The More We Let Go of the Attachment to Self, the Better We Can Save Sentient Beings

By a Practitioner in Sichuan Province

(Clearwisdom.net) I am an average working woman. After the persecution of Falun Dafa started in July 1999, I went to Beijing twice in order to safeguard the Fa. I was sent to a forced labor camp for one year and my workplace fired me.

My team leader at work has a good understanding of Dafa. She told the executives at my place of employment many times that I was a very good employee and that they should let me return to work. She helped me distribute truth clarification materials about Falun Gong. She even asked me to recite Zhuan Falun to our team while we were in the workshop. When the executives found out that I was telling people the truth about Falun Gong, they initially wanted to make trouble for me, but my team leader put them off. On the matter of Falun Dafa, she positioned herself really well. Besides, people in our team all know that Falun Gong is being persecuted, and most of them have quit the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliated organizations.

Last month our team had an accident in the product quality section. The technician had just graduated from college and had little experience. He wrote an accident report even though the true reason of the accident was still unclear. One direct result of the report was that everyone in the team had his or her bonus deducted. Hearing this news, the whole team exploded with anger.

The whole team, led by our team leader, went directly to the executives. She told them that she would quit unless that accident report was disregarded. The technician was even afraid to come to our workshop because he knew that everyone would blame him.

In the beginning I also thought it was the technician's fault as he shouldn't have drawn conclusions before understanding the cause of the accident. Therefore, I also discussed this with the others. When I sent forth righteous thoughts that night, I suddenly realized that what I had done was wrong. As a Falun Dafa practitioner, I should let go of reputation, self-interest, and feelings among everyday people. I shouldn't behave like an everyday person. The technician had just left school and had had little experience. He was not taught to be sly. When there was a problem, he handled it according to the rules. Furthermore, the executives did not like him and already wanted him to leave. After we made a fuss about it, he might lose his job. On the other hand, we caused the accident, so we should take the responsibility. However, I was afraid that no one in the team would agree with me, as no one liked losing a bonus.

The next day, everyone on the team except me continued to criticize the technician. The team leader noticed this and asked my opinion later that day. I told her my view but she didn't agree with me. She still thought that she was right and insisted on asking the executives to cancel the accident report. She said she did it not for herself but for everyone.

Because of her insistence, we were not punished. A veteran technician said to the team leader sarcastically, "You are very capable." His tone of voice was not pleasant. The team leader felt that she didn't deserve this insult. She furiously returned to our workshop and told us what had happened. The whole team immediately started to criticize that veteran technician.

I felt disgusted with their behavior and could not stay calm. I accused the team leader of incorrect behavior. She asked me about my thoughts. I blurted out, "My Teacher said, '... someone may have irritated you today, someone has upset you, someone has mistreated you, or someone suddenly speaks to you with no respect. It is to see how you will react to these issues.'" (Zhuan Falun) Hearing my words, the team leader was speechless and angry. Several other people started to contradict me. One said, "Tell your Teacher's words to your fellow practitioners, not to us." Another one said, "You cannot require from us that we follow your Teacher's words." The team leader said timidly, "I will do what you said, OK?" She left and returned an hour later.

At first I thought that maybe what I had done was not right, otherwise why did so many people object? But then I thought that quoting Teacher's Fa was not wrong. I struggled with the two thoughts. I knew I did not handle it perfectly, but I was not sure where I went wrong. Then I remembered Teacher's words,

"I often say that if all a person wants is the well-being of others and if this is without the slightest personal motivation or personal understanding, what he says will move the listener to tears." ("Clearheadedness" in Essentials for Further Advancement)

This awakened me. How could I push people away by quoting Teacher's Fa? It must have been because I did it with a personal motivation and understanding. And my tone of voice and attitude were not kind at all, which only made others feel as though I was quarreling with them. How could I have used Teacher's Fa to accuse an everyday person? What made me do it?

What I did only brought damage to Dafa. Seeing the team leader so angry, I knew I owed her an apology. But I still could not figure out my xinxing issue.

I have practiced for 10 years, and I regard myself as being diligent in studying the Fa. I usually do not watch TV and use all my spare time to study the Fa. I have memorized Zhuan Falun and Teacher's short articles. Over the years, I have established the habit of looking inward. If there was something I didn't do well, I wouldn't let it go until I was able to find my attachment and remove it. This time, I also made up my mind to find and get rid of my attachment and correct whatever negative impact I had brought to Dafa.

I shared this with an elderly practitioner. She thought I should apologize to the team leader in front of everybody as I had accused her in front of everybody. Her words inspired me. I thought she was right. But when I thought about apologizing in front of everybody, I became reluctant again. I was quoting Teacher's Fa. It was they who were wrong, so why did I need to apologize? I couldn't stay calm, and all kinds of human attachments started to surface. I was trying hard to not let my heart be moved, and then suddenly I realized my heart had already been moved on this issue. I had let other people's mood affect me and I had even become competitive. Starting from this discovery, I realized that I not only had a competitive mentality, but also the mentality of jealousy, which was hidden very deeply. I was jealous of the team leader. I became uncomfortable whenever someone praised her and I compared myself to her. I would be quite uneasy if I thought that she handled anything better than I did.

The team leader is a very good person. She is warm, kind, and generous, loves to help people, and handles conflicts with tolerance. Therefore, she has a very good reputation in our workplace. But I was not convinced: "No matter how well she handles things, she is just an everyday person. Dafa practitioners always do better than everyday people." But no matter what I thought, people still praised her a lot and no one ever praised me. Because of my competitive and jealous mentality, when a conflict occurred, I could not handle it as a practitioner should. What I said and did did not comply with the standard of the Fa, which not only hurt others' feelings, but also damaged the reputation of the Fa.

I did find my attachment. I decided to apologize to her the next day. But all kinds of human notions surfaced again. I again felt it was hard to let go of my ego. I examined my attachments one by one according to Teacher's Fa and cleansed myself bit by bit. Eventually, I rectified myself and realized I should be responsible to the Fa and sentient beings. I should apologize and validate the Fa with my actions.

The next day, I sincerely apologized to the team leader in front of the whole team. One coworker said to me, "Oh! None of us could do what you just did. It is good enough if you realize you were wrong and want to correct it. Why do you have to speak out publicly?" I said, "I have to. I hurt her feelings in front of everybody, so I should apologize to her in front of everybody." The team leader said, "Let us all forget about it and work together as we did before."

I realized that this incident didn't happen without a reason. I have an impatient disposition. If I see something that is not correct from my point of view, I will immediately point it out in the hope that it will be corrected right away. I always think I am right and put myself above others. It is not just the issue of a competitive and jealous mentality. I think it also reflects that I am lacking compassion. When others encountered difficulties and conflicts, I did not try to help and understand them, but accused them instead.

Through this incident, I also realized that I have been even more competitive at home. Although my husband does not cultivate Dafa, I often used the standard of Dafa to require things from him and accuse him of things. When conflicts occurred, I tolerated them only out of concern that I am a practitioner, not from true compassion. As to my daughter, in my opinion, she should obey me because I am her mother, so I often talked to her using a commanding and lecturing tone. As a result, she often talks back to me. I didn't realize it was my fault and thought that my daughter just needed to grow up. Because I have not done well at home, my husband and my daughter have never acknowledged that Dafa is good, although they know it deep down in their hearts.

I finally recognized that my fundamental attachment is my ego. I always think I am correct. I get very upset if anyone says anything bad about me. I am too concerned with my reputation at work, at home, and among practitioners. Even when I do Dafa related work, I do it with an ordinary person's enthusiasm and the mentality of showing off. Intentionally or unintentionally, I was somehow trying to validate myself. Whenever I do something and enlighten to it, I will let other practitioners know right away. We are Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples, and we bear the mission of saving sentient beings. Our words and actions can move people and save them only when they are on the Fa. Otherwise, we will miss the chance to save people who have a predestined relationship, and we will leave regrets for the future.

I appreciate Teacher's kind arrangement. I also want to thank the Minghui/Clearwisdom website for providing us a channel to share with fellow practitioners. It allows us to reflect on our cultivation paths and discover and remove our attachments.

At this stage of Fa rectification, it has become more and more urgent for us to save more sentient beings. I have a demanding job that often requires me to work overtime. Because I can't do truth clarification work full time, I carry truth clarification materials with me. I distribute them whenever I have time and I talk to people about the truth of Dafa whenever I have a chance. I usually talk about my own experience in forced labor camps and show them the photo of Ms. Gao Rongrong after she was tortured. Usually every person understands the truth after talking with me. Sometimes I also worried if anyone was going to report me. Through studying the Fa, I realized it was interference from dark minions, rotten demons, and the Communist evil specter. After I rectified my mind, the worry disappeared.

I deeply appreciate Teacher's merciful salvation and the chance for cultivation. I vow to cultivate diligently and do the three things well that Teacher requires of us. I will validate the Fa and through my actions save sentient beings. I will live up to the oath I made and I won't let Teacher down. Thank you, Teacher. Thank you, my fellow practitioners.

Chinese version available at http://www.minghui.org/mh/articles/2006/6/12/129999.html

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