It Feels So Wonderful to Find My Attachment

By a practitioner in China

(Clearwisdom.net) For a long time, I had been reading practitioners' articles discussing how they found their fundamental attachments on "Minghui Weekly." I had also tried to find my own attachments, and I did indeed come to find a few. However, I didn't feel that they were my fundamental attachments, and I even thought that maybe I had no fundamental attachments to speak of. Initially I obtained Dafa because I wanted to treat my illness and gain a healthy body. I felt that after practicing for so long, I didn't have that notion anymore, so I did not investigate any further.

A few days ago, my child, who will be graduating from elementary school, was doing math homework. All the questions he couldn't answer were ones he had learned previously and were quite easy. Yet, he could answer almost none of the questions. I was angry and scolded him while explaining the answers to him. When I finished explaining, we both were so angry that neither of us ate dinner. Right after, I started reading and reciting the Fa, and I asked myself: "How come my child turns out to be like this? He's not supposed to be like this. Do I have something to do with it?" Thinking back carefully, I realized that ever since the first day my child went to school, I had high expectations for him, but he always let me down with his unsatisfactory grades. When I help my child study, I often scold and punish him. All these years, this was how I treated my child, but his grades did not improve much and I often tired myself out over him.

I had previously looked inside myself concerning this matter and felt it was attributable to my attachment to fame. I thought that if I could let go of this attachment, then everything would be okay. Although I don't pay much attention to his test scores anymore, his overall achievement remained unchanged. When I thought about it carefully and looked inside deeply, it suddenly became very clear as if waking up from a dream.

The truth is that, although on the surface I'm not so attached to my child's grades anymore, in my heart I had not given this attachment up at its root. My behavior in front of other people was that I didn't want to talk about my child's school progress, fearing that I would lose face. My attachment to fame is very strong. Aside from that, I knew some kids' parents weren't good students back when they were in school, but their kids all have very good grades; thus, when I was admiring them, my own jealousy festered underneath. I thought that, since my own grades were good, my child should be better than theirs. On top of that, helping my child to study took up a lot of my time for studying the Fa. After so long, I had not realized such a deeply hidden heart of selfishness.

Teacher mentioned in Zhuan Falun:

I asked myself: "Have I done that to my child?" I just realized that it's these hidden attachments that have been enlarged gradually by the old forces over the past few years; they finally revealed themselves and made me realize them. I feel that this is Teacher's benevolence enlightening me, telling me to find it and get rid of this fundamental attachment quickly. After all, we cannot take attachments to paradise.

Right now I truly feel weightless, a sensation I never felt before. Even when I send forth righteous thoughts, I can feel the energy growing and increasing. When I do the sitting meditation, I can be more tranquil than before. I found my fundamental attachment, and I am eliminating it as fast as I can. Even if the tribulation is great, there's Teacher and Dafa. So as long as I believe in Teacher and Dafa there will be no test that I cannot pass.

Dear fellow practitioners, please hurry up and find your attachments. It really is a great breakthrough when you find it.

Chinese version available at http://minghui.ca/mh/articles/2006/5/4/126832.html

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