Remaking My Life as a Dafa Cultivator - Part I
By a Dafa disciple from Mainland China
(Clearwisdom.net) I used to consider myself a veteran practitioner as I
started cultivating in Dafa in 1997. But during Fa-rectification cultivation, I
am the kind of practitioner Master described as, "stumbling and falling one
time after another." ("Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S.
International Fa Conference") I went to Beijing to validate the Fa on July 20, 2001, but I was so scared
that I could not understand the Fa on the basis of the Fa. I was illegally
arrested and detained many times. In the winter of 2000 I turned away from
the Fa under coercion. Between the spring and summer of 2001, I gradually
awakened. With Master's merciful encouragement I rejoined Dafa again and started
along a genuine path of cultivation. Looking back on this difficult experience,
I can feel the hardships with which Master offers salvation to sentient beings.
I can also feel Master's great compassion very deeply. Master gave me a new life
and rescued me from the old universe; no words can express my thanks to Master,
and no words can express the happiness and the glory of a being who has obtained
new life through Dafa cultivation. 1. The key of keeping righteous is to study the Fa In May of 2001, I had just awakened from evil enlightenment. With extremely
strong fear, regret and some other complex human attachments, I had difficulty
beginning to study the Fa and cultivate again. Thought karma, warped notions and
old force substances interfered with me all the time. I felt upset. Thus, I
began to memorize the Fa, memorize Master's articles, and memorize "Hongyin."
I utilized all of my spare time, such as walking, working, after waking up and
before sleep to memorize the Fa. I did not want to leave the evil any room. I
did not completely understand what Fa-rectification cultivation was then, so I
spent a lot of time studying Master's new scriptures. Master said, "I suggest that everyone set his mind to reading ten times the book I
wrote, Essentials for Further Advancement, which you call
scripture." ("A Heavy Blow" from Essentials for Further
Advancement) What does it mean to "believe in Master?" In my mind, if I do what
Master says, that is "believing in Master." On this basis, I decided
to read each of Master's scriptures and lectures ten times. At the beginning I
could realize nothing, so I looked inward to check whether I was sincere to
study Fa. I forced myself to calm down to study Fa. The more I studied the less
selfish ideas I had. Gradually the connotations of Dafa began to reveal
themselves to me. I knew that this was Master encouraging me to keep on
studying. As time goes by I can feel the wonder of melting into the Fa and
realize the process of Fa-rectification. Master continually guides me along the
path of cultivation. I constantly cultivate in a maze, but concrete practice has
proven that the Fa contains everything. I don't need to see other dimensions.
Through studying the Fa and genuine cultivation, I understand the historical
arrangement for me, and the present arrangements of the old forces for the
entire local district and me. Dafa is boundless In order to eliminate harmful attachments, I studied Essentials for
Further Advancement numerous times. Reading "Towards
Consummation" I finally found out my fundamental attachment. Reading
"Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s)" I
discovered the heart of being attached to enlightenment. Contrasted with what
Master said about the exhibition of the old force's xinxing,
I discovered the same thing in me, which had not been corrected yet. In this way
I detected a lot of the attachments that had led me astray earlier. I kept on
digging, and finally found the source of my wicked understanding: my original
intention to cultivate was to obtain things that could not be obtained among
ordinary people. The manifestation of this was my upholding myself, being unable
to give up my own interests, embracing selfishness and refusing to let it go,
wanting to gain more from Dafa but pay less, etcetera. During this period of correcting myself, the articles from the Clearwisdom
website editors, and fellow practitioners' experience sharing articles helped me
a lot. I thank my fellow practitioners and the editors. What you have given to
me is priceless. I still have the feeling that Master has arranged the fastest
path for Dafa disciples. As I repeatedly read the articles with Master's
comments and the articles from the Clearwisdom editorial section, I realize that
the content expressed in these articles is also what Master wanted to tell us.
Some sections and some stories from them remain deeply engraved in my mind. Because I studied the Fa a lot and read a lot of Clearwisdom articles, I made
great progress. Many practitioners' experiences have melted into my own
cultivation. I have a feeling that I can appreciate others' thoughts. As I see
the attachments of other practitioners, I also find my own attachments. On the
basis of other practitioners' understanding of Fa, I can extend my own
understanding of Fa. Following other practitioners, sometimes my thoughts can
enter other dimensions, and I clearly see a lot of truth from other dimensions.
Amidst the righteous faith, righteous thoughts and righteous behavior of my
fellow practitioners, I realize my own defects, I can strengthen my righteous
faith and thoughts on the basis of the Fa, and I can encourage myself to take
righteous actions. From fellow practitioners' experiences of looking inward, I
learned how to dig out my fundamental attachments. Now I can look inward for
everything happening to me without any hindrance. Getting Rid of Fear When I again walked into cultivation in 2001, the biggest obstacle I
confronted was fear. When I studied the Fa later I realized it had something to
do with old force arrangements, but one who genuinely cultivates Dafa will not
be restricted by fear. Master said, "The fact is, those who can't step forward, regardless of the excuse,
are concealing fear. Yet for cultivators, fear or lack thereof proves [one's]
humanity or divinity, and it is what differentiates cultivators from ordinary
people. It is something that a cultivator must face, and the biggest human
attachment that a cultivator must remove." ("Study the Fa Well, and
Getting Rid of Attachments is Not Hard") I used to be a timid person. I was so sensitive that I always keep a strong
mindset to protect myself. During the period that the evil persecution was
rampant, I was struggling with fear every day. I physically and mentally
suffered from the pressure of the evil factors in other dimensions. Added to
this I had the pressure from society, my family and my workplace. Especially
since I still had warped notions, I felt it hard to breathe every day. I could
not lift my head. I was so fragile that I could lose consciousness with just one
blow. But finally I made it! Although I was struggling and stumbling in
cultivation, I can say that I am an upright cultivator now. I have often shared
with fellow practitioners who suffer from fear. I said, "If I can make it,
others can also make it." These words come from deep in my heart. My
experience is a miracle created by Dafa. The practice has testified to how great
Master's benevolence is, and how honorable Dafa is. Waking up our fellow practitioners and getting them back onto the path of
cultivation When I was confused with wicked understandings, a lot of practitioners around
me in my district also got wicked understandings. After I regained the correct
awareness, I realized that I should smooth over the mistakes I made. I wanted
every Dafa disciple who used to hear my wicked understanding speech know that I
was wrong. Only steadfastly cultivating Dafa was the right thing to do. But fear
kept stopping me from doing this. When I wanted to go out, I had to fight
against fear. Each time that I defeated it and went out was a time that I walked
out of humanness. At the hardest moment I held only one thought: "no matter
what the result will be in future, at present Master still gives me
opportunities. Then I should do whatever I can for Dafa." I told every fellow practitioner I met, "I was wrong in the past, and
now I have started to cultivate again." (Regardless of whether the
practitioner had a wicked understanding or not, I spent quite a long time to
communicate with the practitioners with wicked understandings. Once a
practitioner regained his or her main consciousness, we would go together to
help another practitioner. This way, all of the practitioners around me who had
wicked understandings regained clear understandings of the Fa. No matter how
difficult it was, I felt Master's help and guidance. Master was the source of my
strength. Due to Master's compassion, I was able to awaken and gain salvation again. I
communicated with the confused practitioners from this perspective, filled with
gratitude. Master's benevolence made it possible for me to welcome the spring of my
life. The compassion stays with me all the time. Not matter how strong the fear
is, once I remember Master's compassion I always have righteous thoughts and
strength. We should treat practitioners that have gone astray kindly. There is a
reason that we came to this world together; perhaps their true selves placed
their hopes in us to help awaken them. Stepping out and distributing truth-clarifying materials Since the persecution destroyed our local cultivation environment, people had
not seen Falun Gong materials for a long time. I realized my own responsibility
for the loss that I caused, and made up my mind to change the situation and make
up for the loss. I had one righteous thought: "I must change the current
situation." After overcoming the strong feeling of fear, another
practitioner and I (who had once embraced evil realizations like me), went out
to post Falun Gong truth-clarifying materials. I brought the materials back from
a nearby town, but was unable to get in touch with this practitioner. Once again
I fought my attachment of fear. Controlling my thumping heart I told myself,
"I must do it, even if I have to do it by myself." With this righteous
thought, the practitioner suddenly appeared in front of me. At this moment,
tears appeared in my eyes, and I understood that Teacher had already mercifully
arranged everything. He was waiting for me to come up with the righteous
thoughts. We set up a schedule and a plan. I sent forth righteous thoughts, but had not
a moment's peace in my heart. In the evening, my husband suddenly brought up
that he wanted to sleep in another room. I understood that it was Teacher's
mercy, which had cleared another obstacle for me. In great fear, at 1:30 a.m., I
took the truth-clarifying materials and went out. I sent forth righteous
thoughts to eliminate the fear. I distributed almost all of the truth-clarifying
materials over a large area. The last one was posted near my home. After I
finished, I went home. My clothes were wet, but I felt very relieved. When I
sent forth righteous thoughts, my heart was still thumping very fast. Over the past few years, after constantly distributing materials, telling
people the truth, and distributing materials to remote areas, my fear has been
eliminated a great deal. In the process of clarifying the truth, I understand
that once I can recognize the attachment of fear, do not accept it, and
willfully eliminate it, I can refuse to follow the path of the old forces
arrangements. Teacher said, "The old forces don't dare to oppose our clarifying the truth or
saving sentient beings. What's key is to not let them take advantage of the
gaps in your state of mind when you do things." ("Teaching the Fa at
the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston") I am aware that the key to doing any job for Falun Gong is that our hearts
must be based on the Fa. Whether I intend to save sentient beings, or if I have
mixed personal pursuits - pursuit of fame, of consummation, the fear of lagging
behind, unwillingness, or other notions - it won't work. This is the difference
between altruism and ego, as well as the difference between the old and the new
universes. Falun Gong practitioners are strong and indestructible The process of changing from having traveled along an evil path to becoming
clear-headed again is a process of dramatic change. Now I treasure the Fa and
the opportunity to cultivate even more. After awakening from slumber on the evil
path, we gradually organized a system to contact each other and transfer
materials in our local area. During 2001 and 2002 when the dark clouds heavily
oppressed the nation only a few practitioners ventured forth to distribute
materials. One day, a practitioner who was in charge of transferring materials told me
that he did not want to distribute materials in a particular area because of
fear. I could understand him, because some practitioners in that area had
betrayed some fellow practitioners before. Hence, we hesitated to contact the
practitioners there, and had almost lost touch with them. I searched within
myself and found that an unwillingness to contact them was because we did not
trust them. I recalled how Teacher treated me with mercy and did not want to
give up on me. I also recalled how when I was still on the evil path, a
practitioner on the "wanted list" and under great danger, believing in
Teacher and in me, took me into her home and had a long talk with me. Now I was
protected by the Fa and blessed by Teacher's mercy, but would not help other
practitioners because I wanted to protect myself. I was afraid of losing
personal gain. I was being very selfish. We used to be one body; I should trust
fellow practitioners. With Teacher and the Fa with me, what am I afraid of? The
Fa gives me righteous thoughts. I accepted my responsibility to go there, and in the meantime memorized
Teacher's words, "As a Dafa disciple, your steadfast, righteous thoughts are absolutely
unshakable, because your renewed being is formed precisely amidst the Fa-rectification."
("Dafa is Indestructible" from Essentials for Further
Advancements II) I felt that I was very big, and the fear vanished. From then on, no matter
how scared I was, I would repeatedly recite this one of Teacher's sentences;
hence I would be able to clear my mind and strengthen my righteous thoughts. On meeting the practitioners in that area for the first time, I realized that
Teacher had arranged it. I was glad that fear did not hold me back. The
practitioners there had become isolated because they had betrayed other
practitioners. They felt regret and remorse. They wished to see fellow
practitioners, but were afraid to do so. Their complicated mentality resembled
mine when I had just awakened from the evil path. I gave them Teacher's lectures
and articles from the Clearwisdom website. I also conversed with every single
one of them, telling them about my experiences after I awoke from the evil path.
We also recalled Teacher's mercy, the selflessness of Dafa, and how difficult it
was to obtain the Fa. Everyone gained a better picture of the evil arrangements
of the old forces. I told them how I overcame difficulties myself, and
encouraged them to lay aside their feelings of guilt and let go of their
attachments to fear. On sharing one after another with them, I understood what Teacher really
means in the Fa when Teacher talks about tolerance and understanding. Sometimes
I felt that I was not helping them, and that they were in fact helping me,
because my righteous thoughts and belief were strengthened every time I talked
with them. With Teacher's help I once again transferred righteous thoughts and
righteous belief in the Fa to others. Together we grew. In the years that
followed, the practitioners in that area experienced ordeals, but they were all
able to do well. 2. Thoroughly rejecting old force arrangements In the fall of 2001 I went to Beijing for the third time to appeal for Dafa.
I held up a banner on Jinshui Bridge and shouted out the words that I had been
wanting to say for a long time, "Falun Dafa is good," "Falun Dafa
is the righteous cultivation way," and " Restore my Teacher's
reputation!" I was unlawfully arrested, but I refused to collaborate with
the evil. After a month I was released. Walking out of the detention center I
did not have any feeling of happiness. From this incident I discovered more
attachments. I was arrested because I failed to have a clear understanding of
the Fa. After returning home I dove back into the current of Fa rectification. I
studied the Fa diligently to look for my loopholes. Fellow practitioners'
compliments made me feel even more uncomfortable. I thought that being
persecuted by the evil was giving Dafa a bad name. There's nothing to feel proud
of even if I did well sometimes. From the Fa, I deeply understood what Teacher
says in the article, "A Dafa disciple completely opposes everything arranged by the evil
old forces." ("Dafa Is Indestructible" in Essentials for
Further Advancement II) This piece of the Fa is all-encompassing and multidimensional. It refers to
our every single thought, word and behavior. I truly understood that the old
forces' arrangements were nothing to be afraid of at all. With Teacher and the
Fa, Dafa practitioners' righteous thoughts could reject all evil persecution.
The evil also must not restrict Fa-rectification and truth-clarification. With
this clear understanding of the Fa, the arrangements of the old forces were
repeatedly eliminated in the light of the Fa and Dafa practitioners' righteous
thoughts. I felt true to both our whole body and to myself. On the Chinese Communist Party's (CCP's) sensitive day (July 20) I was
studying the Fa, but somehow I felt sleepy. My 9-year-old son was sitting by the
window. He suddenly told me, "Mom, quickly send forth righteous thoughts
now. Very soon, some police will come and search here and there!" He
pointed at the dressers where I had some Dafa materials. I immediately started
to send forth righteous thoughts. After a while my son told me, "All clear.
They are gone!" A few days later I heard from some fellow practitioners that they had seen a
police car parked right in front of my apartment building. They thought I had
been arrested. The police said afterwards that they could not find me. I
understood that I was in the Fa; therefore, Teacher would not let the evil
persecution happen. I have rejected the evil arrangements countless times during the past few
years. I have heard about numerous plans for persecution of me, but actual
persecution never happened to me again. My understanding regarding the meaning of righteous thoughts and sending
forth righteous thoughts Sending forth righteous thoughts is one of the three things our
Master requires us to do well. During my cultivation, I have come to realize
that possessing righteous thoughts is essential, and the process of sending
forth righteous thoughts is also a process for us to improve our understanding
of the Fa, correct ourselves, truly walk out of humanness and become gods. It is
a process of transforming from self-centeredness into altruism. At the
beginning, because of my limited understanding of the Fa principles regarding
sending forth righteous thoughts, I did it to avoid persecution; gradually I
understood that sending forth righteous thoughts can also help lives to become
free of evil spirits and gain salvation. It is also for us to completely deny
all destructive arrangements of the old forces and to carry out Master's wish to
offer all sentient beings benevolent solutions. Thus, as we assimilate into the
Fa, we obtain wisdom and elevate our xinxing level, which directly
determines how effective we are in eliminating the evil and using our divine
powers. I have not experience any supernormal abilities during my cultivation
process. Yet from the Fa and the Clearwisdom website experience sharing articles
that I have read, I can still recognize many of the old forces' arrangements and
incidents of interference in my current life, as well as some pre-destined
relationships between me and my friends and family. After I understood all
these, I started to send forth righteous thought to help them break away from
the evil arrangements and turn toward playing a positive role amid the Fa-rectification.
I perceived it as harmonizing and completing the Fa principle of being
compassionate to all sentient beings. There was a period of time when I came to understand that we should clarify
the truth to beings in other dimensions. I used to send forth righteous thought
for hours at a time then. And at the beginning I would tell the beings in other
dimensions that the Fa could rectify the whole universe and that it would be
good for them to assimilate to the Fa. As I said this, I could not help shedding
tears most of the time, as if I could feel their response. Of course, to those
evil ones clinging obstinately to their courses, I had no hesitation to
eliminate them. Because Master has taught us, "The Fa is merciful to all beings, but at the same time it's solemn
and dignified." "So for the beings of the old cosmos, and this
includes all the elements of beings, when it comes to the Fa-rectification and
what I choose, all beings' harmonizing and completing things according to my
choices and contributing their best ideas and approaches--not to change what I
want, but to harmonize and complete things according to what I've said--is the
best thought a being in the cosmos could have." ("Fa-Lecture During
the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference") Exposing local crimes against Falun Gong practitioners In November 2003, when an article with Master's comments titled, "Expose
the Evil Happening Locally to the Local People" was published on the
Clearwisdom website, a new phase of Fa-rectification arrived. We knew that it
was time for us to proactively eliminate the evil factors and strengthen and
broaden our truth-clarification efforts. While we were preparing for the
materials to expose the local crimes against Falun Gong practitioners, some of
us had concerns, because it was not easy to create a stable environment from
such a vicious one. Many practitioners had contributed a great deal. If we
expose the wicked police and bad people, wouldn't the evil be infuriated and
become more rampant? With regard to this issue, while we were collecting evidence and writing
articles to expose the evil happening locally, we intensified our Fa-study and
had more experience sharing among practitioners so that we could keep up with
Master's Fa-rectification process. We also strengthened our efforts of sending
forth righteous thoughts. Through group sharing we came to understand that
exposing the evil is to shock and restrain it, so that people who were afraid to
read our flyers before could come to learn about the seriousness of the
persecution happening right in their own midst. We hoped this would remove the
poisonous lies in their minds. In the meantime, we had no resentment and hatred,
but only compassion toward those police officers who had committed evil deeds,
because our sole purpose is to save sentient beings. We looked over and over
inside ourselves for any notions of revenge, hatred or contention, and checked
to see if we were acting completely for the good of others. With a pure and
unified mindset, we made the first edition of flyers exposing the local crimes
against Falun Gong practitioners. After distributing the flyers, we sent forth righteous thoughts as a whole
body at high frequency to eliminate the evil factors that controlled everyday
people and the police. It has been proven that if we walk on the path arranged
by our Master, the effect is extremely good and there are no tribulations. A
policeman who was our primary target was removed from his position and almost
lost his job; those listed on our flyers felt depressed and dared not to do evil
things at will. A 610 Office employee even happily told others,
"My name was not on that flyer." Thereafter, he indeed no longer
continued doing bad things toward practitioners. Instead, he helped us once in a
while. Because we disclosed the huge amount of money extorted from the
practitioners, someone questioned the police department, "Why did you fine
the practitioners and where is the money now?" And the police replied,
"Who dares to touch that money? We were told to keep it in a safe." The impact of our flyers was tremendous. Not only the evil police, but
everyday people came to learn the truth of Falun Gong. As a result, our
environment became even better. And those practitioners who had initial concerns
have witnessed the power of Dafa. I believe one of the most important factors
for achieving such a good result was because practitioners' gave up their
ego-driven notions, tried their best to assimilate into the Fa, harmonized and
completed the whole body and did it with our true compassionate hearts and
minds. Master has told us, "For Dafa disciples as a whole, in the process of validating the Fa,
when you work together in concert, the Fa power is great."
("Explaining the Fa During the 2003 Lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa
Conference") We made a few more issues of flyers exposing the remaining evils locally.
Because we walked steadily along the path of Fa-rectification as a whole body,
everyone's xinxing level, enlightenment quality and understanding of the
Fa improved a lot. No big persecution incidents exist in our area and our
external environment has become more relaxed as well. March 12, 2006 (To be continued)
Chinese version available at
http://minghui.org/mh/articles/2006/3/14/122728.html
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