Everyone Must Walk Their Own Path
By a practitioner from Malaysia
(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings, Venerable Teacher! Greetings, Fellow Practitioners! I am a new practitioner and began practicing Falun Dafa in September 2005.
One year has already passed by so quickly. I would like to share with everyone
here some of my experiences from the past year that have cast a deep impression
upon me. When I first started practicing Falun Dafa, I was relatively diligent. A
veteran Falun Dafa practitioner from China came to my home to study the Fa
and do the exercises with me every day. He also took me to scenic locations to
clarify the truth about Falun Dafa. I also carried Zhuan
Falun with me when I went to school, and read the book whenever I
found free time. When the opportunity of clarifying the truth arose, I also knew
what to do. Although I did not clarify the truth well at that time, I still
persisted in doing it. In early 2006, a fellow practitioner from China obtained UN refugee status
and immigrated to Sweden. He left rather suddenly. With his rapid departure I
felt I had lost my dependence. I felt somewhat lost and did not know what to do.
Although I knew at the time that my mentality of dependence was not right, I did
not pay sufficient attention to it. Instead, I started to worry about whether I
could do well from then on. I did not realize that cultivation cannot depend
upon others. Everyone needs to walk their own path, instead of relying on the
external environment. Because I did I not realize this soon enough, I started to sink into a state
of depression. I ceased making improvements in doing the three
things that a Dafa disciple should do. In fact, I did worse than
previously. Besides neglecting Fa study and clarifying the truth, I paid little
attention to the daily exercises and sending forth righteous thoughts. I did
them when I had time and stopped doing them when I was busy. As time went on, I
was doing less and less. I also failed to study the Fa well. Even when I was
studying the Fa, I did not truly study. I was reading for the sake of the
formality, and with the mentality of completing a task. The results were
certainly poor. When I failed to study the Fa well, problems started to manifest in many
different ways. Shortly before the fellow practitioner left for Sweden, I had
already encountered a major test in my personal cultivation. My best friend
suddenly started to appear disgusted with me, and even started to gradually keep
some distance from me. At first, I did not mind, because she was a person who
was usually quite emotional and often moody. Her moods usually passed within
several days. My own selfishness began to interfere with me. We had just become
sophomores, and with that came a sudden increase in study load. Because I was
already having a hard time taking care of my own problems, I wondered how I was
going to find the time to address other peoples issues. I was unable to adapt
and over a period of time I showed only some superficial concern for her moods,
without really trying to understand her situation. There are no accidents in
cultivation. When problems occur around us in cultivation, it must be caused by
attachments in certain areas. Because of my poor cultivation state, and although I knew this was a test, I
failed to look within to find my attachments. I did not actively look within.
Instead, I had this passive thought, "As long as I can keep from being
upset with her, and I exercise tolerance, I will be fine. Whatever she wants to
do, just let her do it." What happened next was even worse. Many of my
female classmates started to appear negative towards me. I frequently heard
sarcastic comments that she made about me in public places, and she even
directly rejected me in front of others. As time passed, the situation became worse. I had already sunk into a vicious
cycle without noticing it. I frequently cried when I was by myself, and I
complained to myself, "Why is my life so bitter, and why am I encountering
so many troubles?" I had forgotten how to behave like a cultivator. I not
only had failed to look within, but instead I was looking outward for a
solution. I blamed others for my situation. Because I had not studied the Fa for
such a long time, my life was out of balance. When I reached my junior year in
high school, the old forces saw many loopholes and started to take advantage of
them. One of my sophomore teachers, who had taught me for only a very short
period of time the previous year, but who became very close to me, came to teach
the junior class. He also became the teacher in charge of my class. He had lived
in China for a while, and he did not agree with the evil persecution of Falun
Dafa by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). He also knew that I was practicing
Falun Dafa. Because he was a very good teacher, even though he taught during our
sophomore year for less than a month, the drawing skills of my classmates showed
major improvements. Everyone wanted him to continue being our teacher. So when
he came back, the entire class was very happy. I was also happy, almost overly
happy. I thought, "Such a good teacher came back to teach me, as well as a
teacher who accepts Falun Dafa. This must be Teacher's 'arrangement' in helping
me." I did not realize that I was already walking into a trap arranged by
the old forces. Thus, I put even more effort onto painting. I neglected the
three things more than ever before, and I felt that I was sliding even further
down. However, I did not know what to do. I failed to realize that I needed to
actively change my situation. I needed to find fellow practitioners to share my
experiences with. Instead, I was sinking deeper and deeper into such a vicious
cycle and I was no longer able to pull myself out of it. At the beginning of the year, our school suddenly decided to offer an art
tour to China. This appeared to be a very enriching and attractive experience.
The price of the China tour was also very affordable. The teacher was very
persuasive about having me go on the tour and my heart was moved. I thought
about wanting to go repeatedly. However, I also remembered that I am a Falun
Dafa practitioner, and realized that I could not go to China while the
persecution is still so vicious. When the departure date neared, the teacher became more and more eager to
know if I was going. Because of my inability to be in a righteous state, I did
not have the courage to tell him that it was because I practiced Falun Dafa that
I could not go to China. Instead, I used the excuse that my family was in a poor
financial condition. In this way, I also missed a great opportunity to clarify
the truth about Falun Dafa to him. Wasn't such an answer exactly what the evil
wanted? Of course, the old forces were not going to let this go. So the trial
became even more severe. Later, my mother learned about the situation. She called the teacher and told
him the true reason why I could not go. The teacher was having a very hard time
understanding the way I behaved, and he continued trying to persuade me to join
the tour. This made me feel I had no choice but to accept his invitation.
Several times I was about to say yes. At this time, I remembered Falun Dafa. I remembered to study the Fa and
looked eagerly for some hints in the book. Although I was aware of the numerous
compassionate reminders from Teacher, I hesitated to change due to my strong
attachment to art. I failed to let it go for a long time. One day, while I was in the middle of a class, I told myself, "Never
mind, I can go. Since I am an overseas practitioner, maybe no one will notice
me." The persecution is not an ordinary persecution of humans against
humans. It was very clear that I should not go. At that moment, I suddenly felt
every cell in my body trembling, as if my cells were all frightened and
experiencing fear. By taking this tour I would somehow face great danger, and
therefore my cells were sending me warning signals. At that moment, I was
suddenly much more clear-headed. The bad things were reduced significantly and
my righteous thoughts were immediately strengthened. However, I was still
hesitating. I took the initiative to call a fellow practitioner to discuss this
matter with him. I had communicated with him prior to this occasion. Because I
was not steadfast, I was unable to awaken to the truth completely. During this
phone call, he asked me, "It was not easy for you to come to this world.
Are you here to study art or are you here to save sentient beings? Although you
were given talent in this area, isn't it for you to validate Dafa?" Upon hearing these words, my tears began to flow. I felt ashamed for not
being diligent and being too attached - lost in delusion. At that moment I truly
awakened. The next day, I immediately went in person to turn down the invitation
from the teacher. Although I was still feeling some pain, having made the right
decision made me feel light-hearted beyond description. It was as if a heavy
load was lifted from my shoulders. I walked back to Dafa again. When I began practicing again, it was not easy. Every time I sent forth
righteous thoughts (SFRT), my body felt as if it was shouldering a thousand
pound load. I was even having a difficult time maintaining the basic posture
during SFRT. However, I understood that this was due to the interference from
the old forces. Since I had walked a side road, they were not letting me return
easily. Every time I sent forth righteous thoughts, I totally negated everything
that they had forced upon me. I also asked Teacher to strengthen me and help me
to pass this major trial. When I was steadfast about sending righteous thoughts
on a daily basis, the difficult state disappeared within a few days. I
understand that it was compassion and our great Teacher who scooped me from hell
and saved me. Teacher has given and endured far too much for us disciples. How
can I forgo Teacher's compassionate salvation again? I have since caught up with
Fa study and truth-clarification work. During my junior year of high school my study load was very heavy, and my
truth-clarification work was limited. I was feeling troubled about how to
balance these two aspects of my life. Our compassionate Teacher saw my worries,
and again helped me. My high school happened to be celebrating its one hundredth anniversary, and
was planning to hold an outdoor party. People outside the school were invited to
set up booths. Many people from the community, as well as some government
officials, were coming to celebrate. I immediately realized that this was a
great opportunity to clarify the truth and save sentient beings. I thought that
if I could successfully obtain the permit, I could save so many lives! I started
working right away and found the teacher who was in charge of the event and
clarified the truth to him about Falun Dafa. I informed him about the true
situation of Falun Dafa. He immediately agreed to accept my application.
However, he then said that since the school had close relations with China, he
could not make the final decision on such a sensitive issue. However, he said he
would help me by mentioning my application to his supervisors. He asked me to
contact him a few days later. While I was waiting to get back to him, I experienced a lot of interference,
and it took longer than I expected. I asked fellow practitioners to send forth
righteous thoughts. I also continuously looked within during this time to
totally eliminate all interference. Soon, I received the school's answer. The
school officials rejected my application with the excuse that my booth would be
"unsuitable." I felt discouraged, and at that moment, the passive
heart of an ordinary person surfaced. I thought, "Maybe the local Chinese
teachers have been deeply poisoned by the CCP, and therefore maybe the
opportunity was not yet mature." The next morning, during a weekly meeting,
I heard news that Chinese officials would be coming to visit that day. I
suddenly awakened. How could there be an issue of an "opportunity not being
mature" for such an important event? I had to make it work! Then I thought
about going directly the principal to clarify the truth. In the meantime, my
attachment to fear arose. I was intimidated when thinking about talking to the
principle, as he had such an important job in ordinary human society, instead of
treating him as a sentient being who is waiting to be saved. I immediately sent forth righteous thoughts, eliminated my fear, and asked
fellow practitioners to SFRT together to eliminate any interference so that the
next day my truth-clarification would be smooth and successful. The next morning
I overcame sleep interference and got out of bed to SFRT. Miraculously, as soon
as I started to send forth righteous thoughts, I was no longer tired. Without
any difficulties I found the principle, however, he was discussing something
with a teacher in his office. After waiting for a while, I noticed that the
teacher did not show any intention of finishing the conversation, but instead
started to extend the conversation further. I realized that this was
interference, so at once I began to SFRT to eliminate it. When I did this, it
was as if the teacher suddenly remembered something and left in a hurry. Although I was unable to set up a booth inside the school grounds, I was
allowed to have a booth at the entrance of the school. The effect was greater
than I imagined. Many people came to the party that day. Some people, on their
own initiative, came and asked for the truth-clarification materials. I
distributed all the materials before the end of the party. I met a senior
director of the school and an ambassador from China. The director accepted the
truth-clarification materials. This event also helped one of my classmates' mothers to find Falun Dafa. My
classmate told me that her mother received the Falun Dafa materials on the day
of the school party. After she read the truth clarifying materials, she could
not believe that there still existed such brutality in human society. I had
clarified the truth about Falun Dafa to my classmate, so my classmate told her
mother everything that I had told her. This helped her mother believe everything
that she read. She stated that she was quite moved and wanted to start
cultivating. From this event, I realized how important and how serious our
truth-clarification work is. If I was still being blocked by my human
attachments, I might have kept other predestined people from being saved or
finding Dafa. As I gradually walked back to Dafa, the things that I did not do well in the
past started to change. I took the opportunity of a school assignment to work on
a painting for truth-clarification. When I first presented my idea to the
teacher, I received objections from him. He said that there were Chinese people
at the school who were deeply poisoned by the propaganda from the CCP. Although
I had previously clarified the truth about Falun Dafa to this teacher, he was
still afraid. He said that it was all right for me to paint some
truth-clarifying paintings, but it was not all right if that was all I did. At
the beginning, I tried to compromise. Later, I shared my experience with fellow
practitioners. I constantly looked within, and looked for the attachment that
was blocking me from walking the path of validating Dafa. I realized my show-off
mentality was blocking me. I was afraid that if I did not follow what my art
teacher asked me to do, the quality of my work would be not be known to others,
my grade would be lowered, or that my work would not be put out for exhibition.
The attachment to validating myself and to showing off was interfering with me.
How could I make a priority of the important things such as saving sentient
beings if I were selfish? I tried my best to be unmoved by what my art teacher said, and used the
standards and requirements of a Falun Dafa disciple to guide me. My heart was
filled with thoughts of how to do well at saving sentient beings on a larger
scale, and saving all predestined people. As to everything else, I entrusted
Teacher to help me arrange the opportunities. A major change soon took place. My art teacher's attitude towards me changed.
He no longer mentioned anything about limiting my truth-clarifying paintings.
Instead, he asked when I would be presenting new art work, since he was anxious
to see them. My friend who distanced herself from me also changed her attitude towards me
as I gradually began walking a righteous path. When I did things in the past, I
only thought about how I could do it well and seldom considered others. As I
studied the Fa more, I realized that this was not right. I required myself to
think of others first. My friend was well-known in my class for her bad temper.
Whenever she and I had a conflict, she would look at me unkindly. However, I
tolerated it every time. I was not tolerating this behavior by just putting up
with it. I required myself to do better according to the principles of the Fa.
Soon my friend's attitude also changed. She became my friend again, and was even
closer to me than before. Since that time, she has never lost her temper with
me. I was constantly looking for opportunities to clarify the truth to my art
teacher from China. I gave him the DVD on the Nine Commentaries
on the Communist Party. However, he was a person who was good with
words. Because I was taken advantage of by the old forces due to my loopholes,
every time I went to clarify the truth to him, I failed. Sometimes, I failed to
say even one sentence while he was talking. Later, I realized that such a state
was not right. How could a cultivator be so easily moved by an ordinary person? I immediately sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate my attachment to
fear. I also asked fellow practitioners to help SFRT to eliminate any bad
elements the old forces were using to interfere with his being able to
understand the truth. One afternoon, an opportunity arrived. Again, I discussed
with my teacher the truth about the brutal history of the CCP, as well as the
persecution of Falun Dafa in China. He once again used the reasoning of an
ordinary person as well as the evil CCP reasoning to debate with me. While
sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the interfering factors behind
him, I calmly explained the truth, point by point. I asked him to watch the DVD
on the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, when he went home. At
first, he was very resistant to me, claiming that he had spent so many years in
China, and that he knew the CCP better than I did. He also spoke with the
deviated reasoning borne of the CCP. I had just finished reading the first
commentary, and I asked Teacher to strengthen me. I continued to stay steadfast
in my mind while clearing the knots in his heart one by one. As I continued to
speak, wisdom was being poured like water into my brain. It was allowing me to
disperse the evil deviated reasoning that my teacher was speaking. When I was
about to leave, I once again asked him to watch the Nine Commentaries. He
immediately agreed. As I walked step by step back to Dafa, I encountered situations that were
harder for me to deal with than I wished. Because I learned to cultivate
relatively late, and I had encountered such a major tribulation, I often thought
in my heart, "Am I a 'Fa-rectification Period Dafa Disciple'? If I am, does
it matter that I obtained the Fa so late, and that I wasted so much time? Can I
still return to where I came from?" I knew that such a thought was not
right. This was an attachment to self. So I sent forth righteous thoughts to
negate it. However, it still came out now and again to trouble me. One night,
compassionate Teacher enlightened me in my dream. In my dream I was running
along a path without stopping in order to get to school. After much effort I
reached the school and the bell rang for class to start. I was in front of two
gigantic elevators. The buttons on the elevator showed that the elevator was
going up, but I was not clear about which level I was going to. The elevator
doors were tightly closed. There were many others in front of me who were also
waiting for elevator doors to open. At that moment, I thought, "Since I am
late, it is all over." There are so many others ahead of me, and it is
likely that I will have to wait for the next round. Then, a school official took
me aside and asked me why I was so late. I was very ashamed and could not reply,
for I had no other reasons other then I simply had not done well enough.
However, this school official smiled and said to me kindly, "No problem. Do
well next time. Please enter." In an instant, the people who were standing
in front of me in the elevator suddenly disappeared. At once I was in front of
the elevator doors. The doors were wide open. After I woke up, I realized that
it was our compassionate Teacher teaching me not to worry. As long as I have
learned Dafa, I should not worry about anything, but only focus on cultivation. "As Dafa disciples clarify the truth Due to the limitations of my level, I have only some shallow understandings
to share with you. If there are any mistakes, I ask fellow practitioners to
kindly point them out to me. Thank you, Teacher! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
I hope that fellow practitioners who have encountered difficulties during
truth-clarification will no longer be blocked by their own human hearts. When
you truly let go of the concerns of an ordinary person, then everything will
change.
Sharp swords shoot forth from their mouths
Tearing open the rotten demons' lies
Lose no time and save them,
hurry up and tell them."
Chinese version available at
http:// minghui.org/mh/articles/2006/11/14/142324.html
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