Letting Go of Indifference and Doing Well as a Coordinator

(Clearwisdom.net)

I am a coordinator in the German Clearwisdom website's Chinese-to-German translation team. During the past year, I did not pay as much attention as I should have to the translation team's work. I thought that my skills were more suitable for specific tasks than coordination. I often wondered when I could end my role as a coordinator.

Recently, several things happened to me over a short period of time that forced me to address problems that existed in the translation team during the past year. I believe a year ago that the translation team was very efficient, and members were keeping up with the Fa-rectification. I recalled that every Saturday quite a few fellow practitioners attended Fa-study and shared experiences. Feedback from others on our work was also very positive. About ten fellow practitioners persevered in doing translations. I myself also worked diligently.

As our weekly Fa-study and experience sharing deepened, the number of fellow practitioners on the translation team tripled. Thus, my workload as a coordinator increased a lot. When I was in a good cultivation state, I was able to keep up with my workload. However, when I did not cultivate well and pass tests in a timely manner, I easily became exhausted and made mistakes. As a result, I was downhearted and did not want to continue coordinating the team. Gradually, I stopped attending the weekly group study sessions. Instead, I revised translated articles and focused on other specific tasks.

As time passed, fewer practitioners attended the Fa-study and experience-sharing meetings. After a while, the sharing meetings existed in name only, and the number of translators decreased to only two or three. We took a very long time to translate some important experience-sharing articles. More significantly, most practitioners in Germany are Westerners. Due to the lack of timely translated articles, their understandings on many issues did not catch up with Fa-rectification. Many Chinese practitioners said they were very busy and did not have time to translate. I also felt that such an excuse was acceptable. Thus, this is how the situation degraded. Even as recently as several days ago, I would not consider making any effort to correct the situation.

First, I want to talk about my understanding of a coordinator's role in group. I think everyone should have a sincere attitude toward Fa study and sharing. Everyone will have his or her own experiences and understandings about events during any given week. An important part of experience sharing is searching within and upgrading xinxing by shifting from a superficial view to a deeper understanding. Usually, I first reflect about recent events, including occurrences in my own life and work. I contemplate on the improvements I achieved and what I enlightened to, and then I share my thoughts with others. I think this is a good way to improve. Self-reflection is a process for me to search inside and to improve based on the Fa. In addition, I think our meetings are precious, predestined relationships.

I realized that since I am already experienced as a coordinator, and my fellow practitioners have already overcome many obstacles and attended the gatherings, I should try my best to organize the study and sharing well and should not let practitioners return home without improving. At the same time, if practitioners involved in Clearwisdom can be stable in cultivation, search within when facing any situation, work hard to make breakthroughs and regard themselves as cultivators who continually improve their xinxing, the website will have a very strong effect. It will fulfill its role in clarifying the truth and destroying the evil.

Many times after I shared my cultivation experiences, no one responded, or practitioners just talked about specific work, which was not what I expected. I thought everyone should first talk about their personal cultivation and xinxing. After this occurred a few times, I thought everyone probably needed more time to reflect. Later, I got used to this situation. Actually, coordinator is not a parent or leader, but a contact person. Each practitioner plays a role and can give a talk. At that time, it seemed that most practitioners attending the sharing sessions were passive. I believed that their purpose for joining Internet meetings were only to gain something and not to give back. I did not realize my expectations caused obstacles for them.

As the number of translators increased, my workload greatly increased. Sometimes, I needed time to rearrange my schedule, or I could not attend the sharing meetings due to other factors. Thus, I tried to find other practitioners to substitute for me and host the Saturday study and experience sharing. I asked two practitioners. One said he was too busy, and the other said he would only host the Fa-study portion because he did not think he had anything to share.

To help practitioners who did not have Internet access join our Saturday online Fa study, I let them use two phone lines at my home from 9:30 p.m. to as late as 3:00 a.m. During those times, other people could not call me. Moreover, when the practitioners using my two phone lines spoke, I had to keep a button pressed while they did so. Otherwise, other online practitioners could not hear them. If I had other tasks to handle at the same time, I would be very passive.

Also, I could not review translated articles on the same day, and I had to postpone reviewing to Sunday. Sometimes, the sharing lasted until 2:00 or 3:00 a.m. On Sundays, I still got our of bed at 4:00 or 5:00 a.m. for Fa study, and I did my Dafa work in the afternoon. I also had to finish work left over from the previous day. My life continued this way for a couple of months, hosting the Fa-study and sharing on Saturday. Gradually I viewed this as a burden. The two practitioners I had asked before could not offer any help. I felt no one was willing to take on this big responsibility. I felt disappointed and began complaining. I did not want to ask around more for help, and I no longer wanted to be a coordinator. I wished to only work on translations.

I continued looking for someone to replace me as coordinator. However, I did not find anyone. My interest in the translation team waned, and other practitioners also lost interest. Amidst these circumstances, I still did not search inside, and I became even more attached to shifting the coordinator's role to another. I proposed several candidates, but the other coordinators did not agree on any of the choices. Later, I realized that I could not find an appropriate candidate because of my attachments. I feared difficulty and had the habit of shifting responsibility. The tighter I held onto my attachments, the harder it became to find an appropriate candidate.

Recently, I had a sudden big problem with my partner at work. Many colleagues were on vacations or business trips. The workload for several successive weeks was very heavy. One person had to do several others' jobs. During this period, one project developed a large problem. Although I had not made the mistake, other colleagues expected me to solve the problem because they thought I could handle it. However, I refused to address the problem. My partner was very sad. She saw that I was indifferent even though I knew the company was about to suffer a loss. She shed tears and shouted, "If you do not want to handle it, at least you could tell me how to fix the problem! If you do not tell me, how can I help ?" I was shocked by her reaction. When I saw that she was so hurt, I also felt sad. We always got along very well. She trusted me very much. What's wrong with me? Her words must be related to my cultivation status. What should I enlighten to? About 30 minutes later, a fellow practitioner from the translation team called me and asked me why I no longer organized and attended Fa-study and experience sharing. I always thought the reason she was so active in the group was to selfishly gain something from the environment. So, at that moment I stalled her with a few words.

Afterwards, I calmed down. My partner's grief made me rethink the matter. I was not able to endure other people shouting at me. I thought that outbursts showed a lack of control in people. To my surprise, she lost it on purpose. She even cried! She was so aggressive, how could she have audacity to cry! I again thought about her words. I really thought she was being unreasonable. Whoever made the mistake should remedy it. Why should I be involved? It was not my business.

Suddenly, I recalled the conversation with the practitioner who had just telephoned me. I never told her about my view of her. How could I complain about her selfishness? It is not that she would not correct herself. She just was not yet aware of her problem. I never directly told her about my observations. I just hoped she would realize her own selfishness. At that time, I thought that I should not be blamed for the Fa-study and experience sharing degrading because of practitioners like her who just wanted to gain. So, I just stalled her during the phone call and did not help her. Just like my partner, she wanted to handle matters well, but did not know how to do so. And again, I was indifferent, and she was truly very mad.

I saw one of my notions. I thought that if I did not make a mistake, I should be indifferent and not offer my help even if I knew that I am the only one who can remedy the mistake. I thought the one who made the mistake should correct the problem. It is the person's own business, and he or she should clean up the effects of the misstep. I recalled times in the past when I had worked with other practitioners and coordinators. I saw that they had some bad notions, or that they did not do well in prioritizing responsibilities, which made the sharing environment hard to maintain. I felt that those problems were their own problems in cultivation, while as a coordinator, I had fulfilled my responsibilities. If other people did not do well, I did not supplement their efforts. I made decisions about what to do next based on changes in the environment or other practitioners' responses. I did not unconditionally hold myself to Teacher's standards for a coordinator. When my efforts did not result in a visible reward, I stopped trying. My attachment to myself was so strong. Of course, my attitude caused long delays in the operation of the translation team.

I deeply realized that such indifference and lack of consideration for others were qualities of the old cosmos. Many high-level beings with abilities were indifferent when they saw all beings heading towards destruction because of the old cosmos' limitations. They felt that as long as they were right, other things were not important. Even when they knew the colossal firmament would be completely destroyed because they insisted on their own ways, they were not willing to help with Teacher's Fa-rectification. When I thought about this point, my heart was pained. "What should finally be seen within me should be Teacher's Fa, not the old cosmos's principle of selfishness."

That night, I wrote a letter to all the practitioners in the Chinese-German translation team. In the letter, I focused on my xinxing problems and shortcomings. I stated that I was not fulfilling my responsibilities, and I expressed my hope that everyone would study the Fa as a group and share experience as we did before so that we could again do well as a translation team. After I sent my letter, I immediately received positive feedback. The number of articles translated daily increased. I believe Teacher was waiting for me to upgrade my xinxing and remedy my shortcomings as quickly as possible. It seems that all sentient beings are eagerly waiting while suffering. Even if my mind is rectified a little, those beings can flow out of the suffering like water out of a broken dam. My appreciation for Teacher fills my mind.

I realize the role Clearwisdom has is far bigger than what I understand. Now, I no longer think about finding a substitute. I also do not become attached to others' shortcomings. I am not attached to what efforts I make. I will firmly and sincerely do well in coordination work.

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