Western Practitioner: Understanding Selfishness and Self-Validation

by a Western Practitioner in the U.S.

(Clearwisdom.net) We have come to understand that selfishness is a degenerated characteristic of the old cosmos, and selfishness has led countless beings to go against Teacher's Fa-rectification, resulting in an immeasurable number of beings being weeded out. When I first started my cultivation a little over a year ago, I looked at attachments in a very simple way. I focused on eliminating many attachments but I was not aware of the reason why some of them were bad. For instance, concerning the attachment of showing off, I understood that Teacher told us that it was a very bad attachment, but I did not really know the reason why. I had the same mindset in viewing many different attachments. I now understand that the new cosmos is purely selfless, and many attachments that Teacher has told us about are manifestations of selfishness. If I am cultivating and assimilating myself to Truth, Compassion, Forbearance, I must rid myself of all selfish thoughts and behavior. How would it be possible for me to carry all of that selfish "baggage" with me into the new cosmos. I would like to share a few understandings that I have recently had about how selfishness has manifested in my interactions with practitioners.

I always thought that I had a good understanding of the Fa and I rarely found myself to be wrong. I even sometimes thought that others would have a hard time giving me advice. During conversations with other practitioners, they told me that I would have a very stern look on my face while they were talking. In my mind, instead of patiently waiting for them to finish talking, all that I would think about was what my own opinion was. When others finished talking, I would always correct them and give them my own opinion, which I thought was far superior than their understanding. When correcting others, I did not have any compassion in my voice at all. While sending righteous thoughts, if I saw someone's hand start to drop I would sternly say their name, as if I were correcting a child for stealing cookies.

When two other practitioners finally talked to me about my behavior, I was shocked. I knew that my actions were not perfect, but I did not realize how badly I was affecting others. I always disguised the attachment with the thought of "I am trying to help others improve, so I need to push them to do better." All that I thought about was what I thought, and what my opinion was. I never once thought about how my actions and tone would affect others. I began to realize how serious this was. I was holding onto the very notion that destroyed the old forces, who used to be magnificent Gods in their realms. I thanked the fellow practitioners for talking to me and apologized for my actions. I have now made great efforts to change how I act towards others. Teacher has taught us to always consider others first, and think of how our actions will affect them. When sending righteous thoughts now, if I see someone's hand falling I will softly whisper their name. It seems as everyone's righteous thoughts have even improved now that I am not acting like a dictator any more.

I have also come to recently understand how selfishness manifests when talking to others. On the way home from the recent D.C. Fahui, everyone was discussing what they learned and experienced. The conversation was going well, but I started to feel something wrong with myself. I had the familiar feeling of heavy and bloodshot eyes. I knew that there were evil demons trying to infiltrate into my mind. My first action was to send forth righteous thoughts, but that had no affect. I then looked within and tried to understand what gap of mine was allowing their interference. I realized that every time someone else was talking, my mind was focused entirely on what I would say when they were finished. I was so concerned with my own understanding, and I did not deem their thoughts to be as important as mine. Doesn't that attitude exhibit self validation and selfishness? Once I realized my incorrect actions, I eliminated them and changed my thinking. Instantly the interference disappeared, and I felt normal again. Now when others are talking, I devote all of my attention to what they have to say. I have found that their understandings have actually helped me a lot.

To sum things up, I want to remind everyone of a few things. We must be able to look outside of our own opinion and accept others viewpoints and criticism. It is very important for practitioners to point others' problems out, but we must have a kind heart when doing so. When others are talking, we should be able to compassionately and patiently listen to what they have to say. If we hold to our own thoughts and notions, they will block us from accepting help from others. We are one body, and it is crucial that we are able to work together and cooperate when doing things. Getting along well with other practitioners is not difficult, it only takes a willingness to let go of our own notions of what is right and wrong. Let us all put the Fa first and rid ourselves of the selfish notions that slow us down.

Please kindly point out and misunderstandings of mine.

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