Tempering One's Heart and Will

By a practitioner in Mainland China

(Clearwisdom.net) I can recall that before 1999 (prior to the persecution of Falun Gong) I had never been very active in introducing Falun Gong to others. I did so at my convenience and without much effort. Although my initial motive to practice Falun Gong was for self-improvement, I never had any doubt about Teacher's Fa. Now, I realize that my lack of enthusiasm in spreading the Fa was due to my own narrow mindset, which was based on the principles of the old cosmos.

I believed that whether a person can be saved was that person's business, and that whether a person will be doomed or saved was completely up to the laws of the universe. I even thought that people deserve their own fate. I thought that I wouldn't feel surprised or even moved if thousands of people died in front of me--that this was the path people chose for themselves, and who could they blame but themselves?

Since I had a solid foundation in my personal cultivation, my cultivation path during this period was fairly smooth. It was easy to overcome various tribulations and hardships. It was only upon entering the Fa-rectification period that I began to realize how serious and difficult cultivation really is. I continuously encountered tribulations where I had to decide whether to relinquish the notion of self (especially those notions from the old cosmos) and to unconditionally walk the path directed by Teacher. The process of passing every test and making choices was so intense and profound that afterwards I felt like a new person. Fortunately, I was able to pass all the tests. My personal experiences provided evidence of the limitations of the old laws and the magnificence and purity of the new cosmos bestowed by Teacher. Now, I want to share some of my understandings and improvements during my truth clarification work.

After I started participating in Fa-rectification efforts, it took me a long time to truly see the significance of saving sentient beings. The process is like a drop of water falling into the ocean. From my initial skeptical attitude, I wholeheartedly devoted myself to truth clarification and later become pretty good at it. What a great transformation this brought in me! It was a renewal, a renewal by my conscious choice.

The first time I distributed truth clarification flyers I was very nervous. My hands were trembling, my heart was pumping and I was sweating. The foundation formed by my years of personal cultivation collapsed at that moment. As if committing a shameful act, I was panic-stricken and could not get my act together. Afterwards, I calmed down to study the Fa and realized the meaning of Teacher's words:

The essence of cultivation could not be learned through simply studying theories. One must achieve genuine enlightenment in solid cultivation activities.

Letting go of the fear of death at one moment is easy; maintaining that state of mind is hard; surpassing that state is even harder.

Every time we step out to clarify the facts about Dafa, we face the test of life and death. Every brochure we hand out, every word we say or phone call we make contains the unselfish effort and compassion of practitioners. Whenever I saw people trashing our flyers and making derogatory comments, I couldn't help recalling these images: unemployed practitioners handing me the little money they saved and practitioners who were forced into hiding while printing the flyers. These practitioners did not have a word of complaint; but whenever they heard that people liked to read the flyers, big smiles would blossom on their faces. I don't want to compare those people with our practitioners. Our main focus is to save people.

Once my younger sister complained that practitioners were sending faxes at night and how much of a disturbance that caused her. She was quite angry. Although my sister is not against Falun Gong, she was extremely irritated by such a trivial thing. However, I understand that instead of simply thinking of themselves and enjoying their lives, practitioners put in their own time and money to clarify the facts to complete strangers.

There are some non-practitioners close to me who are my friends in ordinary circumstances. Because they know our compassion and peaceful nature, they have no objection to Falun Gong. But when I introduced the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, they immediately attacked me as if I were some kind of traitor to the country. They think that I am dangerous to them; that the national security police may interrogate them; and that I might be persecuted by the security police because I brought this upon myself. In the meantime, I was surrounded by their deviated notions: that Chinese citizens' quality of living is getting better and better; that practitioners are engaged in politics; and that my friends don't want to know about it. In their eyes, I have become a dangerous person, no different from a crazy and suicidal person. I was shocked and tears came to my eyes. What happened to the calm and smiling person I was, even when I was in the hellish forced labor camp?

On my way home, I could not control my tears. Why did I tell them about the Nine Commentaries? Why was my heart so weak? Why was I crying?

I realized that I was crying because I understood what compassion really meant, because I was truly concerned about them and because I am a new life made by Dafa. I am no longer the person who was aloof when sentient beings were about to become extinct. My heart is not weak. My tears were expressions of compassion which can clean the evil from the human world.

I truly realized that Teacher has never given up on us and has treated us with such immense compassion. Given all this, why can't I let go of everything? I will continue to live up to my responsibility to save sentient beings.

I sat down and opened Zhuan Falun. My heart was tranquil and, amidst Fa-rectification, I felt as if I had started anew.
Chinese version available at http://minghui.ca/mh/articles/2005/3/26/97954.html

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