned to the Chinese Academy of Sciences in Beijing. The CCP made me a person of the kind it wanted. In order to join the CCP, I repeatedly submitted applications. Moreover, I wrote "statements" to report my daily thinking (note: this is a kind of formality to show people's eagerness to be a CCP member) every three or five days. As I mentally matured, the party's evil culture left many imprints on me, which covered everything from my thoughts to my behavior. It almost became the biggest obstacle and interference on my cultivation path; I have paid with most painful cost.

After I began cultivation, I gradually had some understandings about the evil nature and brutality of the CCP. However, that understanding was based on my own perspective, having grown up immersed in CCP culture. I did not realize the influence of the CCP culture on myself, which made it almost impossible to eliminate it. Now I realize that many mistakes I had made can be traced to that culture. The Party is an evil life that combines all bad and degenerate things in the bottom level of the universe. All kinds of reflections in the human society have a close relation with it.

I have been bothered by my bad temper in my cultivation, but it was hard for me to change. I lacked patience, often lost my temper when things went differently from my plan, or if someone had a different idea. I did not have compassion for them, nor did I have much flexibility when talking or dealing with people. This made it difficult for others to accept me. I always measured other people with the Fa rather than cultivating myself. With many problems I encountered during the Fa-rectification, I did not see them from the standpoint of the Fa, and thus my conduct showed a large deviation from the Fa.

Under the influence of the evil party culture, I did things without much thinking. I did whatever the leaders or the party wanted me to do. Moreover, I did everything with full involvement without thinking of the consequences, which tended to go to extremes. When the persecution against Dafa had just started, I went to Tiananmen many times and thought that I did not have any fear. Now I realize that my attachment of fear was large. Dafa has a higher requirement on its disciples. I realized that my "fearlessness" in the early stage contained irrationality similar to "joining in the revolution" of the CCP culture, rather than the holy, merciful and benevolent fearlessness that Dafa requires us to achieve. The state of fearlessness in Dafa is the strong determination to devote oneself to the truth.

In cultivation, I am the kind of person who tends to go to extremes. Each time when Master taught the Fa on something, I often went to extremes with my human notions based on one or two sentences of the Fa. Each time, I later realized that I should not have gone to such an extreme, but only after having suffered serious lessons.

I come from the generation that had Lei Feng as a role model. This affected my cultivation. Though Master has repeatedly emphasized that we have to do things according to the Fa, I did not pay much attention to this. I often set those whom I thought cultivated very well as role models. I often shared experiences with them and learned from them. However, the mistakes I made on my path were mostly caused by the fact that I did not recognize that although these role models all looked very good on the surface, their words and conduct had deviated from the Fa.

My first setback came from a comment one of those I had mistakenly looked upon as a role model made: "You are able to not be afraid of death for Dafa; you have passed the test of firmness. It is now time to cultivate harmony, so you do not need to go to Tiananmen anymore." At that time, I was not sure if it was right. In the brainwashing class, this idea of "It is now time to cultivate harmony" made me accept the evil reasoning. After I came out, I realized my mistake and immediately published a solemn statement. However, on the issue of "transformation", I still have not completely resolved it from the standpoint of the Fa. Although I read the books over and over again and had some understanding, the issue still remained. After I was sent to the labor camp, I once again made the same kind of mistake and enlightened along an evil path. I was in pain and hated myself for making the same mistake twice. After I was released, I tried hard to look for reasons. I found that it was because I learned from people and not from the Fa. People I held up as role models have a big influence on me. I thought that they had cultivated so well that I only needed to follow them when things happened. I forgot that they are also cultivators. They can also make mistakes. During cultivation, we still have many human notions. I understand from the Fa that there is only one standard to measure good or bad, that is, "Truth-Compassion-Forbearance." Whether a practitioner is correct or not should be measured by the Fa and not by a person's own standard.

Not long ago, when studying the Fa, I often felt that there was an invisible wall between me and the Fa., and I could not find the cause. While studying Master's teaching on denying the old forces' arrangements, I could not understand the Fa, even though I was reading the words. I was deeply bothered, but did not know why and what the wall was. Now I am clear that it was the evil communist specter that made trouble. It did not want me to assimilate to Dafa. Deep in my heart, I still had an illusion for the party, thinking that although it is not good, it still has a chance to change for the better. This illusion gave the communist evil specter the excuse to stay inside my body, so I could not eliminate it completely and my righteous thoughts remained weak.

Before I became aware of this specter, it was hard to eliminate it. Once I realized it, I was determined not to leave any room for it and wanted to eliminate it completely. I hope that fellow practitioners all recognize the seriousness of this issue. It is not as simply the surface issue of writing a renunciation, a "statement of withdrawing from the CCP and its affiliated organizations." For those of us who have lived in an environment of the communist evil specter, many of our habits and ways of thinking have been influenced by it. Now Master has exposed the nature of the communist evil specter, and it is extremely important for each Dafa disciple to eliminate its interference and destructive influence. This directly affects the three things that Master has repeatedly told us we should do well.

April 20, 2005

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